Former Atheists turned Catholic -- How Can I help an Atheist Friend?

[Psalm4]

Hello, everyone,

I have a friend who grew up Catholic and recently became an atheist. It is probably important to note that this was almost immediately before he “came out” as being gay.

To me, it seems that his atheism was necessary, in a sense, for him to feel comfortable with embracing the gay lifestyle, which he has done. I am sure he would disagree, however, and would say the two were unrelated.

My question is:
What, if anything can I do to help him? Was there anything anyone did for you that was helpful? That touched you somehow or helped to start your journey “back home?”

I also welcome (name removed by moderator)ut from people who were not atheist themselves, but have dealt with similar situations. And I’m sure any comments from former or chaste homosexuals could also be relevant.

Thank you, and God Bless.

 

[Fran65]

I would pray for him and let him know that you are not going to walk away and leave him to the wolves…

 

[Dameedna]

To me, it seems that his atheism was necessary, in a sense, for him to feel comfortable with embracing the gay lifestyle, which he has done. I am sure he would disagree, however, and would say the two were unrelated.

No he would have realized he was gay, …and because of this he would have eventually accepted it is natural(despite all the ignorant teachings he’s been given). It is…natural to him, same way as heterossexual behaviour is natural to most humans. It is…never a choice.

The concept of a God that would create a being to exist in a natural way(homosexuality), then punish it in some way…

Well…he probably gave up your god, because your god is not loving

Your God, is found wanting in terms of love and acceptance, therefore it is not the greatest love he can ever know.

You can’t help him. He’s already helped himself. I suspect…he…may be about to help you

 

[rossum]

What, if anything can I do to help him?

Assuming, as you imply, that being gay was an important element in his leaving the church then one idea is to look for a more gay-friendly church. It will not be Catholic (obviously) but at least it will be Christian. Google for “Metropolitan Community Churches” as one example of such a church.

You may have to adopt an indirect approach if you want to get him back into Catholicism.

rossum

 

[Starwynd]

By leaving him alone and letting him come to the realization of God on his own and stop pestering him.

 

[Psalm4]

Just to clarify:

I am NOT interested in comments from current atheists or agnostics. I would appreciate feedback from people who have undergone similar situations- including a conversion.

Thanks.

 

[Starwynd]

I am a converted atheist dude, and I never appreciated Christians constantly getting into my face and getting hostile about it and treated with nothing but condemnation and contempt and always attempted to treat them theirs with respect. when I was never confrontational about it nor hostile about their beliefs. Because of those experiences, I will always be hostile to Christians. I’m not the only one who has experienced this either.

But this kind of thing goes both ways, in that popular opinion and belief will always attempt to suppress unpopular opinion and belief.

People just need to learn to let people be.

 

[cpayne]

You are probably right about the relationship between his coming out and his sudden new hostility to Catholicism. You will have to be led by the Holy Spirit. Don’t back down from what you know is right, but don’t let yourself be dragged into hostility. LOVE NEVER FAILS (1 Cor. 13).

 

[the_phoenix]

Praying from today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

Prayers and Intercessions

God the Father decided long ago to bring salvation to his people. Let us pray to him:

• Lord, watch over your people.

God, you promised to sow the seed of justice among your people:
preserve your Church in holiness.
God, turn the hearts of men to your word
and give your faithful an untroubled path to holiness.
Keep us in the love of your Spirit
let us receive the compassion of your Son who is to come.
Keep us strong, most gentle God, till the very end
and the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Our Father, who art in Heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those that trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

God, you sent your only Son into this world to rescue mankind from its sinful state.
Give us, who faithfully wait for him, the grace of your righteousness
so that we may gain the reward of true freedom.

Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
God for ever and ever.
Amen.

 

[warpspeedpetey]

No he would have realized he was gay, …and because of this he would have eventually accepted it is natural(despite all the ignorant teachings he’s been given). It is…natural to him, same way as heterossexual behaviour is natural to most humans. It is…never a choice.

there is absolutely no evidence that it is not a choice, is it a choice to be a child molester, a killer or a bigamist? further, from an evolutionary standpoint it is self defeating.

The concept of a God that would create a being to exist in a natural way(homosexuality), then punish it in some way…

even if it were inborn, than it would be for the greater glory of G-d, just like the blind man,

many are born with crosses to bear. that would be no different, it is disordered sexuality, misusing the gift of G-d. a sin

Well…he probably gave up your god, because your god is not loving

G-d is love incarnate, you misunderstand love as permissiveness, one smacks the hand of the child he loves to keep him from playing with a knife.

Your God, is found wanting in terms of love and acceptance, therefore it is not the greatest love he can ever know.

nor is acceptance of sin, love, in fact it is indifference. i dont correct ones i dont care about, i just accept them and move on. i correct the ones i care about specifically because i love them and it is important to me that they are pleasing to G-d so that they too can recieve there reward

You can’t help him.

she is right there, you cant help him, you can only provide a good example and and pray for him. dont abandon him, love him but dont accept his lifestyle.

and be careful not to sympathize with him as a homosexual, only as a human suffering temptation. because lots wife looked back in sympathy at the homosexuals of sodom and she was turned to a pillar of salt for it. remember that homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord who sees all.

He’s already helped himself. I suspect…he…may be about to help you

he abandoned his relationship with G-d for fulfilling his desires, how is that helping himself? its not.

nor can he help the poster, how can a drowning man help the man on the solid rock?

 

[warpspeedpetey]

Assuming, as you imply, that being gay was an important element in his leaving the church then one idea is to look for a more gay-friendly church. It will not be Catholic (obviously) but at least it will be Christian. Google for “Metropolitan Community Churches” as one example of such a church.

You may have to adopt an indirect approach if you want to get him back into Catholicism.

rossum

there are no gay friendly Christian churches, those are Christians in name only. much like mormons or jehovahs witnesses

though the indirect approach is a good idea

 

[Blade_and_Blood]

By leaving him alone and letting him come to the realization of God on his own and stop pestering him.

As a Catholic, I agree. You don’t have to walk away, but pressuring does no good.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

 

[MarysDaughter]

Engage him philosophically. There are different ways in engaging atheists/agnostics as compared to Protestants or other non-Catholic deists of somesort.

Atheists/agnostics can be reached by using natural philosophy, bringing them to the knowledge of the Good. Talk with him about the nature of the world, the nature of virtue, etc. Help him to grapple with those types of questions.

Granted, there is only so far that philosophy can go: revelation is of course needed to enter into the communion of the Christian faith. But, seeing as he is a former practicing Catholic, I think if you can bring him to a certain point, you will have an easier time of offering the faith to him once more.

However, if your friend is not interested in truth or seeking for truth… it will be a long and difficult road.

And, as many have already suggested, pray for him.

 

[JonW]

As a former atheist turned Catholic, I would say engage him and his questions, but only at his instigaion. In the meantime, live as a good and loving Catholic as an example, so that he might have reason to engage you in the first place. God is looking for him, so don’t think that by not starting the conversation you are abandoning him. Just by being a faithful example for him, you are conversing deeply without using words. If and when he comes to you, present the truth with God’s grace. In te meantime, always pray for him, and be a loving and caring friend.

God Bless

Jon Winterburn

 

[Genesian]

Well, it really seems significant to me that his “conversion” to Atheism and his “coming out” were close in proximity to each other. He probably feels alienated by his innate same-sex attraction and feels that God has cheated him somehow, and so his Atheism is revenge against God for allowing him to be this way. At least, I’ve seen it that way before.

I would pray for an opportunity to engage him in a civil, philosophical discussion and go from them. Wait for him to bring the subject up, and simply ask him why all of the sudden he decided not to believe in God. I would imagine his answer will be pessimistic, and eventually you may get to the subject of his same-sex attraction. Then tell him that the Church recognizes that it is an especially difficult cross to bear, but there is Hope and Salvation in Christ, and that, no matter what he is feeling, that he is called to a life of chastity. He won’t like it, but it’ll get him thinking. Then all you can do is pray and wait.

When I first read this, I consulted a friend of mine, M, a fellow actor, who is openly gay, but also is a devout Catholic. He was saying how it is impossible for anyone who isn’t experiencing it to understand the difficulty and temptation involved in living as chaste, Catholic, gay man. Especially in our industry, which is a huge part of the gay sub-culture, gay young people are constantly being told that it’s okay to participate in all sorts of debauchery and promiscuity. There is tremendous pressure from fellow gays as well who fail to understand God’s plan for them, and he is frequently accused of being cowardly or brainwashed, For M, coming out was about coming to terms and living honestly with himself, as he had huge problems with depression and suicidal thoughts while living a lie. M also felt resentful of God and despaired of his infinite mercy.

You’ll never be able to understand what your friend is going through, but I hope with prayer and patience, God will give you an opportunity to lead your friend back to the fold.

 

[Fran65]

Excellent post Genesian. And welcome!