Foster Care/Adoption by Single Parent

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Crispin83

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Hello Everyone,

Thank you in advance for your time and thoughtfulness in reading this post.

I am a 30 year old single woman. I have always known my vocation was marriage and family, however, I have yet to meet the right person to marry. I know you may be thinking I am too picky, or don’t put myself out there 🙂 - but while not perfect, I really have made an effort to get married, but for whatever reason it has not been God’s plan for me at this time.

I simply adore kids. In fact, I own a small business centered around teaching children! I want to be a mom more than anything in the world! With this in mind, I have started to learn about foster care, and the foster to adopt program. I am interested in this because of course, I cannot wait to be a parent, and also because I believe I could help a child who would otherwise not have a home and family to love them.

I do believe that if possible, a mom and a dad are the best family for a child. This is why I would purposefully not request an infant - because most likely, there will be a couple waiting to adopt that child. 🙂 However, there are many older children in the foster care system, who may be less desired by couples, and thus go from home to home. It is my desire to foster, and if possible, adopt such a child and give them a home, love, and family!

My question as I consider this is this: Is it morally ok for a single person to pursue a family through this avenue? I want to believe that a less than ideal family (single parent) is better than no family. Especially since I have a lot of love to give, and would be able to raise a child in the Catholic Faith. However, I do not want to pursue this of course if it is morally questionable. I cannot find much commentary on this situation from a Catholic viewpoint. I welcome your thoughts and direction. Sincerely,

FBG
 
Crispin83 said:
Hello Everyone,

Thank you in advance for your time and thoughtfulness in reading this post.

I am a 30 year old single woman. I have always known my vocation was marriage and family, however, I have yet to meet the right person to marry. I know you may be thinking I am too picky, or don’t put myself out there 🙂 - but while not perfect, I really have made an effort to get married, but for whatever reason it has not been God’s plan for me at this time.

I simply adore kids. In fact, I own a small business centered around teaching children! I want to be a mom more than anything in the world! With this in mind, I have started to learn about foster care, and the foster to adopt program. I am interested in this because of course, I cannot wait to be a parent, and also because I believe I could help a child who would otherwise not have a home and family to love them.

I do believe that if possible, a mom and a dad are the best family for a child. This is why I would purposefully not request an infant - because most likely, there will be a couple waiting to adopt that child. 🙂 However, there are many older children in the foster care system, who may be less desired by couples, and thus go from home to home. It is my desire to foster, and if possible, adopt such a child and give them a home, love, and family!

My question as I consider this is this: Is it morally ok for a single person to pursue a family through this avenue? I want to believe that a less than ideal family (single parent) is better than no family. Especially since I have a lot of love to give, and would be able to raise a child in the Catholic Faith. However, I do not want to pursue this of course if it is morally questionable. I cannot find much commentary on this situation from a Catholic viewpoint. I welcome your thoughts and direction. Sincerely,

FBG
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Yes, yes it is.
 
Sounds good to me.

Here is an older thread that you may benefit from reading:
Catholic Answers Forums - Single parent adoption?
I haven’t read the whole thing, but the consensus seems to be positive. As one poster put it, I would much rather have my child adopted by a single good Catholic than by an “average” couple.

May the Holy Spirit assist and guide you always.
 
I applaud you – I think there’s nothing wrong with a single person adopting a child. I agree with you that I wouldn’t get an infant. Like you, I think a mom and a dad is best; but adopting an older child – which are not always easy to adopt – the way I see it is you would be rescuing a child who has no one – and a single parent is better than no parent in my opinion.
 
Disabled children, older children, and siblings all are cinsedered ‘hard-to-place’, and they are the ones that need homes as much as infents. 👍 🙂
 
My friend, a never-married woman in her 40s adopted an 8-year-old girl whose mother was a drug addict and in and out of prison. In the UK, my friend would never have been allowed to adopt a baby because of her age and because she was living alone - there are so few babies here for adoption.

Unsurprisingly, my friend’s adopted child had a lot of emotional and behavioural issues and they had their ups and downs as the girl got older. It certainly wasn’t all plain-sailing, but they have worked through it all - my friend is approaching 60 now.

I think it’s a wonderful thing to do and I wish you all the very best in this.
 
I’ve done a lot of mentoring of boys so I can only speak in regard to one gender, but if you adopt a boy, make sure there is also a good male mentor in his life. It could be your father, your brother, or anyone you trust completely. There comes a point in a boy’s life where he stops listening well to his mother’s rules. It isn’t out of disrespect or lack of love for his mother. He just gets into a stage where her rules seem like they are not for him…that they are overprotective and feminine, so he rejects them. The same rule laid down by a man, he will obey. It’s part of normal emotional growth but can cause a lot of unnecessary grief in the home if it is not well understood.
 
I would think very carefully about your financial situation and childcare arrangements. What will you do if the kid gets sick and has to miss a week of school? That happens very frequently. There simply has to be a backup system in place. Also, do you have substantial savings?

Also, think about your support system. Do you have friends and family who will support your choice? If not, you may find parenthood very lonely.

An additional complicating factor is that becoming a single parent will unfortunately shrink the pool of men who will date you seriously. A lot of guys who are marriage and family-minded will not be interested in a ready-made family. Of course, at some point, you probably feel that you’ve given those guys a fair chance and you’re not going to put your life on hold forever, but 30 is still relatively young these days.

Lastly, talk to your friends with children about local school districts. You may discover that you live in a bad district. This will be especially important if your future child has special needs. In that case, you will need all the help you can get, and you will find that there are substantial differences from district to district.

Best wishes!
 
Thank you all so much for weighing in. I appreciate the opinions, prayers, and advice. Lots to consider… your replies helped. Thanks,

FBG
 
Crispin83 said:
Hello Everyone,

Thank you in advance for your time and thoughtfulness in reading this post.

I am a 30 year old single woman. I have always known my vocation was marriage and family, however, I have yet to meet the right person to marry. I know you may be thinking I am too picky, or don’t put myself out there 🙂 - but while not perfect, I really have made an effort to get married, but for whatever reason it has not been God’s plan for me at this time.

I simply adore kids. In fact, I own a small business centered around teaching children! I want to be a mom more than anything in the world! With this in mind, I have started to learn about foster care, and the foster to adopt program. I am interested in this because of course, I cannot wait to be a parent, and also because I believe I could help a child who would otherwise not have a home and family to love them.

I do believe that if possible, a mom and a dad are the best family for a child. This is why I would purposefully not request an infant - because most likely, there will be a couple waiting to adopt that child. 🙂 However, there are many older children in the foster care system, who may be less desired by couples, and thus go from home to home. It is my desire to foster, and if possible, adopt such a child and give them a home, love, and family!

My question as I consider this is this: Is it morally ok for a single person to pursue a family through this avenue? I want to believe that a less than ideal family (single parent) is better than no family. Especially since I have a lot of love to give, and would be able to raise a child in the Catholic Faith. However, I do not want to pursue this of course if it is morally questionable. I cannot find much commentary on this situation from a Catholic viewpoint. I welcome your thoughts and direction. Sincerely,

FBG
Click to expand...
Theres lots of kids out there probably praying for a loving new home and family…and if you have enough funds to adopt and raise the child then go for it!!!..if you meet your future husband then he could fill in paper work and be your childs adoptive dad
 
A friend of mine is a single woman in mid 30s and last summer she took a young girl into foster care. This was done after a lot of prayer and involvement in her local orphanage. She told me she was a bit scared but prayed for the right child to be sent to her and left it to God. The girl is 15 years old. My friend has told me that there are challenges but that it is working out well and that the girl is happy. Since she is alone in this, having a support network is crucial. But it can be done.

I hope this story has been encouraging. God bless you for wanting to do this. So many children need someone to care for them and let them know that they matter.
 
Praying for you as you discern this path! I will say there are many older kids in the foster care system who would PREFER a female-only single parent home due to a history of abuse. You would be a true blessing for these kids!
 
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