Foster parenting, a calling but at how much sacrifice

[wewhimsy]

I am struggling internally with our recent decision to take on another case. When we don’t have a placement, I feel a bit empty and feel like I am not doing Gods work that I truly believe He has asked me to do. I love the kids with all my heart and all of our cases have been wonderful experiences for my husband and I and our 3 kids. We have had a darling little 18 month old for 4 months and we just took in two mentally challenged girls 7 & 8 (not in school, don’t ask) I have had them for 13 days and I am going crazy. I am in over my head and I honestly can’t breathe. The guilt is overwhelming that I am failing my 3 children and the baby and the two girls because I cannot give the best possible care to everyone. We absolutely will not be foster parents at the expense of our own children and it’s exactly what is happening. I feel like God is sitting at my kitchen table watching me lose my patience and my miond, and I wish he would go outside and sit on the patio. Any foster parents out there who have worn these shoes? Or, anybody who believes in their calling but doubts themselves? God Bless us for a good day.

 

[puzzleannie]

one thing we learned in our brief fling with foster parenting (before the state blew us off because our house was too small) was to never accept a placement of children with special needs w/o first getting specific training on how to meet those needs and provide the care required. An emergency placement cannot always provide that, but it should be pursued asap. also learned that just because there were some challenges of foster care we were unable to meet, that did not impart guilt, only regret.

we also learned that until we were properly caring for our own children, and had prepared them for what would happen with new additions to the family, we were not ready to be foster parents. One good thing is that it was through involvement with professionals in the system that our own child’s undiagnosed problem was identitifed and we got good referrals right away. His own care proved to be so draining of emotional and material resources that we could not have continued as foster parents in any case.

only add that in many times during my life I have been convinced the Holy Spirit IS sitting at my kitchen table laughing at me, and have indeed wished he would go watch TV or play outside, but surely that cannot be sound theology?

 

[BlestOne]

Yup… and Puzzleannie is right… I learned the hard way to ask about mental health diagnosis before accepting the kids… I had some tough ones. You are absolutely correct that your kids have to come first and I said as much to my caseworkers and they agreed. I had kids that could potentially hurt my kids by virtue of their age (mine were toddlers, foster kids were teens). One of the sweetest kids I had went back into foster care after she went home for a while. They asked me to take her back because she did well in my house. When I inquired about why she was back in the system it wasn’t pretty… she was pregnant, refusing to bathe, and carrying around a 10" machetti… no thanks… not around my kids! So sorry, but you would be a negligent parent if you allowed that! The only other time I turned down a kid was when they asked me to take an infant with a heart condition. They knew my ds1 had heart monitors when he was 2 mos until 14 mos. but that was for sleep apnea and bradocardia… not a heart condition and I didn’t feel qualified to care for a child that you had to run at the first whimper so he didn’t cry and have a heart attack at 6 mos old… They understood I didn’t feel qualified and they respected the fact that I didn’t want to harm the child.

 

[Dunmoose]

I spent 6 years as a rent-a-kid back in the 70’s. I found it to be a ruthlessly darwinian environment. To all of you who have participated in this thread so far, thank you for giving a damn
:hug1:

 

[Galnextdoor]

I think you should pray for the will of God to be made known to you.
If you feel that it is the will of God to continue with these children, then you should talk to their case worker about what types of services are available for these children. I don’t know what you’re specific situation is, but I know that many mentally handicapped children in foster care can receive services provided by experts that may help you bear this burden of taking care of them.

The law states that every child is entitled to a free public education. The school district must provide for some type of education for the children, whether it be an alternative school, a special school or a tutor who comes to the house and works with the child every day. If there are any physical limitations involved, i.e. some Downs Syndrome children have weak muscles or poor coordination, a physical therapist should come to the house and work with the children. If they have problems dressing themselves, an occupational therapist can come in and work with them. All these services should be provided by the state. The services will provide the one on one that’s good for the children and give you a little break from them.

If you feel that God truly wants you to be a foster parent to these children, pray to the Holy Spirit for wisdom and enlightenment to figure out techniques that will help ease any burden on your family.

God Bless You! I’ll keep you in my prayers.