Found out my mom is doing unchaste things while not officially divorced. How do I cope?

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Jenny33

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I snooped my moms phone.
It’s bad. I know. But I’m glad I did due to what I found.

My mom is separated from my dad, but not divorced OR has an anulment. I found out she’s basically committing sins against purity and chastity, and I believe that counts as adultery since she’s still married even though they’re separated.

I don’t know what to do. I confronted her in a loving manner and said I’m worried about her soul. But she seems to be dead set on keeping this guy. How do I cope? My sister and I live with her and we lost our work due to the pandemic. I feel so hurt because she instilled the faith in me- but she’s putting herself in jeopardy and disrespecting herself. I’m too hurt to speak with her, so I am maintaining my space, which causes her to be sad. Which ultimately eats away at me. What do I do and how do I cope? Please no rude comments and please pray for me
 
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I am sorry that you have to experience this. You already told your mom how you feel. There really isn’t anything you can do about it. She is your mom, and you just should continue to love her. Perhaps you and your sister could get a place to live together when you are able to get jobs. Then you wouldn’t need to be around your mom and her new boyfriend.
 
Thank you for responding. Am I wrong to feel hurt? She makes it seem that way
 
No, you are not wrong. Your parents have both failed you in their own ways, and it’s disappointing to see that in our parents. Your mom should not be making you feel like you shouldn’t feel hurt. Your feelings are your feelings, and they are not unwarranted.

Pray for your parents, but try and stay respectful. No body is perfect. They may have been doing the best they knew how to do.
 
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Pray for her. You have told her your feelings, and you don’t know what effect that might have, either now or in the future. It would be weird, wouldn’t it, if she had said, “Oh, I never thought of it that way! I’ll mend my ways immediately.”
Give her some space. She may need to work through the pain of her separation in her own way.
 
Whatever hurt and confusion and worry you have, it’s important to consider that your mom has it much, much worse. It is difficult to imagine what she is going through.

Here at Catholic Answers Forums we sometimes speak of “diminished culpability.” One example of that is that when someone is under extreme stress, it is much harder to make good moral choices. Jesus knows about your mother’s pain and fear. He did not come to condemn, but to save (John 3:17 and 8:11). Let God’s grace work in her, and be patient; this could take some time.

One thing that could help you to cope or to take your mind off of your hurt is to attend to your mom’s needs. What can you do you make her feel loved? Maybe spend time with her, prepare a meal together, listen to her, tell her what’s going on in your life, give her a hug, cry with her, and let her show and give her love to you. What else can you think of? And don’t forget to pray for her. While you’re at it, pray for yourself and for everyone in your family.

I am praying for you all as well.
 
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How do you cope? You stop nosing in other people’s personal business.
When one is nosy, one often learns things that they wish they hadn’t.

You pray for your mom.

And maybe you talk to your priest or get some counseling so you can deal with the aspects of your parents’ situation that affect you.
 
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I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this, and I’m sure that the situation in your parents’ marriage is hard for you all. However, I think as a rule it is probably best that we do not concern ourselves with our parents’ sex lives, whether that is with each other or with anybody else. It’s not anything that we need to know about, and it’s not something that most of us want to know about. My advice would be to put it out of your mind and stop snooping.
 
Jenny33 said:
Am I wrong to feel hurt?
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No. It’s perfectly normal to be upset that you were taught to behave one way, but the same person is now behaving differently.

But be careful of the temptation to judge or give in to anger. Your mom’s going through a rough time right now, and there’s a backstory you don’t know.

You don’t have to (nor should you) give the go-ahead to her decisions, but you don’t have to wreck your own life over it either.

And yes, this is easier said than done.❤️:pray:t2:
 
@Cecilia_Dympna, that is an interesting point. Do you think that it was okay @Jenny33 that you went through your mom’s phone? Your mom’s bad behavior does not justify your own.
 
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Thank you all for your replies. We talked about it. It was hard to do, but it has been done. There’s hurt on both sides, understandably. I was worried about her. Will be going to confession. Thank you again for your replies.
 
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