Fourth commandment when you're an adult convert

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newconvertcatholic

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Hi all,

This is both a question and a form of prayer request.

I converted to Catholicism from Hinduism and needless to say this has negatively impacted my relationship with my family (my parents but also my family broadly). The reason this is so big is because family is a big thing in India and my family is from the highest possible caste (Brahmins). Another factor is that they’re back in India while I currently live in France.

I must add that despite being fairly devout Hindus, my parents don’t live together. (I am their only child and they separated when I was 6). This is something that haunts me to this day.

My faith journey however has been quite an adventure and God has indeed provided me hundredfold for the tiny sacrifices I had to make to come to the faith.

I have a tough time trying to be to nice to my parents. I used to confess this often now I don’t do anymore because I don’t think it’s a sin, but I wanted your opinion.

Given that I am a convert and an adult (I’m 26) and I earn my own living, what is supposed to be my just role as the only child vis-a-vis my parents, especially when they grow older?

*My parents are neither overtly hostile nor tolerant of my faith but have a trouble with me going overboard with my religion (they’re especially worried about their church-based activities I’m currently involved in)
*I am still discerning my vocation but even if I do get married it would be a scandal as marriages in India are usually arranged by parents. And I would have to delicate balance my responsibility to my parents with that of my future wife.

I think if I was only a nominal catholic, keeping their bare minimum precepts, my parents would be fine with me. But I genuinely feel God is calling me to give more of my time to the Church.

I used to talk to my parents often but they don’t want to talk about my faith understandably. But I feel that each time I talk to my parents, I have doubts about my faith and I just want to leave behind my faith for my parents. So I talk to them less often.

Given that God chose to put me in a Hindu family, and I am sure it is he who has put also in me a desire to be not just a good catholic but a saint, how should I go about honoring my parents while also doing God’s will in my life?

Thanks
 
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The ethnic and cultural issues are specific to Indian culture. We in the US cannot really even grasp caste systems.

Speak to a priest in your home town.
 
Thanks for your reply. I live in France and my SD is French so not sure he can understand either.
 
That would be reason to contact a priest back in the town/village or even Diocese where your parents/family lives. They have much experience with converts from Hinduism and blended families.
 
newconvertcatholic said:
I have a tough time trying to be to nice to my parents.
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What does this mean?
Do you call each other names or make snide remarks? Do you fight and then not talk to each other for like six months, or something? Do you talk behind each other’s back?
 
I agree. But there are so many wonderful Indian priests out there who can hopefully answer with respect for the mindset of the Indian cultures.
 
Congratulations on coming home.
The best advice you’ve been given is to talk to an Indian priest or one in your village of origin.
I’m sure you realize that you can’t serve two masters, so you need to do whatever is necessary to maintain your faith. If that means speaking to your parents a little less often for now, then it’s necessary.

Your responsibility to your parents is to honor them, which means being respectful and kind, supporting them if they need help as they grow older (maybe financially, or providing someone to help them in their homes). It doesn’t mean giving in to all their requests. As for a wife, that would be something to talk over with your priest. but of course you would want a Catholic wife, which might be difficult for your parents to arrange for you, even if you wanted them to.
We are all called to be saints. That’s what all good Catholics are striving toward.
God bless you on your journey as you work out your salvation, knowing it is God who is working in you both to know and to do his will.
 
Thank you for your replies. I live in France and go back home once a year, so meeting a local priest isn’t an option. There aren’t even that many priests from India in Paris.

I think it’s a great advice but just not an option for me. Which is why I came to CAF with this question.
However even if I do find one I think each family’s circumstances are different and it would be hard for the priest to understand. I spoke to Indian Jesuit deacon in formation once and he wasn’t able to help me much.

My French priest is doing a great job with spiritual direction.

I don’t really need much advice on the cultural aspects. I am sorry if I overemphasized it in the question. It’s definitely a big consideration but I was looking more for ‘how to best respect parents when you’re a new convert’ outside of all the cultural specificities. I know you’re not from India, so cannot answer the cultural part, that’s totally understandable.

Yes, there are cultural differences but I think somethings are same no matter the culture.
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
Do you fight and then not talk to each other for like six months, or something?
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We settle our disputes before 6 months but we do fight quite often, especially when it comes to matters of faith.
 
Viki63 said:
I’m sure you realize that you can’t serve two masters, so you need to do whatever is necessary to maintain your faith.
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This is my main question.

I try my best to respect my parents and my culture and my country but I find it difficult when it clashes with my faith.

And the things is they do have a high opinion of Catholicism. My mom’s best friend is a Catholic. It is my desire for holiness that they have problem with. As an only child, I was pampered and they don’t like that I live with ex-homeless people as part of my Catholic activities or that I desire to go to mass everyday or that I pray the Rosary everyday.

I have totally cut down on everything that my offend them and I feel I go out of the way to respect their wishes and desires but when I do so I feel like I’m abandoning in my faith. There is an inner civil war - should I follow God or my parents?

I understand this is cultural so I understand you may not have all the answers. I’d be grateful if you could pray for me and my parents.
 
You should respect your parents. You don’t have to tell them things that you know will upset them like how you live with ex-homeless people.
We all have to use prudence. That means working to change the things that we are able to change, accepting the things that we can’t change, and asking God to give us the wisdom to know which is which.
 
Ok so here’s my $.02 worth of advice. At 26 years old it’s perfectly fine to not tell your parents everything that goes on in your day to day life. When they ask you how things are, it is perfectly acceptable to tell them only the things that will not cause any strife. They don’t need to know that you pray the rosary every day. of even the amount of time you spend with the homeless. Be vague, without shutting them out of your life. The want to feel involved because they love you.

My policy with my adult daughter is to ask myself if I really want to know the answer before I ask her the question 😉 I try not to ask to many questions and just let her tell me things, then if she asks for my POV, I give it but otherwise I try to keep my mouth shut. I’m not always successful, but I try.

I am not well-informed about Indian and or Hindi culture to give advice about that, so I kept my thoughts more generic. Hope this helps.

I’ll be praying for you.
 
You cannot be my disciple, unless you love me more than you love your father and mother , your wife and children, and your brothers and sisters. Luke 14.26.

Young people tend to jump into their faith with both feet, and possibly go overboard sometimes. Your parents may have prudence that you will acquire as you grow older; they are concerned for your safety. Talk to your priest about what holiness consists of.
You have our prayers.
 
By doing the right thing. Nowhere does Christianity teach that parents will necessarily do so themselves, in all ways, as if their opinions were necessarily perfect. So you honor them regardless, to the greatest extent possible. But this doesn’t mean following their wills in every case, or else we might all be in trouble sins parents may even want you to do something sinful. We’re to follow God’s will above all else.
 
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@newconvertcatholic

I admire your courage and tenacity to accomplish all that you have managed to your credit now at such a tender young age. You have a kind and loving heart! Ask your Guardian Angel to guide your words when you speak with your parents and to keep you safe by day and night while you follow your dreams. Keeping close to Christ will help you be true to the person you want to be, both in your relationship with your parents and in the activities of your real, everyday world. I’ll pray that things go well for you. Keep your faith!
 
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