Friend Troubles

[Aquilina16]

This doesn’t really have anything to do with God or Catholicism but I really needed other people’s thoughts and insight on this problem I’ve seemed to have since the seventh grade. I’ve always spent a lot of my time alone since the sixth grade and have always been craving friends because of that. Not a lot, just two or something. Yet whenever someone new pops into my life and starts to get close, I freak out and want to run away. I start getting irritated for no reason by the person too because when they ask me to do something with them, I’d rather be by myself like I’m used to and I don’t like the idea of them impeding on my life. Irrational thinking, I know. It’s just so tiring constantly having to go out with someone you don’t know well. I’m an introvert and I only feel comfortable talking a lot around people I know well so having to talk to someone I barely know to fill in the awkward silences is tiring and ticks me off. Despite all of this, I still want friends, though. Really bad. I enjoy spending time by myself yet sometimes there’s this sadness that’s either slight or really prominent and I guess that’s from spending too much time alone. I think part of my problem is that I’ve spent such a long time by myself, that I’ve come to enjoy it and maybe enjoy it too much. Plus, it’s all I’ve ever really known. Actually, I just realized right now that the word for that is probably independent. I’m too independent. I’m sick and tired of feeling so grouchy every single time someone wants to be my friend, though. I want to feel happy or nonchalant about it like other normal people and just let it happen, but I’m afraid that I’ll change if I let someone new in. I’m scared that there will be no more alone time for me and I love my alone time, but I also want friends who I can laugh with and share common interests with and be myself with. Another part of the problem is the cliched, “I’m afraid of getting hurt.” I just want to be normal and not make making new friends so difficult for me. I can’t help how I feel, though.

 

[Saxum]

The only advice I can give is to force yourself to do the opposite of how you feel. You seem to realise that you need to change in order to make friends; the only way you’ll change is if you force yourself to change your attitude and behaviour. You could spiritualise this by offering your irritations etc to the Lord as a form of mortification. Put another way, this is an excellent way to carry your cross daily and deny yourself for the love of God.

 

[joeybaggz]

I identify with your post. I have always been a loner. One thing I learned is to differentiate between loneliness and solitude. I like solitude, it is where I feel most comfortable. But I do like to have friends that I get along with. It keeps me from feeling lonely. One thing I have found is that becoming involved in group settings among either strangers or people with whom I am somewhat familiar, allows me to identify people with whom I share common ideas and values, and gradually segue into casual (or not so casual) friendships. Aquilina, you sound like you are trying to force things. My suggestion, put yourself in places with people and allow things to develop at your own pace. Church social functions such as picnics, group discussions, retreats, parish fairs, coffee and donuts after services, and other such things are great opportunities. Maintain your own independence, but open yourself to new ideas and new people.

And if the last part of your username - 16, is your age. Don’t worry so much. You’ll find your way in time.

Good luck

 

[Aquilina16]

This really puts me at ease about my situation, thank you. I’ve actually just started college so I’m a college freshman sick of my problem, but I’m gonna take your advice. There is a Catholic organization here so maybe I’ll start getting a little involved with that. I also joined the writing club although I’m super awkward around all of them so I may have scared most of them off haha. I’ll keep going to the meeting though, I guess I gotta get used to them. Thanks, I hope all is going well with you.

 

[Lou2U]

This really puts me at ease about my situation, thank you. I’ve actually just started college so I’m a college freshman sick of my problem, but I’m gonna take your advice. There is a Catholic organization here so maybe I’ll start getting a little involved with that. I also joined the writing club although I’m super awkward around all of them so I may have scared most of them off haha. I’ll keep going to the meeting though, I guess I gotta get used to them. Thanks, I hope all is going well with you.

Actually, college is a really good place for making new friends. It’s good that you’re trying to come out of your solitude a little (and I completely understand because I’m the same). Keep going to the meetings, and if you see any other groups or clubs that interest you, I would recommend that you join them as well. It’ll give you a topic to talk about, even if none of them become proper friends. Also, if you find that you’re struggling to make friends, try going out with them to do activities. Again, it’ll give you something to talk about, and it could become a regular thing, which might help to cut out some of your loneliness, as well as avoid awkward silences.

 

[joeybaggz]

Aquilina161d
This really puts me at ease about my situation, thank you. I’ve actually just started college so I’m a college freshman sick of my problem, but I’m gonna take your advice. There is a Catholic organization here so maybe I’ll start getting a little involved with that. I also joined the writing club although I’m super awkward around all of them so I may have scared most of them off haha. I’ll keep going to the meeting though, I guess I gotta get used to them. Thanks, I hope all is going well with you.

A surefire way to get people to like you is to compliment someone on something, in a non threatening manner. I audit classes at my Alma mater and I find that the students are very friendly and respectful of me. Maybe because whenever I offer a thought, I will always compliment the student on their (name removed by moderator)ut first. You say you might be scared around them. And they might be scared around you. Everyone at your age is both a little awkward and a little afraid of being out of place. So, just compliment people. Things like, “I like your earrings, where did you get them? “What you said was really funny, it made me laugh.” " Hey, great game yesterday.” Etc. Etc. Then smile and walk away. You’ll develop a reputation as someone who is likeable. Just don’t force a compliment. If you can’t think of anything, just smile and say hi. The old adage, “to have friends, be a friend” is true.
Good luck!