Friend's mother is showing signs of dementia

[meltzerboy]

I’m writing to inquire about Catholic organizations that may be of help to my friend’s 95-year-old mother who appears to be showing signs of dementia. For example, at times she doesn’t recognize her own son and asks him where her son is or where my friend’s brother is. (He has a sister but no brother.) Physically she is rather strong for her age: she still cooks Italian meals, is able to walk around without a cane or any other support, and so forth. She also has mostly lucid periods but I fear she is beginning a slow decline in her mental faculties. I informed my friend, who now lives at home with her, about support groups for caregivers that are nearby, which may be able to give him some practical advice on how to help her as she becomes progressively worse both mentally and physically, as well as lend emotional support which both he and his mother desperately need at this point. His sister, who still works, is financially strapped, and has her own family to care for, provides very little support to her mother or brother.

I was wondering whether there are specifically any Catholic organizations that can be of help to elderly people suffering from the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s disease (she has not been officially diagnosed yet with either). My friend’s mother is a religious Catholic woman and I’m sure she would welcome support from a Catholic group.

Thank you so much for any suggestions.

 

[robwar]

My first thought is to contact the office of family life in the diocese she lives in. Likewise, try to contact the parish she is a member of. That is very kind of you to show such concern for your friend’s mother.
shalom

 

[Viki63]

Also, he should encourage her to get a checkup by her physician. Dementia can be caused by other, temporary things like medications, infections, dehydration, and so on. It’s possible to have a kidney infection, for example, and not be very aware of it.

 

[meltzerboy]

My first thought is to contact the office of family life in the diocese she lives in. Likewise, try to contact the parish she is a member of. That is very kind of you to show such concern for your friend’s mother.
shalom

I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you for the suggestion.

 

[meltzerboy]

Also, he should encourage her to get a checkup by her physician. Dementia can be caused by other, temporary things like medications, infections, dehydration, and so on. It’s possible to have a kidney infection, for example, and not be very aware of it.

She has had a thorough physical examination and is taking low-dose medication. The physician does not think the dementia, if it is that, is caused by a physical problem or medication. Thank you for that suggestion.

 

[KrazyKat]

It is not unusual at the age of 95 to be showing signs of dementia. Sounds like your friends Mom is doing quite well, thanks be to God. She is very blessed to have such a caring son, and he for having such a good friend. I would check with the parish she attends, they will know what is available in her area.

I pray for the elderly daily as I am closing in on memory loss at the age of 66 due to health problems, I am blessed with a 27 year old grandson who assists me, keeping a good humor when I forget. Thanks be to God for family and friends.

 

[EasterJoy]

Dementia is a diagnosis of exclusion. A chronic urinart tract infection, for instance, can alter mental status. At 95, she’d ideally have a geriatric specialist for her regular primary care. At any rate, ask her doc about this…

 

[meltzerboy]

Dementia is a diagnosis of exclusion. A chronic urinart tract infection, for instance, can alter mental status. At 95, she’d ideally have a geriatric specialist for her regular primary care. At any rate, ask her doc about this…

I think you’re right: what she needs now is a geriatric specialist. Thank you for pointing this out.

 

[meltzerboy]

It is not unusual at the age of 95 to be showing signs of dementia. Sounds like your friends Mom is doing quite well, thanks be to God. She is very blessed to have such a caring son, and he for having such a good friend. I would check with the parish she attends, they will know what is available in her area.

I pray for the elderly daily as I am closing in on memory loss at the age of 66 due to health problems, I am blessed with a 27 year old grandson who assists me, keeping a good humor when I forget. Thanks be to God for family and friends.

I will ask her son to check with her parish. Thanks for the idea. I’m sorry for your memory loss and health problems, all the more so as I’m about your age! But it’s good to have caring grandchildren, isn’t it?

 

[EasterJoy]

I think you’re right: what she needs now is a geriatric specialist. Thank you for pointing this out.

With any luck, there is a treatable condition behind her problems. Keep in mind, too, that the older you get the more the things that might have bothered your mind a little when you were younger will bother your mind a lot now that you are older. I’m sure you can think of things that make it hard even at your age now to keep your mind on what you are about.

For best mental functioning, a 95 year old ought to stay in the best physical condition she can. It is even more important than when she was 40 or 50, because she has fewer reserves. When she is overtired, needs to eat, has a cold, and so on, it is to be expected that she may have some rather serious mental slips. That doesn’t mean her cognitive function is permanently impaired overall. This is something to keep in mind, though, when scheduling things like parties for her. Noontime on a Saturday (when she is not tired from going to Mass) is probably a better time for her to receive guests than in the evening when she is nearing her bed time.

It is kind of like when we were very little, all over again. The main difference is that a two-year-old who wants to be independent is not an adult, while a 95 year old is. No matter how much she slips, never forget that. We’d only want the same for ourselves, after all.

 

[meltzerboy]

With any luck, there is a treatable condition behind her problems. Keep in mind, too, that the older you get the more the things that might have bothered your mind a little when you were younger will bother your mind a lot now that you are older. I’m sure you can think of things that make it hard even at your age now to keep your mind on what you are about.

For best mental functioning, a 95 year old ought to stay in the best physical condition she can. It is even more important than when she was 40 or 50, because she has fewer reserves. When she is overtired, needs to eat, has a cold, and so on, it is to be expected that she may have some rather serious mental slips. That doesn’t mean her cognitive function is permanently impaired overall. This is something to keep in mind, though, when scheduling things like parties for her. Noontime on a Saturday (when she is not tired from going to Mass) is probably a better time for her to receive guests than in the evening when she is nearing her bed time.

It is kind of like when we were very little, all over again. The main difference is that a two-year-old who wants to be independent is not an adult, while a 95 year old is. No matter how much she slips, never forget that. We’d only want the same for ourselves, after all.

All you say makes perfect sense, EasterJoy. I believe she thinks she is still, or should act as if, she is 40 years old. But for anyone, no matter what age, such cognitive dysfunction must be frightening. Thanks for your wise counsel.

 

[EasterJoy]

All you say makes perfect sense, EasterJoy. I believe she thinks she is still, or should act as if, she is 40 years old. But for anyone, no matter what age, such cognitive dysfunction must be frightening. Thanks for your wise counsel.

Which of us hasn’t gotten on a sports field and felt resentment that “today” our bodies are not answering as if we were still in our 20s? Bodies speak with much more unmistakable language than minds do and we all have those days when we say, “What was I thinking?” It must be very hard, when you’re 95, because of course no one seems to want to let those little slips just slip by.

I’ve known many people say, while in their 70s, “When I’m over 80, I’m not going to be like these other people. I’m going to admit that I can’t _______ any more.” Most give themselves several more years than they said they would, and even the ones who take their own advice say that it is extremely hard to do, because it doesn’t feel like 80 is so old that you ought to give up doing stuff, not when you get there.

The more she can be helped to keep doing without danger, the better. The old adage, “Use it or lose it” only gets more true the older we get, too. It does not hurt an older person to cover for losses in cognitive ability, though, such as not correcting her when she gets a name wrong. If she was totally capable of something and can’t do it, correcting her won’t help. It is OK to cover for her. Not only will it not hurt her, but withholding a source of anxiety will probably help her.