Friends mother.

[apromisemade]

Goodness, I feel like such a pest as it was so soon since my last post here.

I have a dear friend who has been my rock since we were in elementry school. We graduated high school together last year, and I learned, a matter of months ago, that his mother had cancer. We’ve talked a little since then, and I kind of feel guilty because the last time we talked I was in a bad way of it emotionally and must’ve sounded so meloncholy, whilst he was a sturdy and composed as ever.

Well, just today, I learned his mother is on her death bed. She is at a nursing home right now but will be going home soon and will just recieve hospice care after that. I just got back from a party where another person we graduated with told me she had seen him recently. She said he looked exhausted, emaciated, and didn’t really seem to want to talk much about anything. I got choked up when she said he showed her the bed he had prepared for his mom.

This is just breaking my heart. I have known him since daycare and he has always been my shelter and safe harbor in times of need. But I’ve never had someone this close to me go through something so difficult as watching their mother slowly die. What do I do? What do I say? I want so bad to be there for him, but it was not that long ago I was the one figuratively crying on his shoulder. What would I talk about? I would feel bad talking about feeling better and how much things have improved for me. Going back to school won’t be the same now, knowing that my dearest friend is staying behind to tend to his dying mother.

 

[Matthias123]

I would advise spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

Bask in the rays of God the Son, and let him tell you what to do.

Also never feel like a pest for posting here. We love you – you are a brother in Christ!

 

[littletherese3]

I’d say everything that Matthias123 said.

Also praying to the Holy Spirit for inspiration and courage while you are with him or going to approach him. The Holy Spirit is my lifeline at times like these! Literally!!

:knight2: :getholy:

 

[thistle]

Pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy in the presence of his mother.

 

[MarieVeronica]

But I’ve never had someone this close to me go through something so difficult as watching their mother slowly die. What do I do? What do I say?

Dear “Promise”. My heart goes out to you (and to your friend). :console: First, I’d like to say that your friend is VERY blessed… to have you in his life. By your friendship and loyalty… you are bringing Christ to him.

My mother is 86 years old and is suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease. Alzheimer’s is sometimes referred to as “The Long Goodbye”. I lose a little more of her, each day. So… I could relate to your friends situation… on a very real level.

As a person who is in similar circumstances as your friend… I would recommend to you… that you simply “be there” for him, whenever and however possible. This may only be possible for you, through frequent phone calls. But he will appreciate your presence in his day to day sadness, very deeply.

After asking him about his mother, be sure to ask him how HE is doing. Tell him about your day, too. In this way, you will give his poor burdened mind… a much needed “relief”. And let him know, that you will be there for him… as much as possible.

Please also let him know, that he and his family are very much in the prayers of this forum.

May God bless all of you.

 

[catharina]

…

This is just breaking my heart. I have known him since daycare and he has always been my shelter and safe harbor in times of need. But I’ve never had someone this close to me go through something so difficult as watching their mother slowly die. What do I do? What do I say? I want so bad to be there for him, but it was not that long ago I was the one figuratively crying on his shoulder. What would I talk about? I would feel bad talking about feeling better and how much things have improved for me. Going back to school won’t be the same now, knowing that my dearest friend is staying behind to tend to his dying mother.

Guess what? IT’S YOUR TURN. Friendships that are one-way streets do not last into aduthood. Now it’s your turn to provide loving support. If you haven’t done so already, I hope you’ll do the following. Show up on his doorstep TODAY. Bring his favorite hot meal from any fast-food place. Bring two servings of it: one for now, one for later.

Tell him you’d like to spend some time with him and his mother - if he’ll allow it. If he says OK, allow him to lead the way in conversation or in silence. Encourage him to EAT. If you don’t step up in a loving manner, this friendship will end. Soon.

You haven’t been through this yet with a friend?
He hasn’t been through this with his mother!
Jump in and don’t delay.

Before you leave, ask if he needs any errands done. Do them.

 

[apromisemade]

Thank you all for your advice.

I just sent my friend a message on facebook. Asking him how he was but also talking a lot about how crazy being back at school was. After I sent it I felt the to need to look on my hometowns news website, which has obituaries, and sure enough, his mother died yesterday morning.

I feel so terrible now. Not just for him and his pain, but for the message I sent. I spent four sentances at the beginning asking him how things were going for him, but then spent several paragraphs after that talking about my own busy life. I must’ve sounded so self centered and insensitive .