Friends sleeping in same bed

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A close friend of mine has begun to sleep in the same bed as his girlfriend (and claims that he is doing nothing more). I’ve voiced my disapproval several times.

Recently these two occupied my (multi-person) dorm room (my friend’s bed is in my room as well). I have a problem with women sleeping in the same room as men in the first place, and this really bothered me – but I was half asleep when they came in and didn’t do anything.

I am leaning towards telling my friend and his girlfriend that they do not have permission to sleep together in my (and his) room. Do you think this is appropriate? They’ll probably get a bit upset, but I’m not worried about that.
 
I think you’re justified. It’s plain old inappropriate for them to be doing that with you in the room, regardless of Catholicity. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and you wish they’d get a room.
 
What are the school’s rules on visitors in the dorm rooms overnight?
 
CuriousInIL said:
What are the school’s rules on visitors in the dorm rooms overnight?
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As far as I’m aware, it’s up to the roommates. My living/sleeping situation is slightly abnormal (a number of men occupying several rooms, voluntarily), but I don’t think this changes the principle of the matter. Unless there’s a good reason not to, I’m going to tell my friend that he does not have permission to sleep in the same bed with his girlfriend in my room, and I’m going to reiterate (because he’s Catholic) that sleeping in the same bed is inappropriate.
 
Alterum said:
Unless there’s a good reason not to, I’m going to tell my friend that he does not have permission to sleep in the same bed with his girlfriend in my room, and I’m going to reiterate (because he’s Catholic) that sleeping in the same bed is inappropriate.
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Isn’t it his room as well as yours? Why do you think he needs your permission to have guests in his room?
 
Because it’s his room as well as mine, as well as two other people’s; and never did I have the expectation that he’d be sleeping with his girlfriend in it. Nor did I expect that a woman would be sleeping in the room at all. And if at all reasonable (I think it’s more than reasonable right now), I will disallow it because it’s entirely inappropriate – both the nature of the conduct and the place of the conduct. It’s my dorm room, I think I have a right to say who sleeps there aside from the people who are naturally expected to sleep there.
 
Not that I disagree with you, but how do you intend to enforce your ban if your roommate does not choose to comply?
 
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all is asking your roommate to not have his girlfriend stay the night. My roommate and I had a clear understanding that no one was to stay the night when we lived in the dorms unless we both agreed…since neither of us date having boyfriends over was never an issue. We often had people of the opposite sex stay the night…actually I don’t think we ever had another girl stay over…but they always sleep on the futon. They usually end up staying because they were too drunk to get home safely.

Now we live in a 2 bedroom apartment together and the living space rules now allow room for boyfriends but neither of us really care too much about such things…all of the nice guys we know are gay 🤷
 
Leopard said:
Not that I disagree with you, but how do you intend to enforce your ban if your roommate does not choose to comply?
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I’m not sure about the OP’s college but where I go you can go to the housing people and say that you don’t feel comfortable with your roommates or that you don’t feel safe. If you pull the safety card they HAVE to move you or the offending party no matter what. If the roommate doesn’t comply theres ways to get out of the situation I’m sure
 
How do the other two roommates feel about this? If they are also uncomfortable with the situation, perhaps all four of you could sit down and make up some rules in the dorm room.

When I was in college and lived in suite with 3 other girls, that’s what we did. We just had some basic rules on cleaning, noise, etc. My roommate and I didn’t have to worry about boyfriends sleeping over, although our suite-mates sometimes had them. It didn’t bother me as they were in the other suite, so we had our door closed/locked, but that would have been another issue had I had a roommate which did that.

I never understood that - even if you weren’t of any faith or spirituality, who wants to wake up to some dude literally a few feet away from your own bed? What happens to your own privacy? I would hear some horror stories of people having to put up with third roommates and hearing the romps underneath or below them on the bunkbeds. All morals aside, it’s just plain rude and gross to place your roommates through that especially when you share the room.
 
BillP said:
Isn’t it his room as well as yours? Why do you think he needs your permission to have guests in his room?
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This is not the fact about guests solely, this is to do with his friend’s GIRLFRIEND sleeping on the same bed as his friend IN the same room. Usually schools have restrictions on this, and the Catholic community frowns upon this.

So yes he does need permission to do something out of the norm.

👍
 
Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut, everyone. Indeed there are roommate contracts or something like that with which I’ve never bothered, but I don’t think brining those up will be necessary. Probably essentially solved. God bless! 🙂
 
Leopard said:
Not that I disagree with you, but how do you intend to enforce your ban if your roommate does not choose to comply?
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first, make sure you approach your room mate respectfully and out of love.

that being said, it is actually against the law for the room mate to refuse. it is a sexually stimulating situation which can be construed as harrassment if the room mate refuses to stop the behavior. the resident assistant would be forced to step in and rectify the situation.

of course the hope is to work this out amongst yourselves and not have to bring the legal argument into it.
 
You also run the risk of being falsely accused of doing something to her when she is sleeping. If her and your roommate have a bad break-up, or something, she could falsely accuse him of having done something to her in that room, while you were there, in which you could become guilty by association.

That is another potential angle you could use in telling your roommate your concerns.
 
BillP said:
Isn’t it his room as well as yours? Why do you think he needs your permission to have guests in his room?
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Not to exaggerate the situation, but but if all them started bringing their girlfriends to their bed, don’t you think someone needs to approve this?
 
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