T
TheBreak
Guest
As always, English is not my first language, so I apologize for any misspelling and you can correct me if you want. May God help me.
Atheism is not my original background, so I will not talk about the reasons that made me leave my background religion for my own safety, and who follow me know already what background come from. Instead, I will talk about why I left atheism and back to Christianity, Yes, back to Christianity, because when I left the religion of my family, I went to Christianity for little while and then become atheist and now I back to Christianity after years of being Atheist, strong atheist as I used to call myself… I never saw that I will sit on my knees one day and back to pray to God…etc. because all that was for me something I’m done with it forever. but God had another plan for me, God didn’t give up on me. when I look how arrogant I was, how my nose was up to the sky when I was talking about faith. I thank God that he changed me from that person to this person today. Let me clear something, that I do not mean all atheists are like that, there are really nice atheists out there who are humble and open minded.
So, I was very strong atheist, I’ve read so many atheist books, including The God Delusion , The Selfish Gene, The Blind Watch Maker…etc. (even though the last two books are scientifical more than they are atheist ) , I used to watch atheists vs religious debates, used to watch many many atheist YouTube channels such as, The Amazing Atheist, The Thinking Atheist…etc. In the summer of 2011, something too personal to talk about it made me rethink about my atheism. However, so far it was just bunch of thoughts with no actions, and one day while I’m walking in the street , found Christian bookshop, and I thought why not go and see what they have, maybe “maybe” I will find something interesting, and I went and I found two books that I bought, one called " The Reason for God" and the other called “Mere Christianity”. Both of them are answering the atheists’ questions, I finished reading them, I liked them and I saw different view of Christianity, so that time I believed in Jesus, but, that wasn’t the end of it, few months later, I back to being atheist, because I was tired, the devil didn’t leave me alone, no, he didn’t, and that started to affect my studying, and when I saw that I’m about to lose my future, I said enough was enough, I’m DONE with faith. I have to look after my college, sadly the devil attacked me in very important thing in my life, so, I made deal, to not back to faith, and of course, in order to make myself feel better about my decision, I read more atheist books and I persuaded myself that I made the right thing.
Month passed, and every time there was that call, that call inside me, the hunger and thirstiness to God, to faith, to Jesus in particular, but I kept resisting that call, with studying, working, practice Yoga, meditation…etc, here was nothing that could stop that call, I could hear it, I could feel it, but yet, I didn’t want to answer it. And time was passing and I’m busy with life and it’s matters, but also enough was enough from that call, I said, it is time to do something about it, I put myself together, and decided to give it last try, LAST TRY. And will see where I will go, and read the bible and more other Christian faith books, but I just couldn’t believe it, I just couldn’t. What can I do, I want to believe in it, but some things doesn’t make sense, so that last try lead me to become stronger atheist than before, but guess what?. God had another plan for me, he just worked through all that in his own ways, and what looked like as me getting away from him, actually was me getting closer to him. And one day when I asked one of my atheist friends if she believes in miracle, and she said with her “nose up to the sky” NO!. I don’t believe all that nonsense, I didn’t like the attitude, I don’t why I that started to bother me, but it did, and then I watched documentary made by Christopher Hitchens, he was talking about Mother Teresa, and that she wasn’t as good as people thought, that documentary was made in 1994. I didn’t watch the full documentary, and regardless of what he said is true or not, I asked myself this question “Why on earth would he made such show?! Why do he need to make anything about religion look bad? Even the people who made good? Why does he need to do that?” and I remembered what people say, when you don’t feel good about yourself, you criticize others. And that looked to me as the right answer, however, that was just a thought, yet, it was the window for me to look different to atheism and atheists, and since then, I kept watching the way atheists answer questions, the way they talk about religion, the way they think, I tried to ask some questions via internet to atheists, just ask questions and see what the answers will look like, and the results were shocking, most of the answers was making fun and jocking about my question instead of answer it, I agree that maybe some of my questions were stupid indeed, but some of them weren’t, I get answers like “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read”, “You are stupid”, " Oh my, I don’t wanna live anymore" and the list go on and on…but yet, that was not enough for me to back to faith, because whatever the answers were like, in the end they are people, and people make mistakes. I’ve decided to look again to the bible and the Christian history. And something new accord to me.
I will take about that in the next few days.
May God Bless you.
Atheism is not my original background, so I will not talk about the reasons that made me leave my background religion for my own safety, and who follow me know already what background come from. Instead, I will talk about why I left atheism and back to Christianity, Yes, back to Christianity, because when I left the religion of my family, I went to Christianity for little while and then become atheist and now I back to Christianity after years of being Atheist, strong atheist as I used to call myself… I never saw that I will sit on my knees one day and back to pray to God…etc. because all that was for me something I’m done with it forever. but God had another plan for me, God didn’t give up on me. when I look how arrogant I was, how my nose was up to the sky when I was talking about faith. I thank God that he changed me from that person to this person today. Let me clear something, that I do not mean all atheists are like that, there are really nice atheists out there who are humble and open minded.
So, I was very strong atheist, I’ve read so many atheist books, including The God Delusion , The Selfish Gene, The Blind Watch Maker…etc. (even though the last two books are scientifical more than they are atheist ) , I used to watch atheists vs religious debates, used to watch many many atheist YouTube channels such as, The Amazing Atheist, The Thinking Atheist…etc. In the summer of 2011, something too personal to talk about it made me rethink about my atheism. However, so far it was just bunch of thoughts with no actions, and one day while I’m walking in the street , found Christian bookshop, and I thought why not go and see what they have, maybe “maybe” I will find something interesting, and I went and I found two books that I bought, one called " The Reason for God" and the other called “Mere Christianity”. Both of them are answering the atheists’ questions, I finished reading them, I liked them and I saw different view of Christianity, so that time I believed in Jesus, but, that wasn’t the end of it, few months later, I back to being atheist, because I was tired, the devil didn’t leave me alone, no, he didn’t, and that started to affect my studying, and when I saw that I’m about to lose my future, I said enough was enough, I’m DONE with faith. I have to look after my college, sadly the devil attacked me in very important thing in my life, so, I made deal, to not back to faith, and of course, in order to make myself feel better about my decision, I read more atheist books and I persuaded myself that I made the right thing.
Month passed, and every time there was that call, that call inside me, the hunger and thirstiness to God, to faith, to Jesus in particular, but I kept resisting that call, with studying, working, practice Yoga, meditation…etc, here was nothing that could stop that call, I could hear it, I could feel it, but yet, I didn’t want to answer it. And time was passing and I’m busy with life and it’s matters, but also enough was enough from that call, I said, it is time to do something about it, I put myself together, and decided to give it last try, LAST TRY. And will see where I will go, and read the bible and more other Christian faith books, but I just couldn’t believe it, I just couldn’t. What can I do, I want to believe in it, but some things doesn’t make sense, so that last try lead me to become stronger atheist than before, but guess what?. God had another plan for me, he just worked through all that in his own ways, and what looked like as me getting away from him, actually was me getting closer to him. And one day when I asked one of my atheist friends if she believes in miracle, and she said with her “nose up to the sky” NO!. I don’t believe all that nonsense, I didn’t like the attitude, I don’t why I that started to bother me, but it did, and then I watched documentary made by Christopher Hitchens, he was talking about Mother Teresa, and that she wasn’t as good as people thought, that documentary was made in 1994. I didn’t watch the full documentary, and regardless of what he said is true or not, I asked myself this question “Why on earth would he made such show?! Why do he need to make anything about religion look bad? Even the people who made good? Why does he need to do that?” and I remembered what people say, when you don’t feel good about yourself, you criticize others. And that looked to me as the right answer, however, that was just a thought, yet, it was the window for me to look different to atheism and atheists, and since then, I kept watching the way atheists answer questions, the way they talk about religion, the way they think, I tried to ask some questions via internet to atheists, just ask questions and see what the answers will look like, and the results were shocking, most of the answers was making fun and jocking about my question instead of answer it, I agree that maybe some of my questions were stupid indeed, but some of them weren’t, I get answers like “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read”, “You are stupid”, " Oh my, I don’t wanna live anymore" and the list go on and on…but yet, that was not enough for me to back to faith, because whatever the answers were like, in the end they are people, and people make mistakes. I’ve decided to look again to the bible and the Christian history. And something new accord to me.
I will take about that in the next few days.
May God Bless you.
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