Frustrated...why did I convert?

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AmberDale

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I’m a convert, Easter 2005 👍 I love my new found faith and the church and all her teachings.

I’m getting a bit frustrated though. I have very serious health issues (20% kidney function, will need dialysis/transplant soon)… I also don’t have regular periods and am on coumadin.
I do not take BC because it’s against the teachings. I don’t use NFP because of my non-existant periods. :o So…husband and I try to abstain. 😊 It gets very frustrating. I would lovingly accept any new life, but I’m afraid the drugs I’m on could harm my unborn baby and if I get pregnant it could seriously harm me! I have 2 kids living and 1 in heaven (miscarriage). With all the pregnacies they were very hard on me and my health. Though it was well worth it, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I sometimes think… “if i didn’t convert I could use BC” but I know that’s wrong and I get sad. I love our church and am faithful… I just get so frustrated
 
If your periods are irregular, that is a good reason TO use NFP! Have you taken a class in it? You learn to observe your body’s own signs of fertility, not count the days on a calendar. I suggest you call your diocese’s Family Life office and take a class. If you know whether you are potentially fertile or not, you can relieve a lot of stress in your marriage. And yes, NFP works if you are not regular, many of us have some type of gynecological problem (I have PCOS) and are able to use it effectively. Also, check out www.popepaulvi.com to see if there’s anyone nearby who can find out what is wrong and hopefully treat the problem. They are totally pro-life gyn drs and specialize in just this type of thing.
 
Amber, God bless you for remaining faithful, despite the temptations. :console:

I think I just have one question for you. Have you actually learned an NFP method? This might not be true in your case, but I have spoken with a lot of people who think they can’t do NFP in their situation, but they’ve never actually been taught how to use it.

Edit: Wow, when I’m nursing and only using one hand to type, I’m sooo slow at responding! 😃
 
AmberDale said:
I’m a convert, Easter 2005 👍 I love my new found faith and the church and all her teachings.

I’m getting a bit frustrated though. I have very serious health issues (20% kidney function, will need dialysis/transplant soon)… I also don’t have regular periods and am on coumadin.
I do not take BC because it’s against the teachings. I don’t use NFP because of my non-existant periods. :o So…husband and I try to abstain. 😊 It gets very frustrating. I would lovingly accept any new life, but I’m afraid the drugs I’m on could harm my unborn baby and if I get pregnant it could seriously harm me! I have 2 kids living and 1 in heaven (miscarriage). With all the pregnacies they were very hard on me and my health. Though it was well worth it, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I sometimes think… “if i didn’t convert I could use BC” but I know that’s wrong and I get sad. I love our church and am faithful… I just get so frustrated
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I understand how you feel. I could imagine abstinence as a widow or single woman, but abstinence in marriage has to be especially difficult.

I am not in a position to tell you what is allowed in your situation, but if NFP is not possible for you, it looks like that can’t be required of you.

Please, if you haven’t already, ask a theologian who can direct you as to what your moral options are. Maybe there are modifications of NFP that could be suggested.

On a general thread such as this one you’re likely to get a thousand different bits of advice (medical, spiritual, scary and downright weird).

Hang in there. The Lord who called you on this path will be sure to direct your steps if you ask Him. Remember that His grace is sufficient for all of life’s trials.
 
seekerz said:
I am not in a position to tell you what is allowed in your situation, but if NFP is not possible for you, it looks like that can’t be required of you.
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I know you mean well, seekerz, but that doesn’t sit well with me. If a married couple can’t risk another pregnancy, abstinence is the only morally sound option. That means complete abstinence (Josephine Marriage) or partial abstinence (NFP). NFP is the alternative to complete abstinence, and you’re right, it’s not required, but abstinence in some form is. Sterilization, contraception, withdrawal, etc., are not options.
 
Truly_Beloved said:
I know you mean well, seekerz, but that doesn’t sit well with me. If a married couple can’t risk another pregnancy, abstinence is the only morally sound option. That means complete abstinence (Josephine Marriage) or partial abstinence (NFP). NFP is the alternative to complete abstinence, and you’re right, it’s not required, but abstinence in some form is. Sterilization, contraception, withdrawal, etc., are not options.
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Did I ever suggest that? I suggested she speak to a theologian and that modifications of NFP may be right for her e.g. one of the signs of her body she is not going to see is her period according to her post. In my opinion then, to just tell her to use NFP even if she has irregular periods doesn’t quite make sense since she reports having none.

Incidentally, she could if she chose (though she indicates she wouldn’t) decide to go ahead and have normal relations and leave the outcome of future pregnancies in the hands of God. Would that be moral? I’m not sure; would it be faith or irresponsibility? I don’t know.

I repeat my earlier suggestion: speak to a theologian.
 
seekerz said:
Did I ever suggest that? I suggested she speak to a theologian and that modifications of NFP may be right for her e.g. one of the signs of her body she is not going to see is her period according to her post. In my opinion then, to just tell her to use NFP even if she has irregular periods doesn’t quite make sense since she reports having none.
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What are “modifications of NFP”?

NFP stands for Natural Family Planning, and encompasses every possible variation of the different forms that are available.

Obviously in this case, the calendar method is “out” (as it is for most women, since most of us do not have 28 day cycles). But the calendar method is not the be-all and end-all of NFP.

The sympto-thermal method combined with the Billings method (both of which are methods of NFP) could work, since it isn’t solely dependent on knowing when your period comes. There are other physical signs of fertility which can be charted using a Billings chart, and she can also use the sympto-thermal charting method to see when she is most likely to be fertile based on body temperature.

She should not only speak to a theologian; she should also speak to an NFP instructor, who can give her the resources she needs to figure out which method(s) will work best for her.
 
jmcrae said:
What are “modifications of NFP”?

NFP stands for Natural Family Planning, and encompasses every possible variation of the different forms that are available.

Obviously in this case, the calendar method is “out” (as it is for most women, since most of us do not have 28 day cycles). But the calendar method is not the be-all and end-all of NFP.

The sympto-thermal method combined with the Billings method (both of which are methods of NFP) could work, since it isn’t solely dependent on knowing when your period comes. There are other physical signs of fertility which can be charted using a Billings chart, and she can also use the sympto-thermal charting method to see when she is most likely to be fertile based on body temperature.

She should not only speak to a theologian; she should also speak to an NFP instructor, who can give her the resources she needs to figure out which method(s) will work best for her.
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What I mean is, since she may or may not be ovulating or may be doing so irregularly, the normal cyclical signs of ovulation (not just periods) may be absent, but there may be other methods I don’t know of to naturally predict ovulation and avoid using ABC.

You are right about the NFP instructor, too.
 
seekerz said:
In my opinion then, to just tell her to use NFP even if she has irregular periods doesn’t quite make sense since she reports having none.
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Well then your opinion is very uninformed. NFP has NOTHING to do with having a period! It observes basal body temperature, cervical mucus, cervical position and openness, other signs such as ovulation pain, etc. I think you need to take a NFP class to learn what it IS before you tell people it’s OK not to use it. I have taken classes, and I also have a condition where I don’t have periods, sometimes for up to a year at a time. I still know when I am fertile, thanks to NFP. So don’t bash the method, when you know nothing about how it works.
 
AmberDale said:
I’m a convert, Easter 2005 👍 I love my new found faith and the church and all her teachings.

I’m getting a bit frustrated though. I have very serious health issues (20% kidney function, will need dialysis/transplant soon)… I also don’t have regular periods and am on coumadin.
I do not take BC because it’s against the teachings. I don’t use NFP because of my non-existant periods. :o So…husband and I try to abstain. 😊 It gets very frustrating. I would lovingly accept any new life, but I’m afraid the drugs I’m on could harm my unborn baby and if I get pregnant it could seriously harm me! I have 2 kids living and 1 in heaven (miscarriage). With all the pregnacies they were very hard on me and my health. Though it was well worth it, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I sometimes think… “if i didn’t convert I could use BC” but I know that’s wrong and I get sad. I love our church and am faithful… I just get so frustrated
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welcome to the faith amber!!!

what i will say is controversial…but my doc has me on bc pills to control hormonal and physical issues, with regards to my periods. It’s not against the teachings…if you are exclusively using them for medical purposes…but it’s still something that takes much prayer and thought.

but, just as an aside…the whole bc pill issue is God’s orders…people think that (including my husband) that the RCC comes up with random rules here and there…but the basis and foundation comes from God. I know you probably know that…but, your comment about not being Catholic and you could take the pill…is actually false. Just because a religion doesn’t teach all of God’s laws…doesn’t mean it is telling you the truth. I have always looked at Protestant faith as telling the truth…just not the WHOLE truth. lol Good luck to you, amber…you’re in my prayers…be brave…and be proud to be Catholic:thumbsup:
 
seekerz said:
Did I ever suggest that?
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I’m so sorry, I guess I misinterpreted what you were saying. 😊 It’s kinda difficult to really get what someone is trying to say, sometimes, over the Internet. I truly did not mean to offend, and I ask that you accept my apology. :o
 
seekerz said:
Incidentally, she could if she chose (though she indicates she wouldn’t) decide to go ahead and have normal relations and leave the outcome of future pregnancies in the hands of God. Would that be moral? I’m not sure; would it be faith or irresponsibility? I don’t know.
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Of course she could just leave it in God’s hands, I guess I completely forgot about that option, but you’re right. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise, and I’m sorry if I came across that way. :o
 
Truly_Beloved said:
I’m so sorry, I guess I misinterpreted what you were saying. 😊 It’s kinda difficult to really get what someone is trying to say, sometimes, over the Internet. I truly did not mean to offend, and I ask that you accept my apology. :o
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That’s quite okay. As with most things, the intent is what counts and yours I believe, was to help someone in a difficult situation. Nuff said.
 
AmberDale said:
I’m a convert, Easter 2005 👍 I love my new found faith and the church and all her teachings.

I’m getting a bit frustrated though. I have very serious health issues (20% kidney function, will need dialysis/transplant soon)… I also don’t have regular periods and am on coumadin.
I do not take BC because it’s against the teachings. I don’t use NFP because of my non-existant periods. :o So…husband and I try to abstain. 😊 It gets very frustrating. I would lovingly accept any new life, but I’m afraid the drugs I’m on could harm my unborn baby and if I get pregnant it could seriously harm me! I have 2 kids living and 1 in heaven (miscarriage). With all the pregnacies they were very hard on me and my health. Though it was well worth it, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I sometimes think… “if i didn’t convert I could use BC” but I know that’s wrong and I get sad. I love our church and am faithful… I just get so frustrated
Click to expand...
If you are taking coumadin, you definately wouldn’t want to be on the pill anyway, it can cause blood clots. I’m not sure why you can’t use NFP you should be able to track your fertilty signs to see if you ovulate regardless of whether you have a period or not. I will need a heart transplant so I do understand your feelings. I’ve used NFP sucessfully for 10 years. Have you actually taken a class on NFP?
 
Before I KNEW it was wrong, as a Protestant is what I meant, whatevergirl! 😃 They may not have the same teachings, so those who are Protestant don’t know it’s wrong. So you would see it as wrong, but they wouldn’t know. It would be more venial, than mortal… kwim? 🤷
But know I know it’s not what God wants, and I don’t really want to leave the church. As I said I love it!

My biggest concern isn’t even for my own health. It’s for that of an unborn child. Coumadin and some of my other drugs could be very detrimental to a baby. My doc said “well we could take you off them when you got pregnant and put you on something else”… I’m not cycling! How would I know if I were pregnant? My SIL said “well if it’s class X then the baby wouldn’t survive”… me “all the more reason not to”… her “but you wouldn’t know” EXACTLY! I can’t ever imagine that happening! She is a good Catholic, she is also a Nurse. I trust her, but I can’t take that advice.

NFP fails, though not very often. How would I know if it did fail? kwim?
Oh and I had a very nice person PM me with the fertilitycare website. I’m going to contact them, but am still shaky on it. Because if it failed then my baby would be in danger. 😦
 
rayne89 said:
If you are taking coumadin, you definately wouldn’t want to be on the pill anyway, it can cause blood clots
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Yeah, I had a pulmonary embolism…:mad: before I converted I was on Depo… then stopped because of the conversion. Right after I converted (about 2 months) I was in the hospital with a LARGE clot in my lung! 😦 Very scary! They don’t know if it was the depo or my kidenys.
They do say after I get a new kidney (and maybe start dialysis) then I will probably be able to come off coumadin.

As I said, I’m going to contact someone about the Creighton method! I thought, cuz I don’t have a period then well…
Goes to show me, huh :cool:
 
I actually use the symto-thermal method because I like seeing my temps rise when I ovulate, it makes me feel more reassured -my mucous patterns are not as reliable for me. But I have heard great things about Creighton.
 
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