Gay friends

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MichelleTherese

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Question:

When you have gay friends (and/or relatives) do you have to constantly talk about homosexuality being a sin etc? Or can you just love them? (Without agreeing to their sexual choices.)

It doesn’t seem to be very charitable to constantly nag at someone about their sins. After all, I’m deffinately NOT perfect so who am I to point out the speck in someone else’s eye?
 
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MichelleTherese:
Question:

When you have gay friends (and/or relatives) do you have to constantly talk about homosexuality being a sin etc? Or can you just love them? (Without agreeing to their sexual choices.)

It doesn’t seem to be very charitable to constantly nag at someone about their sins. After all, I’m deffinately NOT perfect so who am I to point out the speck in someone else’s eye?
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I have one friend who I know is gay. The sinfulness of homosexual activity hasn’t come up once. He knows my family and I are Catholic. If he were to ask, he knows basically what the answer would be.

I’m not likely to change his behavior by nagging him about it. What could happen though is that he could one day feel loved enough and comfortable enough to broach the subject with me.

In the meanwhile, he is my friend. My wife likes him. My children like him (in fact, my daughter adores him). I pray for him whenever he enters my mind.

– Mark L. Chance.
 
My kid sister, age 24, has expressed an interest in “getting to know more about God”. She works as a nanny for a Lesbian couple. These two women are absolutely awsome “mothers” and could be held up as model parents in light of many mom-dad couples. I’m afraid that the Church’s stance on homosexuality will scare my sister away from God! She may see the teachings of the Church as crazy when compaired to what she knows about these two wonderful women.
 
When you live your life according to your beliefs, and God’s love spills over into your actions, people see that. I am open about my beliefs, about the role my religion plays in my life, about why I behave the way I do, why I make the decisions I do, why I act the way I act, what God means to me. My friends know where God fits into and around my life, and if they ask me what I’m doing over the weekend, I don’t tell them everything but church, I include Mass and any other Church related activity and tell them where it is, in case they want to show up. Later I will ask them if they want to come. That way if they want to ask, they know I am open to talking about it. If they are feeling called to do something they don’t have to wait for an opening or an opportunity. One of my very best friends in the world started coming to Mass with me about a year after I met him and then finally went to confession about two years later. He’s been chaste ever since and has been taking communion. Sometimes it’s enough to be there and be God’s witness without ever having to be the one to discuss the behavior. Sometimes it’s important to remember that we aren’t the ones called to judge. We are only called to be God’s witnesses. If we talk about God, He’ll do the rest. If you talk too much about what a person has to give up to come to God, they won’t take the first step, but if they want to come to God, He’ll help them get rid of everything that separates them from Him. Just my opinion of course. (Obviously that’s not going to be the case for the priests or teachers or parents, the ones who have the obligation to form souls. But for those of us who are merely witnesses it’s important to be, rather than to judge.)
 
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MichelleTherese:
My kid sister, age 24, has expressed an interest in “getting to know more about God”. She works as a nanny for a Lesbian couple. These two women are absolutely awsome “mothers” and could be held up as model parents in light of many mom-dad couples. I’m afraid that the Church’s stance on homosexuality will scare my sister away from God! She may see the teachings of the Church as crazy when compaired to what she knows about these two wonderful women.
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I have both friends and family who have a homosexual orientation, and some are living the “gay” lifestyle. You don’t have to be "in your face"about it in order to disagree with it.

If your sister is “interested in God” there are better places to start than what the Church teaches about homosexuality. Start with the basics. And, of course, lead by example.

When one understands WHY the Church teaches what it does then it is easier to comprehend, and accept, the teaching and integrate it into your life. So, tackle the more difficult topics after the foundation is there.

I would only address it if it came up, at this point.
 
Same here.

When it does come up I am honest about what I believe; what the church teaches.

But it isn’t something that is brought up a lot. I know people who use contraception too… it isn’t like I am bringing up the sins of ABC to them at every posssible moment either.

-D
 
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MichelleTherese:
I’m afraid that the Church’s stance on homosexuality will scare my sister away from God!
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As has been mentioned, the Church’s teaching on sexuality isn’t the place to start when catechizing someone. Jesus and his authority is, I feel, the place to start. If someone can accept that Jesus is God, everything else starts to fall into place.

That point aside, what is there that is scary about the Church’s stance on homosexuality?

– Mark L. Chance.
 
Strange because I’ve been having some inner turmoil with this question. I have a good friend who isn’t ‘sure’ if she’s a lesbian, but certainly act like it with another friend of mine who is heterosexual… It’s a tricky situation, because I enjoy spending time with my friends but I’m always unsure as to whether I should be present, if I’m condoning their behaviour.

I’ve come to realize, and I still pray about it, that they know what I believe, what I consider right and wrong. In loving them, and not being judgemental, one of them has actually been able to broach the subject with me… At some point I may have to stop hanging aorund with them, but at this moment I am able to lead by example…

God bless!
 
Do you nag your protestant friends about birth control? If you know any Southern Baptist do they nag you about drinking and dancing? Unless the ‘gay’ person raises the subject, let it be. Love them and pray for them.
 
Of course there is no moral obligation to constantly bring it up. If you do, you will turn them off to Christ all together, or at least turn them off to you, which means you won’t be there to help them come out of their sin when they are ready to convert.

At minimum though, you have a duty to make sure that by your actions or words you aren’t accepting homosexuality as moral behavior. If your friend is constantly telling you homosexually is normal and moral, they may be unconsciously looking for your approval of it. If you are silent then you might be giving them that approval.

The homosexual friends/relatives that we have are courteus enough not to bring up their orientation/activities to us. If they did, then we might be morally obliged to speak out against them.

I say just be their friend/relative and you will know when the time is right to evangelize. Eventually they will turn to you, broken, and wallowing in their sin, hungering for Jesus. Then let God use you to help them.
 
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MichelleTherese:
When you have gay friends (and/or relatives) do you have to constantly talk about homosexuality being a sin etc? Or can you just love them?
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Homosexuality, in and of itself is not the sin; the sin is the sexual act or sexual lust. Sexual acts and sexual lust are sins outside of marriage both for a homosexual and a heterosexual. So if you’re so concerned about the homosexual’s sin you should be equally concerned with your heterosexual friends and family also.
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MichelleTherese:
It doesn’t seem to be very charitable to constantly nag at someone about their sins.
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The CCC clearly and beautifully states we are to love the sinner but hate the sin.
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1ke:
If your sister is “interested in God” there are better places to start than what the Church teaches about homosexuality
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Church teaching is the place to start. Not what you think the Church teaches, go to the CCC and read and study it, all of it, not just one sentence. It’s quite beautiful and when you realize what the Church teaches and why, you’ll also realize it’s exactly correct.
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1ke:
When one understands WHY the Church teaches what it does then it is easier to comprehend, and accept, the teaching and integrate it into your life
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Absolutely, and the place to start is the CCC.
I have friends who are homosexual, some live according to the faith some do not; I also have heterosexual friends some who live according to the faith some do not. Treat them with love, but “if” the subject of sexual activity comes up, teach them the true Church teaching.
 
This is a tough one for me especially since we’ve had kids. My husband’s aunt and her “roommate” live in NYC. We’re here in the midwest, don’t see them much, but when we do get together, usually around the holidays, we want to focus on them as people not just homosexuals. Love the sinner, hate the sin. They know all about our conversion to Catholicism and, since one is an ex-catholic, know the Church’s teacing on the subject. Sometimes I worry that they think we condone their lifestyle because we have never said anything to them about it, that we are “cafeteria Catholics” but, that’s more about me/us, isn’t it? I think in order to confront someone with this you have to have the proper motive.
 
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Maggie:
When you live your life according to your beliefs, and God’s love spills over into your actions, people see that. I am open about my beliefs, about the role my religion plays in my life, about why I behave the way I do, why I make the decisions I do, why I act the way I act, what God means to me. My friends know where God fits into and around my life, and if they ask me what I’m doing over the weekend, I don’t tell them everything but church, I include Mass and any other Church related activity and tell them where it is, in case they want to show up. Later I will ask them if they want to come. That way if they want to ask, they know I am open to talking about it. If they are feeling called to do something they don’t have to wait for an opening or an opportunity. One of my very best friends in the world started coming to Mass with me about a year after I met him and then finally went to confession about two years later. He’s been chaste ever since and has been taking communion. Sometimes it’s enough to be there and be God’s witness without ever having to be the one to discuss the behavior. Sometimes it’s important to remember that we aren’t the ones called to judge. We are only called to be God’s witnesses. If we talk about God, He’ll do the rest. If you talk too much about what a person has to give up to come to God, they won’t take the first step, but if they want to come to God, He’ll help them get rid of everything that separates them from Him. Just my opinion of course. (Obviously that’s not going to be the case for the priests or teachers or parents, the ones who have the obligation to form souls. But for those of us who are merely witnesses it’s important to be, rather than to judge.)
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Great witness of life approach to evangelizing and spreading the Godspel. This would apply not just to gay friends, but also to those friends and acquaintences of heterosexual orientation living in the sin of fornication, adultery, cohabitation, contraception…, as this disclosure and situations arise.
 
When you have gay friends (and/or relatives) do you have to constantly talk about homosexuality being a sin etc? Or can you just love them?
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Could someone explain why this is presented as an either\or situation?

It would seem that one would talk to a person about the sin of homosexuality precisely BECAUSE they love them.
 
I am friends with two gay people who work with me. They are both openly gay and proudly proclaim their sexual orientation by attending various gay activist activities (i.e., gay pride, etc.). They are also both cradle catholics (not practicing) who are aware of the church’s teaching on homosexuality and same-sex marriage. They are also aware that I recently reverted to the Catholic church but I assume they believe that I am a “cafeteria catholic” who dissents from the church on teachings of sexual morality. They’d probably be surprised to know that I am actually a faithful catholic who strongly believes in what the church teaches. I don’t evangelize or pass judgement on their lifestyle but if they asked me what I believed, then I wouldn’t hesitate to inform them of my beliefs. My strategy is to try to live my life as joyfully as possible and be a role model for them. Maybe at some point they will be curious about the faith, etc. and then I can gently expound a bit more on why I believe that homosexual activity is wrong. I know they respect my personal and professional opinion and that might make any conversation about these matters more fruitful. My situation and many others in this thread prove that disagreeing with the gay agenda doesn’t necessarily make one a homophobe. You can sincerely love a person and be their friend while at the same time respectfully disagreeing with some of their beliefs. It does make my blood boil when certain gay activists use the “homophobe” card everytime someone or some group respectfully disagrees with their moral value.
 
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Brendan:
Could someone explain why this is presented as an either\or situation?

It would seem that one would talk to a person about the sin of homosexuality precisely BECAUSE they love them.
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The homosexual person would not be able to take your explaining the sex act as a sin because they do not see it that was. And would certainly NOT see your talking to them as ‘loving them’. They was acceptance on their terms.

My brother kept hammering me and forcing his beliefs down my throat when I was in that lifestyle. I pushed away further to the point that I put down the Catholic Church…WOW 12 years now makes a difference! 🙂
Now I’m on the Church’s side, but I would not want to treat other homosexuals the same way that my brother first treated.
"They will know we are Christians by our love.’

go with God!
Edwin
 
I could never continue to “hang out” with practicing gays… we would invaribly begin arguing… When I wasnt into the Faith, I had gay friends…and even though I didnt debate them…(cause I simply didnt know about my faith or care) I would STILL get annoyed at their self centeredness and ALWAYS cracking “diva” jokes, and makiing fun of Conservatives… nope couldnt hang out them with my beliefs as they are now…it would simply degenerate into one of em eating a fist sandwich the minute they made light of Jesus, the Pope, the Church, etc…

For (ME) knowing my temperment…its just best to pray for them instead of hang with them.
 
How often do we bring up the issues of artificial contraception and sterilization with friends we know have resorted to these measures? (especially our “practicing” - receiving communion friends?)

How often do we bring up the sinfulness of InVitro with our friends who have resorted to this measure?

How many single friends do we know - and do we ask them if they are remaining chaste?
I agree with the Church teaching on homosexuality - but I think we have lost our perspective.
The Church teaches many OTHER things about sexuality that is getting ignored.
Many catholics are committing grave/mortal sin and receiving communion every week without batting an eye.

Why are we so obsessed with the homosexuals when the heterosexuals certainly don’t have their act together either?
 
You’re correct of course - we should stand up for all of the church’s teachings on sexual morality including IVF, pre-marital sex, contraception, and issues related to homosexuality. People especially have their heads in the sand when it comes to IVF. Their desire for children (a good thing) simply overrides their ethics on what happens when extra eggs are fertilized and unused (a bad thing) during the IVF procedure. However, the original thread question focused on gay friends and that’s why the responses have dealt with that issue only. Maybe you could start a new thread related to those other issues of morality.
 
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