Gay Uncle

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pira114

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How do I explain to my children that one of their Uncles is gay? My brother and I are very close, but he is well aware that I don’t aprove of his lifestyle. I teach my children about right and wrong according to the Bible, yet I’m struggling with this one. I just don’t know how to tell them. The only one who this really applies to is my 11 year old. The other two are too young still. I’m afraid if I wait too long, he will find out on accident. I think it would be better to tell him, yet I’m at a loss for words. Do you think he is still too young to hear this? Or do you have any suggestions on how I should tell him? Any help would be greatly appreciated. :confused:
 
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pira114:
How do I explain to my children that one of their Uncles is gay? My brother and I are very close, but he is well aware that I don’t aprove of his lifestyle. I teach my children about right and wrong according to the Bible, yet I’m struggling with this one. I just don’t know how to tell them. The only one who this really applies to is my 11 year old. The other two are too young still. I’m afraid if I wait too long, he will find out on accident. I think it would be better to tell him, yet I’m at a loss for words. Do you think he is still too young to hear this? Or do you have any suggestions on how I should tell him? Any help would be greatly appreciated. :confused:
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At age 11 my bet is he already suspects something
~ Kathy ~
 
I would talk to him about it. I think I was around that age when my aunt “came out.” I can’t remember what my parents said exactly, but it was clear that, even though they disagreed with her lifestyle, they still loved her. Good luck!
 
Maybe you can point out some examples from the Bible or from your son’s own experiences about how it is important to be loving toward someone even though they are sinners, just like the rest of us.
Then explain Church teaching on homosexuality, maybe have him read the CCC paragraphs and help him understand it…
Re-emphasize that we are to be loving and sensitive toward people with SSA, even if they choose not to live chastely, but we are never to condone their actions.
THEN point out how much you love your brother, but that he is currently choosing to have an active homosexual lifestyle. You do not approve of the lifestyle, but you still love him and pray that he will come to understand church teaching and begin living chastely as we are all called to do.
 
you don’t, you do not discuss your own or any other adult’s sexual activities with your children or anyone else’s children. this is simply not a topic for conversation. when your brother moves in somebody you tell him Uncle Joe shares a house with his friend Steve. period. You also teach your children especially as they get older, that as Christians we put the most charitable interpretation possible on any situation or action we observe in another person. We assume two men (or a unmarried man and woman) living together are friends sharing expenses. We do not not discuss or speculate on what they do inside their home. it is simply none of our business.

what you must do as parents is educated their children, appropriate to their age level on not only the biology and physiology of health (and everything else they need to know for good hygeine and stewardship of the body). furthermore you teach them Catholic morality, the commandments, the beatitudes, and in the context of that teaching make clear what Pope John Paul II enunciated so beautiful in the Theology of the Body and the Gospel of Life.

When confronted with a direct situation in which your children must be protected, you explain: we love Uncle Joe, he is my brother and I will always love him, be he has chosen to do some things that are wrong and hurtful. We can’t be around him right now for that reason. Let us pray for him.

when your child asks direct questions, give direct answers: are uncle Joe and his friend Steve gay? Yes, do you know what gay means? and give your child the correct information he is asking for without embellishment. Always, always follow up with why this is wrong, but that we love him anyway and pray for him always. Also that we do not share personal information about a person with other people.
 
I have saddly enough had to do this about 2 years ago. My nephew is gay and had to tell my son. He wondered about the way he was acting. I said "yes he is gay, yes it is against GOD, and yes we are to still love him. " My sons reply was eewww ok. When he comes back to town my son does not treat him any differently than he did before. We are very lucky we have very close familys.
 
I agree with Puzzleannie. You don’t discuss other people’s sex lives with an 11-year-old, and you shouldn’t discuss your brother’s either. If your child asks, point blank, then you must be honest.
 
I agree with puzzleannie… The kids dont need to be told any of it. Just answer questions when they ask them. I would not want my kids to have an example of homosexuality made “nice” because it is their uncle who they know and love. (It must not be as bad as mom says because uncle joe does it, and he’s a nice uncle…)
 
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SP38:
I would not want my kids to have an example of homosexuality made “nice” because it is their uncle who they know and love. (It must not be as bad as mom says because uncle joe does it, and he’s a nice uncle…)
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I agree that the best scenario would be to address the situation when the child asks, but you aren’t guaranteed the child will ask. I think, though, that it is more likely that the child might start thinking this if the issue was never addressed. “It must not be as bad as the Church says because Mom never says anything bad about Uncle Joe and he does it…”
 
I agree you should not bring it up at all.

I have a good friend w/a gay brother and sons that are now 13 & 11. She explained to the older one when he was about 11. Based on his reaction it was clear he had no idea and was confused and disturbed by the idea. He thought that his uncle’s long-time live in partner was somehow his mom & uncle’s brother because they call him “uncle X”… he had no concept of same-sex sexual activity and what the term “gay” really meant and it clearly disturbed him.

Just stay away from it! If he asks, that’s the time to talk about it and probably in general terms, not details.
 
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1ke:
I agree you should not bring it up at all.

I have a good friend w/a gay brother and sons that are now 13 & 11. She explained to the older one when he was about 11. Based on his reaction it was clear he had no idea and was confused and disturbed by the idea. He thought that his uncle’s long-time live in partner was somehow his mom & uncle’s brother because they call him “uncle X”… he had no concept of same-sex sexual activity and what the term “gay” really meant and it clearly disturbed him.

Just stay away from it! If he asks, that’s the time to talk about it and probably in general terms, not details.
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Yes, and it was probably an unnecessary burden on the child, something he really shouldnt have had to deal with or think about in his day to day life.
 
I had absolutely no intentions of “making it nice.” I also had no intentions of discussing his sex life. I was just talking about the FACT that he is gay. I thought about just leaving it alone until he asks, but I know as a child I would often not want to talk to my parents about things like that. I have a more open relationship with my son than I did with my parents, but I’m still worried that he will not ask me. I’m even more worried that he’ll try to get information from friends instead. Since he goes to a public school, he could get answers from a number of backgrounds.

I think I agree with a lot of you who say 11 is too young, but with the onslaught of liberal media, I’m sure he’s been subjected to it no matter how hard I try to protect him. The stupid public schools now think it’s O.K. to poll our children about sex, so who knows what else they are teaching them. I’m still not sure what to do.
 
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pira114:
How do I explain to my children that one of their Uncles is gay? My brother and I are very close, but he is well aware that I don’t aprove of his lifestyle. I teach my children about right and wrong according to the Bible, yet I’m struggling with this one. I just don’t know how to tell them. The only one who this really applies to is my 11 year old. The other two are too young still. I’m afraid if I wait too long, he will find out on accident. I think it would be better to tell him, yet I’m at a loss for words. Do you think he is still too young to hear this? Or do you have any suggestions on how I should tell him? Any help would be greatly appreciated. :confused:
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Why not teach your son the Catechism of the Catholic Church?

Chastity and homosexuality

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity,141 tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."142 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial.** They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.** These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

You teach your son that this, as Catholic Christians, is what we believe. It is what the Holy Mother Church teaches and anyone who does not practice this teaching is not being Catholic.
You should be able, in a good Catholic Book store or online through Our Sunday Visitor, to find an age appropriate Catholic Catechism for your son. I think that, if you start teaching your son THE TRUTH, you can NEVER go wrong.

It’s just an idea…
 
I can tell y’all how my siblings handled this issue. The kids were told that they had a gay uncle when they were around 11 or 12. They were told “gay” means I like men like some men like women. That meant romantically like hug and kiss and hold hands because gay means more than just sex. As the kids grew older, they got more information. The nephews and nieces accepted the fact with grace. Helps that they all have friends with gay and lesbian relatives. It’s not uncommon. And nowadays, it simply isn’t that big a deal.
 
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