Getting a Catholic friend to come to Mass

[OnlyAmbrose]

Hey all-

I have a teenage friend who was born Catholic, but doesn’t attend Catholic Mass anymore. She instead attends a nondenominational church because she “gets more out of” the more upbeat music they have there, and the sermons seem more directed at her life than the long-winded homily of the pastor at our local Catholic parish.

I know that she would “get more out of” one Catholic Mass than she would out of a thousand Protestant services just because of the Eucharist, but how does one teenager explain that to another teenager in a way that would be listened to? How do I explain that no matter how bad the homilies and old-style music are, the one most important thing which she’s been missing out on for years is the Eucharist?

I’m not sure how to approach this, mostly because I agree with her- the music at our parish is certainly not geared toward youth, and the homilies are delivered in a way that’s very unappealing to teenagers. I’ve made her promise to come with me to a Steubenville retreat, but that’s not until next summer, and Mass just can’t wait that long.

What should I do?

 

[StatCrux]

A very good question. I am also interested in hearing if people have specific guidance on how to get cradle Catholics back to Mass. I too have a Catholic friend who often sees me getting dressed up to go to Mass and makes comments like “You’re so much better than me.” I want to say, “You can come too!” but it’s difficult for me because such things are generally hard for me and also because I am a catechumen and not a Catholic. Sadly, he is very poorly catechized. Prayer is necessary here. Since I read your post I have found new resolve to make sure to ask him if he wants to come too when he makes some comment.

In Christ,

StatCrux

 

[psteichen]

How do I explain that no matter how bad the homilies and old-style music are, the one most important thing which she’s been missing out on for years is the Eucharist?

I’m not sure how to approach this, mostly because I agree with her- the music at our parish is certainly not geared toward youth, and the homilies are delivered in a way that’s very unappealing to teenagers.

You need to learn more about the Catholic faith. This is not an insult, I also need to learn more, we all do. I was in the same boat when I was a teenager. Unfortunately the Church has done a horrible job in the western world of catechising young adults.

My point is that your perspective is wrong, as was mine for a long time. I kept thinking about what I can get out of the Mass. What’s the point of going if its boring, if the music sucks, if the priest is a bad speaker, if its 100 degrees with no air conditioning, if dozens of babies are crying, if we don’t like praying in public, if we’d rather be canoeing or watching football, if its repetitive and we’ve heard it all before. These questions reveal a total misunderstanding of the Mass. It is not there for our entertainment. The Mass is primarily for worshiping God, in the way that God wants. God has asked us to worship in this way, through the Magisterium of His Church, and if we tell Him we’d rather do it our way, that is extremely arrogant and prideful on our part (and sinful).

Now being you’re going to go to Mass to worship God you might as well get as much good out of it as you can, right? Well sure, and there are also lots of rewards, even in the dullest Mass. You get to hear the Bible readings and the Gospel. Who can’t learn a little from that, even if you’ve heard it before? Your venial sins are forgiven. That’s great! You get blessings and graces. This gives you the power to fight temptations through the next week and overall become a better person. If your priest is a good speaker you might learn something from the homily. If not, oh well. And of course, if you went to Confession recently and are free of mortal sin, you can receive the Eucharist! This is the most powerful gift we can receive from the Mass and unites us with Christ and his Church.

So back to learning more about the faith. The Mass is NOT where we learn, at least not primarily. To learn you must study on your own, or take classes, or attend Catholic lectures. CCD and Confirmation classes are woefully inadequate, they are aimed at the lowest common denominator and often do a very poor job of explaining the WHYs. Its not enough to know that birth control is wrong, you MUST be able to explain exactly WHY it is wrong when a friend asks or a flippant dorm mate rolls their eyes and remarks that your church is against it. Trust me, there are VERY good reasons for everything the Church teaches. We just have to know what they are.

Okay, so how do you help your friend? Learn the faith, and then teach it to them. If they wont go to Church then catechise them bit by bit until they too understand why they need to go. Forcing them to go probably won’t do any good. Catechising them is not your job, their parents should have done that right? Well, they sucked at their primary role as parents, get over it and do it yourself if you can. You might just give them the best gift they’ve ever gotten, you’ll give them their faith back.

Oh, and read apologetics books! For me I got really bored with the fluff taught in many classes and homilies. A good in-depth study might get you interested again.

God Bless!

 

[puzzleannie]

BOOKS don’t have much impact on teens, experience has more impact, so you want to counter the good experience she has had in the praise and worship setting at her non-denom church with the much more powerful experience of the Eucharist. to do that I strongly recommend a Youth 2000 Retreat if you check their website you can probably find one in a city nearby. This retreat is focused on the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. Until your friend is brought to that awareness and acceptance, she will not be able to listen to what you are trying to tell her, or what you want her to read. Nor will she see any difference in our worship except in peripherals.

 

[jc-servant]

OnlyAmbrose,

Have you thought about road tripping to another parish that might have an event geared toward Catholic teens sooner than next summer? We have XLT in our metro as part of the Lifeteen ministry that rotates its location through some of the larger parishes. Not everyone on these forums likes this ministry, but a lot of teens are led to explore the faith in a deeper way through it when a parish does it right. My parish has two big LT retreats per year where they bring in priests, monks and nuns from orders that are very faithful to church teachings. There are lots of teaching sessions, multiple masses, adoration and fun activities over 3 days. We allow teens from other parishes to join our retreats (and non-Catholic friends), so perhaps there might be something like that near you. It would only be a long weekend, so your friend might be up for it.

Your diocese may also have some regional activities listed on their website like volunteer Saturdays that you could participate in together, so your friend can find “fun” Catholics who do fun things. I never knew how much Catholic stuff was going on in my area until I got plugged in through Lifeteen as an adult volunteer. Now, I’ve been to a living Rosary, retreats, concerts and a lot of other events. I’m hoping to go to WYD in Sydney next year also.

You can check the national website for some ideas on evangelizing teens also www.lifeteen.com They have a Q&A with a priest who will answer tough questions for teens. They have teen discussion boards, lessons about the faith, Catholic screensavers, etc.

They have regional events like Catholic concerts and things like XLT that have a night with some praise music, some teaching and Eucharistic adoration over a few hours. You might also be able to get some ideas from my parish’s website. www.stannparish.org click on Lifeteen in the drop down menu on the home page for ministries. You might also be able to reach your friend through some Catholic music. See www.spiritandsong.com which is all contemporary Catholic music. Their artists play across the world, including WYD and Nat’l Catholic Youth Conferences.