Getting a divorce...

[BMB]

Thanks for the above referenced threads hurtandhealing. The most wonderful thing about this board is that the support continues… and continues… and continues.

Cabolissa, It is difficult for me to talk openly about my grief re my marriage with family/friends. To discuss the nature of dh’s cruelty and admit that I fell victim to lies and emotional abuse is not easy. Plus, the “great guy” illusion was so strong many would not believe the truth anyway.

I love that there is no judgement here… only wonderful, and heartfelt advice and support. Thank you for sharing with me that we can both learn and survive.

 

[whatevergirl]

:console: To all who suffer with marital situations like this, please accept my prayers, and a BIG HUG from me, too!

 

[dulcissima]

I would talk to a lawyer ASAP. I would be suspicious that the reason your husband moved to TX and then a week later said he wanted a divorce has to do with him wanting the logistics of the divorce and settlement to be in his favor. You should see whether filing in CA or TX is in your best interest, and then make sure that you are the first to file. Do not discuss this with your husband at all. He has shown you that he can not be trusted.

I’m really sorry that you are going through this. Divorce is not easy and it is not fun. I’ve been there myself. You will learn though that sometimes it is for the best. If this is the man that you married, that could very well be the case. Your life is going to be changing, the best advice I have for you is to not fear that change.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Slapping myself across the head OF COURSE!

Thanks Dulcissima!!!

First of all, you can’t legally do anything in Texas until you have six month’s residency.

You can still put your stuff in a car and drive back to California.

Be sure that in California what the rules are for marriage and alimony and whether you qualify.

In Texas, you have to be married 10 years to qualify for alimony. My xh got me to Texas at 9 years and filed at 9.5 years and avoided paying me any alimony.

I don’t know what California laws are.

While it is less expensive to live in Texas, it may be he got you hear to save HIMSELF money.

Call a lawyer now.

A judge may make him pay to move you back to California.

 

[whatevergirl]

In reading this, I hadn’t even thought of that. Yes, it sounds like he definitely has a motive for moving you to Texas, out of CA…maybe the laws are less favorable in Texas…I’m in shocked sadness with you cabolissa…so sorry he’s putting you through this. I would take everyone’s advice…hire yourself a great lawyer asap. Not sure what he’s up to, but protect yourself and your kids.

Prayers again…going out to you.

 

[GerlyOne]

**WOW! Not only is he a dog, but he’s a scheming dog! In an earlier post I stated that it all sounded a bit “premeditated”…

Cabolissa, please, please hurry and get a lawyer…surprise him by packing it all up and going back to CA, he isolated you, he wanted you to be in TX alone, and now without any support…you need to research and find out what in the world he’s up to??? Have you contacted the other woman’s husband? I don’t know if this is wise or not, but between the two of you, maybe you can make sense out of all this…others may not agree, however, only a suggestion. I am emotional for you right now, I can’t even imagine what I’d be doing in your situation, other than going a little psycho! But I’m a hot headed LEO…with a short fuse!

My husband had an emotional affair, which is how I ended up joining CAF…I threatened, screamed, cried, you name it, I did it…I can’t even imagine what I’d do if he up and split, especially after building our lives together for the last 25 years…

I feel for the children…you are so kind and special to have taken the role of mother to his child, she’s so blessed to have you in her life…can you imagine if you weren’t in the picture? GOD placed you in her life and her in yours for a reason…

Gosh, I wish I could do something more for you, but I will pray so hard for you and I’m going to dedicate my Rosary tonight for you…God bless you and watch over you and your children…

And throughout all this, remember that you have friends who deeply care about you…:grouphug:**

 

[adelore]

By all means if you know that Womans Husband…Call Him! Let him know what is going on and has been going on, between your husband and his wife. Tell him what your husbands plans are… (truely this is better than her husband/kids having to suffer a Blow, not to mention if you would of had an idea this was going to happen, wouldn’t you have changed you plans too? Without a doubt, I’d call him…I say this from past experience. I made that call! In the end I was thanked!)

One of two things will happen.

1. She’ll denie they whole thing to her husband…and then dump your husband Quickly…for fear of loosing her husband and family.
2. She’ll own up to it to her husband and true maybe your husband and her will end up together…but I can promise…their relatioinship won’t last…oh maybe a few years…but then the pattern will start all over again…One of them cheating on the other. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.

Meanwhile others have given you a lot of good advice…I too will be praying for you.

 

[ruslan]

cabolissa, you and your children are in my prayers.

---

Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

 

[Nanny_PK]

I would talk to a lawyer ASAP. I would be suspicious that the reason your husband moved to TX and then a week later said he wanted a divorce has to do with him wanting the logistics of the divorce and settlement to be in his favor. You should see whether filing in CA or TX is in your best interest, and then make sure that you are the first to file. Do not discuss this with your husband at all. He has shown you that he can not be trusted.

I’m really sorry that you are going through this. Divorce is not easy and it is not fun. I’ve been there myself. You will learn though that sometimes it is for the best. If this is the man that you married, that could very well be the case. Your life is going to be changing, the best advice I have for you is to not fear that change.

Excellent advice. I know in Texas (and I’m assuming CA) you have to live in a place for six months for the courts to have jurisdiction. I also think Texas would be an easier place to actually proceed with a divorce. I have an aunt who lived in CA and her ex-husband was able to drag the proceedings out for years because their rules are squirrelly. Now this could be situational so it’s definitely wise to get some legal advice.

 

[Joseph_L_Varga]

I’m still relatively new to these forums, please someone tell me, is it always in the Spring that all the jerks decide that the grass is greener somewhere else and it’s time to abandon their spouses, or does this happen all year round??

Cabolissa, you will be OK in the end, and you will be able to smile and laugh once again, although that may seem impossible to you now. However, God is with you, God is always with the downtrodden and broken-hearted, and He will not forsake you through all this, even if your husband did. Also, you have a Mother in Heaven and your Guardian Angel, and they are praying for you. Together with the rest of us, your brothers and sisters here at CAF.

 

[xxxBlackDogxxx]

I’m still relatively new to these forums, please someone tell me, is it always in the Spring that all the jerks decide that the grass is greener somewhere else and it’s time to abandon their spouses, or does this happen all year round??

No! It happens all year round! Mine was in the height of summer! The birds were blooming and the flowers were singing (any one remember The Brady Bunch? If not you don’t know what I mean I guess :whackadoo and there was one big hornet that stung me on the…

Anyway, there’s one thing to think about: I’m able to joke about it now. It still hurts, but God gets us through it. It doesn’t seem that way at the beginning, and there are still bumps in the road, but I can tell you that even though my life was shredded, my children hurt, and my heart and soul devastated, God has gotten me through the worst.

To those going through this mess, cry when you need to, pray ceaselessly, and somewhere in the back of your mind remember that sooner or later you will be able to joke again.

God bless.

 

[Joseph_L_Varga]

No! It happens all year round! Mine was in the height of summer! The birds were blooming and the flowers were singing (any one remember The Brady Bunch? If not you don’t know what I mean I guess :whackadoo and there was one big hornet that stung me on the…

BlackDog, so you were about to smell a singing flower, when a big hornet stung you on the tip of your nose!

I’m glad you are doing better now! No sting lasts forever, and a better Summer is on the way!

Yeah, I should have known, the devil works overtime, he doesn’t even take Summer vacations… It must be really hot and lonely down there in the Hell, that he is so happy any time he can escape to tempt us… Poor fools, who listen to him. They will burn themselves big time, already here in this earthly life, and they will risk spending the whole eternity in the company of that ugly fellow. I wonder how many birds are blooming in the depths of that fiery pit, and whether the flowers are ever singing there, amid the foul odors and brimstone… We should really pray for poor fools who listen to the devil, perhaps all is not lost for their souls, yet…

O, my Jesus, forgive our sins, save us from the fires of Hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those most in need of Thy Mercy!

 

[whatevergirl]

No! It happens all year round! Mine was in the height of summer! The birds were blooming and the flowers were singing (any one remember The Brady Bunch? If not you don’t know what I mean I guess :whackadoo and there was one big hornet that stung me on the…

Anyway, there’s one thing to think about: I’m able to joke about it now. It still hurts, but God gets us through it. It doesn’t seem that way at the beginning, and there are still bumps in the road, but I can tell you that even though my life was shredded, my children hurt, and my heart and soul devastated, God has gotten me through the worst.

To those going through this mess, cry when you need to, pray ceaselessly, and somewhere in the back of your mind remember that sooner or later you will be able to joke again.

God bless.

Still praying for you, Blackdog…and this is great advice.

 

[SarahR]

(((hugs)))
Very sorry to hear what you are going through. Similar situation here. Can you call a priest that you had been familiar with before the move?

Will say one thing I wish someone had said to me early on: your husband’s salvation is between him and God. Don’t guilt yourself into thinking that if you don’t do what husband wants of you in this situation, then you’re putting his soul in danger. God will always offer your husband grace.

Be patient with yourself, be there for your kids. One day at a time. You’ll get through this. Do you have family and/or friends to rely on? You’ll be in my prayers as well.

 

[BMB]

cabolissa -

Will say one thing I wish someone had said to me early on: your husband’s salvation is between him and God. Don’t guilt yourself into thinking that if you don’t do what husband wants of you in this situation, then you’re putting his soul in danger. God will always offer your husband grace.

Great advice!

Realizing and accepting this precise truth is essential for letting the pain go… I fought
for my marriage every step of the way… always so fearful of dh dying in this horrible state of sin. My priest told me to let it go. That dh’s soul is and always will be in God’s hands. (I was so disturbed that dh kept receiving the eucharist even after he admitted to ongoing affair )

Keep praying. Lent offers so many additional opportunities to participate in the Mass. I feel God’s presence so much more vividly since my husband has made his choice. Perhaps the constant anxiety and resentment and stress didn’t allow me to experience God’s love as clearly as I do now. I find this new closeness & trust in God to be the ONE positive result of dh’s betrayal.

I do trust that God, unlike dh, will always love, protect and cherish me. The Gospels reassure us over and over, God will never leave us. My prayer for you and me is that with God’s help, we will never feel deceived and abandoned again.