Getting better at suffering

[Amalie]

Ok I’m not good at suffering. But as I go through life I realize it’s inevitable- so I want to get better at it so it doesn’t hurt so bad.
My mom is dying of cancer so it’s all I can think about. I’m doing my best to work and keep up with my duties but it’s hard.

How do you get better at suffering?
Little sacrifices every day?

I love the idea of redemptive suffering but it takes a lot of faith to know that god cares about my little sacrifices.

 

[Peonies]

@Amalie, I will pray for your mom and for you too. I am sorry that you are struggling.

God does care about you and every little sacrifice or suffering you offer up has value, regardless of how small it seems. You can offer up your suffering for any intention. Some people like to offer up their suffering for the Holy Souls or other intentions that are important to them. It might give you some measure of peace to offer your pain and suffering for your mom’s health. St. Therese (the Little Flower) was a big proponent of doing little things.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[lwest]

Be assured that God cares about your little sacrifices. I’m sorry to hear about your mom and God bless you for loving her so much. I’m not in those shoes but we all have stuff to go through. I have a daughter who’s had over 60 surgeries and there were some iffy times when we didn’t know how things would turn out. These are just some prayer strategies I’ve found helpful for me. “Lord, if this what You want me to go through, I trust You’ll give me the grace to handle it.” “I offer up this (insert whatever annoyance, suffering, etc) for (whatever intention)”. “Ok, Lord. I give this all to You. I trust You’ll handle it. Just guide me according to Your Will.” “Lord, I quit! I can’t do this! I give it to You! I surrender!” Yeah, I’ve said that one plenty of times. And, think of Jesus on the Cross. He carried His cross for us. We can carry ours for Him.
Those are just some things that have helped me. Also, cry when you need to, yell when you feel you have to. A priest told me once, “Go ahead and yell at God. He’s a Big Guy. He can handle it. Just don’t stop talking to Him.” Again, sorry about your mom.

 

[Dan_Defender]

My mom is dying of cancer so it’s all I can think about. I’m doing my best to work and keep up with my duties but it’s hard.

I’ve been through this myself so I can relate. Pray and trust in God. I had to come to a point (rather quickly) to accept God’s will and entrust the matter to God that whatever happens it will be for the better. In the end, God knows better than me.

 

[Monica12345]

I will pray for you and your mom. I am sorry to hear of your situation. I am 23 and have just lost my mom to breast cancer. I by no means think I am “good” at suffering, but I am learning and I am learning from my mom’s example. She was such a selfless person. I realised as I was sat by her bedside that her first thought automatically was always for someone else. She couldn’t talk or move and yet was signing with her hands to check had WE eaten or slept, or had we made the priest a cup of tea. I was honestly astonished. But my mom had a very strong faith. Based on that I would say this (and I am working on this too):

1. MAKE PRAYER A HABIT. Before I would maybe pray before bed. Now I pray every morning. I have a book called the Catholic Woman’s Book of Days by Amy Welborn and I thank God for the gift of a new day. I also have a book called Last Thing At Night which I use to reflect before bed also, bookending the day. I find prayer books that encourage me to reflect on my own day best, which will lead me onto the second point in a moment. However, I also recently have started praying the Rosary every day, focussing on the mysteries that have been allocated to that day of the week. Praying the Rosary by my mother’s bedside strengthened me and my family so much. I once read somewhere it is like holding the hand of Our Lady. I did sometimes find I was squeezing the beads so tightly. Now I can’t hold my mothers hand it brings me so much comfort.
2. LOOK OUTWARD. My mom’s selflessness in her sickbed really struck me. I found it unbelievable, it seemed like a miracle to watch. But also I realise that’s how my mom endured suffering. She didn’t think of her own pain. She was constantly thinking of other people, busying her mind with practical ways she could help them. And that’s when I decided I wanted to retrain my mind to do the same. And it can start with very small things, like you say little sacrifices. God sees them, you can be sure of that because slowly it will change you life and you will find small moments joy from helping others in the midst of suffering. This ties into prayer because you can ask God to give you strength at the start of the day and also at the end of the day, you can reflect on what went well and what you can do better tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is a new day, which leads me on to Point 3
3. LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME. I often heard this saying but I don’t think I fully lived like this until recently. When my mom was ill, there was a lot of uncertainty about her diagnosis. This was the only way I could live with this uncertainty and whether she would get better. Just taking each day as it came and asking the Lord in the morning to give me the strength to face each day. And I’ll tell you something - He never let me down. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t sad, or upset, but it allowed me to put the suffering of my mom and family before my own, and help them throughout the day. Now with my mom gone, I get a tight chest thinking of the long years without her, but I am forgetting in those moments that every day is a gift, I need to take each one as it comes and thank God for it, trusting Him to hold my hand through the pain.