I
InDeoMandamus
Guest
I’m a new member to Catholic Answers, mainly this forum. I have several things that I wish to openly discuss, since I’ve tormented my brain from over-thinking these three topics:
-Masturbation
-Vocation
-Love
I am a 14 year-old Freshman at a Christian High School. I was brought up very strong in my faith, and continue to stay strong: I bear a scapular on my person, attend daily mass at my school as often as possible, evangelize various topics and discuss them with friends (ironically, including the same ones as above), I attend mass every Sunday and holy day of obligation, I am a part of my parish’s Lifeteen youthgroup, and much more.
But enough about my pros, and more of the cons. The first topic I’d like elaboration on is Masturbation. I think it was about 2 years ago I started to “notice” it and the “results” from it. I started to frequently perform the act, and didn’t really feel morally moved or spiritually discouraged, I just continued to do it, although something inside of me hinted there was something up with it.
I continued this action for a year or so, and then I started to read up on it and have conversations on it (such as at the retreats for the new members of my youth group). I panicked when I found out the true meaning of the act of masturbation. I started to confess it almost every time I went to confession, and even piled it in with other sins and labeled my confession “I’ve done things I shouldn’t have done…” and pretty much covered it up, and hadn’t been straight forward, even to this day.
When I started High School, a new friend of mine began to get me interested in theology and theological debates/discussions/writings, the whole 9 yards (He was actually very helpful, he plans on becoming a priest).
I read several books by Jason Evert, and that really put me on the right path. Several months before this, of course, towards the end of summer 2009, I met a girl. As I got to know her, I found out she was amazingly intelligent, psyched about her faith, absolutely beautiful, a great sense of humor, and we really clicked: she seemed like that perfect “someone”. I continued to make conversation with her, shared humor, went on tangents. I began to feel extremely different than I had ever felt before about a woman: I felt love.
Since I got to know the girl, the power of, what I still think it is, love, made me care, think, and act impurely extremely less than I had before. I was able to quit pornography and masturbation addictions (Not addiction as in a person crazed for drugs, but as stress-relieving/emptiness-filling sessions). As the months passed by, my feelings toward her (intellectually, spiritually, and sexually, all pure though) increased greatly.
In these past weeks, I approached her at the end of a youth-group night, and expressed my feelings for her as we hugged goodbye. Thankfully and to my joy, she shared the same feelings as well. But I also told her, that as much as I would love to date her, go places, you know, the works, I said that we should allow our relationship as friends to grow and to better our knowledge of one another before we embark on this great journey that God intended as a pathway of guidance for preparation of marriage. She agreed, and we both continue to be really great friends and still share the same romantic messages and sweet talks to each other, as well as spend time together whenever God wills it.
I know I am getting a bit long here, but this is almost several threads worth of information. I wanted these to go hand in hand because:
The reason I bring this up, is because it has happened twice in the past week or so, and I do not want it to continue! I admit I have been slacking at my daily-mass attendance, but I’m not sure what’s causing these 1% outbursts. Not to be too specific, but I don’t even “masturbate” “fully” (or so you can say), I do not erect as you normally would, I will just stop after several minutes, but no “full results” (yes I do receive a “pulse” of pleasure for a matter of a second or two, but there is no bodily release).
And, during this outbursts, view pornographic content (has only happened 1 out of the 2 times) I pretty much kept my eyes in the distance as I pressed the “X”, not wanting to view the content, but feeling as if something overcame me.
All I ask from you, as I have with God: Guidance. He has given it to me many times, and now as I await for his plan to unfold, I rely on his children to mentor my predicament.
-Masturbation
-Vocation
-Love
I am a 14 year-old Freshman at a Christian High School. I was brought up very strong in my faith, and continue to stay strong: I bear a scapular on my person, attend daily mass at my school as often as possible, evangelize various topics and discuss them with friends (ironically, including the same ones as above), I attend mass every Sunday and holy day of obligation, I am a part of my parish’s Lifeteen youthgroup, and much more.
But enough about my pros, and more of the cons. The first topic I’d like elaboration on is Masturbation. I think it was about 2 years ago I started to “notice” it and the “results” from it. I started to frequently perform the act, and didn’t really feel morally moved or spiritually discouraged, I just continued to do it, although something inside of me hinted there was something up with it.
I continued this action for a year or so, and then I started to read up on it and have conversations on it (such as at the retreats for the new members of my youth group). I panicked when I found out the true meaning of the act of masturbation. I started to confess it almost every time I went to confession, and even piled it in with other sins and labeled my confession “I’ve done things I shouldn’t have done…” and pretty much covered it up, and hadn’t been straight forward, even to this day.
When I started High School, a new friend of mine began to get me interested in theology and theological debates/discussions/writings, the whole 9 yards (He was actually very helpful, he plans on becoming a priest).
I read several books by Jason Evert, and that really put me on the right path. Several months before this, of course, towards the end of summer 2009, I met a girl. As I got to know her, I found out she was amazingly intelligent, psyched about her faith, absolutely beautiful, a great sense of humor, and we really clicked: she seemed like that perfect “someone”. I continued to make conversation with her, shared humor, went on tangents. I began to feel extremely different than I had ever felt before about a woman: I felt love.
Since I got to know the girl, the power of, what I still think it is, love, made me care, think, and act impurely extremely less than I had before. I was able to quit pornography and masturbation addictions (Not addiction as in a person crazed for drugs, but as stress-relieving/emptiness-filling sessions). As the months passed by, my feelings toward her (intellectually, spiritually, and sexually, all pure though) increased greatly.
In these past weeks, I approached her at the end of a youth-group night, and expressed my feelings for her as we hugged goodbye. Thankfully and to my joy, she shared the same feelings as well. But I also told her, that as much as I would love to date her, go places, you know, the works, I said that we should allow our relationship as friends to grow and to better our knowledge of one another before we embark on this great journey that God intended as a pathway of guidance for preparation of marriage. She agreed, and we both continue to be really great friends and still share the same romantic messages and sweet talks to each other, as well as spend time together whenever God wills it.
I know I am getting a bit long here, but this is almost several threads worth of information. I wanted these to go hand in hand because:
- It seems to me that because I felt and still feel that powerful force of love and mutual attraction, masturbation has ceased to be a “hole-filler” in this case.
- I know that many many people will say “Oh you’re 14, you’re not in love.” or something related to that. But I believe that it just may be love, and I can see myself marrying this person in the future (I have been in small relationships before this, and yes I admit that I have thought about marriage and all in those relationships, but I’ve NEVER felt this way in my life. It’s an amazingly compelling force of romance, I just can’t describe it.
The reason I bring this up, is because it has happened twice in the past week or so, and I do not want it to continue! I admit I have been slacking at my daily-mass attendance, but I’m not sure what’s causing these 1% outbursts. Not to be too specific, but I don’t even “masturbate” “fully” (or so you can say), I do not erect as you normally would, I will just stop after several minutes, but no “full results” (yes I do receive a “pulse” of pleasure for a matter of a second or two, but there is no bodily release).
And, during this outbursts, view pornographic content (has only happened 1 out of the 2 times) I pretty much kept my eyes in the distance as I pressed the “X”, not wanting to view the content, but feeling as if something overcame me.
All I ask from you, as I have with God: Guidance. He has given it to me many times, and now as I await for his plan to unfold, I rely on his children to mentor my predicament.
