Getting ready to have #2

[jc413]

Okay, we’re down to days now, before our little girl makes her entrance into this world! We have a 17-month-old little guy, and taking care of him has preoccupied us to the point that these nine months have FLOWN and now it has really dawned on me, “We’re going to have a baby!” AHHH!

At first, we were SO excited! I still am! And just last week, my sister asked me, “Are you nervous?” I laughed. “No! What’s there to be nervous about?” She said, “I don’t know, having two little ones to take care of. Stresses me out just thinking about it!” I said, “No, I’m sure we’ll be just fine.” That was then, this is now…

I am starting to have labor-pain flashbacks!! AHHH!! And how am I going to take care of our little guy (who is just a sweetie, but SO active) AND a newborn at the same time?? Will I actually be better at taking care of a squirming, little newly-hatched baby this time around?

And this is the big kicker…We are blessed to have a wonderful orthodox Catholic pediatrician for our son. She is also our NFP teacher, and a friend of ours. The last time I saw her, she gave me some good advice about helping our son adjust to having a sibling. And she said, “Remember to spend at least two minutes a day alone with David, just one-on-one.” That made me SO sad…will I really have to “try” to spend “two minutes a day” with my son? Gosh, I am so sad thinking about losing our precious one-on-one time. Maybe it’s just preggo hormones…

Does anyone else know what I mean?

I know so many of you have been here…

I guess I am thinking it would help so much to hear some encouraging thoughts from those of you who know what these struggles are like. And I will certainly put these fears in Our Lord’s hands. I think it’s time for my husband and me to do some serious prayer time. There is still time for a novena!

 

[naknek]

My wife and I have been there a few times now (No. 4 is 9 months old now, and the kids are spaced about 20 months apart.) Anyway … to be honest, since baby No. 2, I’ve referred to the infant + toddler stage as “the killer combo!” OK, so maybe that’s a little overly dramatic. But the little babies always have demanded a lot of attention, and our toddlers have had a tendency to wreak havoc when given the chance!

Hmmm … that probably didn’t sound too encouraging, did it? Honestly, in our experience it can be quite challenging at first, but after the baby reaches about 6 months old, things start getting a lot easier. I guess that’s about when they get a little more independent, and don’t feel like they have to be held all day long, and they usually are sleeping more at night (of course all babies are different, but that’s how ours have been). It can be really great to see the interaction between the kids!

I bet you’ll still get to spend a good bit of one-on-one time with your son, because the little babies sleep so much during the day. My wife often will read stories to the other kids when nursing the baby – she says that works out really well, and it can be a nice little family bonding time.

Bottom line: it can be exhausting at times, but if the going gets rough, just keep telling yourself to hang in there – it will get better after a few months!

 

[jc413]

Thank you! Yes, I am hoping our little girl fits into the “sleeps a lot” newborn category (my son did not!). That would definitely help the one-on-one time, I’m sure. And reading while nursing is a great idea. Hmmm, six months, eh? That isn’t TOO long in the grand scheme of things! And fortunately our little guy is a baby-lover. Now, how will he feel when this baby comes to stay is the question. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[kirabira]

My 2 are 21 mos apart. All kids are different but I havent had any jealousy issues or adjustment problems so far!

The way I handled introducing the new baby was to keep it low key. The baby really sleeps sooo much and is sooo tiny- honestly your firstborn might be like mine and hardly notice! We just hung out in the living room a lot for the first few weeks rotating toys, books. I kept a bassinet for when the baby was content to sleep-- my kids were both jaundiced so trying to keep them in sunlight is a big deal…
I also used the snugli sling right away so I would go the park with the baby strapped on and still go down the slide with him and follow him around just like normal.
I think your normal attitude towards babies is really important. Toddlers naturally love babies-- we always point out a baby and ooh and ahh over her.
I’m totally with the other poster tho- you’ll have lots of one on one time in the begining for sure! I think some moms have a strong instinct to totally focus on only baby — to an extent where they may overly worry about the big brother/sister hurting the baby or waking the baby-- which leads to scolding the older child-- which then pits the children sort of against each other if that makes sense? so-- I always steered clear of ever snapping at my firstborn phrases like “stop (X)!! you might hurt the baby” or " don’t (x) around the baby".
At toddler age your firstborn will be a great helper!! Tell him so often! He can help you fetch a new diaper-- the wipes-- throw a diaper away! Even if he can’t perfectly perform a task ask him for help and then praise him (possibly as you finish the task!). Toddlers LOVE to help and feel very important/ independent and special when you give them the opportunity to be helpful.
I always encouraged my firstborn to hold the baby and get really close to her. If you think a toddler is getting too rough you move the baby or redirect the toddler.
Congrats on the new baby!!! I miss those baby days!!

-Kira

 

[jc413]

Hi, Kira, Thanks for the reply! I’m with you with the baby carrier, believe me! I am loooooove my Baby Bjorn and plan on making good use of it! I"m also really lucky that my sister has a little baby (now six months old) so our son has had a lot of exposure. I’ve always let him touch and hold the baby – with tons of supervision of course! And he now knows what we mean by “nice nice” and “be gentle” with the baby. It’s so cute to watch.

I’m glad to hear both of you say that you still had one-on-one time with the older kiddos. I’m sure I will just be fine, I just have my moments of spazzing out, and I really appreciate the encouragement. Thanks!!

 

[jvel]

I have two children 21 months apart. They are now 5 1/2 and almost 4. The first year was the hardest, but after that they are the best of friends (and worst of enemies). They are very close, my daughter (the oldest) is always looking out for my son.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

 

[carrieloon]

There are so many ways to spend time with the older one while still caring for the baby that you will make your own groove and figure out what works for him.

My daughter was at an age where she loved being told stories for instance, so when I nursed I would ask her to come sit by me and tell her a story. That way, she thought that the nursing time was partly about HER (you know how kids are…the world revolves around them!) and the babe had already fallen asleep at the breast so it wasn’t like I was neglecting her, either.

I don’t know what your son’s temperament is like but you do so I’m sure you will come up with ideas of your own. Making rituals with an older child after the baby arrives is actually a really fun thing to do! You could decide to sing songs each time the baby falls asleep for a few minutes so that your little guy comes to look forward to special Mom time.
My daughter was older than your son so I would color with her after the baby fell asleep. It got to where when she saw the baby sleeping she would yell, “Craft Time!!” and be so excited because she knew that it was a special time for just us.
Yours could be doing blocks or cars or whatever it is that little boys DO, lol.
(can you tell I have two girls?!?)


Take care, best of luck to you and you will do great with the two of them.

Carrie

 

[theresa]

Will you be nursing your baby? My favorite times with a baby and toddler were when we’d be on the couch, and I’d read to my toddler while nursing the baby. Or, lying in bed and rest and talk with the toddler while the baby slept. It makes me sleepy just thinking about it! I have 6 kids, the first 5 were all less than 2 yrs. apart from each other. Busy, busy, but precious times! Your older child will adjust quickly, maybe not completely smoothly, but it’ll be OK. Don’t let anyone make you nervous about this. Take it one day at a time. When I was expecting my 6th, I remember a lady at the grocery saw me in my condition and I only had one of my other kids with me. She said “Oh, your life is going to be so much harder with two kids!” I said, “Wow, since this is my 6th, I’m glad someone finally told me!”

 

[mass4life]

Don’t know if you are still reading replies to your post!! My first two are 20 months apart. My first nursed all through my pregnancy, and afterwards, I tandem nursed. There are lots of sites about this if you do a search, of course in our culture you don’t hear much about tandem nursing.

It REALLY helped my son to accept my daughter, and in his own little language he understood that Mama can love him and sister at the same time. I tandem nursed for 10 months until I became pregnant again, and had to wean #1. (Too much drain on Mama to nurse two AND be pregnant!)

If your #1 does not nurse I would try my hardest to read or snuggle or play with him however you can while you nurse your #2. Good luck to you!

HMS