Getting rid of jealousy

[Heather07]

Hi everyone, I just wanted some advice on this. Everytime someone I know and care about gets something really nice thats better than something I have, I get so jealous my stomach hurts and it feels awful. I don’t want to feel this way at all but it just happens…I know this sounds very immature and un-Christian-like, but I don’t understand why I feel this way when I don’t want to and know I shouldn’t…how do I make it go away? I know this question sounds ignorant and juvenile, I just want someone’s advice…I know praying is the answer, but sometimes I just need that extra boost. I want to be happy for everyone not jealous…this has to be one of the worst sinful feelings you could get…Thanks guys.

~Heather~

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Heather07:

Hi everyone, I just wanted some advice on this. Everytime someone I know and care about gets something really nice thats better than something I have, I get so jealous my stomach hurts and it feels awful. I don’t want to feel this way at all but it just happens…I know this sounds very immature and un-Christian-like, but I don’t understand why I feel this way when I don’t want to and know I shouldn’t…how do I make it go away? I know this question sounds ignorant and juvenile, I just want someone’s advice…I know praying is the answer, but sometimes I just need that extra boost. I want to be happy for everyone not jealous…this has to be one of the worst sinful feelings you could get…Thanks guys.

~Heather~

Hi Heather,

You just identified one of the crosses in your life that you have to carry. We all have something. For some it is the sin of envy, for others the sin of lust, or greed.

However, remember when it comes to thoughts, you don’t necessarily sin. For example, if you catch yourself feeling envy of what someone else has, at that point right there, you have an opportunity to continue in the thought, which would be sinful, or to “change the subject” in some way by distracting yourself in some way. Some people do so through some prayers, others will just go do something different.

How would it be sinful if you continue in the thought?

1. Envy is one of the capital sins (same as jealousy), thus it is grave matter.
2. You must know it is grave matter, which now, you do.
3. You must willfully continue in the thought.

Those three things make up mortal sin and all must be present.

Passing thoughts are not mortal. Many people are bombarded with impure thoughts, but they are not sinful unless someone recognizes them as impure, then decides to take delight in them and continue in them.

Often times, such sins in thought lead to sins of action: One who is super envious may fall into stealing for example, and one with lustful thoughts may fall into masturbation or pre-marital sex.

Original sin is tough on us eh? That is why these things happen - because of original sin.

How can we help these things? Prayer, devotions, frequent use of the sacraments. Make sure you are going to Mass weekly. Make sure you are using confession often - at least monthly, if not weekly. Many people go weekly to build virtue, by confessing and discussing venial sins. You can use this as an opportunity to tell a priest that you are getting hit hard with envious thoughts even though you do not want them. He can coach you. People with sinful addicitons involving impurity are recommended to go often too.

Devotions act as a shield. Pray them, read spiritual literature, and fill your mind with things that are Holy. Eventually, it pushes out the garbage.

Be patient with yourself too. I have a whole list of things I need to work on. Some are more difficult than other things. But, we just keep chipping away.

God is interested in good efforts. Never give in.

I recommend reading Imitation of Christ - an ancient book still popular today. Here it is online!!! Just read and reflect on one single topic per day (one web page). Read it a few times that day to keep bringing the thought back. Gradually work through the book. Great stuff!!!

leaderu.com/cyber/books/imitation/imitation.html

One more thing: Approach God in silent prayer and tell Him to read your heart and how you desire not to have these envious feelings. Ask Him to help you. Ask Him to send His spirit to give you the experiences you need to lose this train of thought. Do consider devotion to His Mother. Jesus came to us through Mary and we go to Jesus through His Mother. He can refuse nothing from her, especially when one approaches in a humble, servile heart.

Be prepared after you ask this. When you least expect it, God will teach you some lesson you will never forget. But, it takes humility. Don’t be shocked, just learn. Consider spending time working in a homeless shelter or some other place where people are living day to day with what others give them. Part of the problem with envy is that we don’t appreciate the very things God has given us already. Consider how long an apple must grow before we can eat it. God has provided for us.

Diane

 

[Heather07]

Thanks Diane, that helps a lot. As soon as I was done reading your post, I felt much better. I am reading the contents of your link now and I can’t quit, lol. Like I said, I just needed that extra boost from someone who understands…Most people I know would end up telling me that I’m overreacting. Another thing that helps is this picture that I have of the Sacred Heart of Jesus on my refrigerator…everytime I look at it, I always feel humbled…sometimes I will talk(pray) to Jesus by looking at that picture because it just gives me a comforting feeling…Thanks again for the boost!

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Heather, I don’t think you are overreacting, I think you are simply reacting. What are you reacting to? A grace from God. It is that little disturbance that begins to say, “hey, there is something wrong with this and I’m not comfortable with it.” What happens next is a blend of confusion, sorrow, and so on. Guess what? This is God knocking on your door saying, “eh-hum, ah, we need to talk”. This is why silence is so important. We need silence in order to hear the voice of God above all the others.

I like to think of these disturbances as “spiritual tension.” At first you are so miserable with them you feel you are being punished or that you are a bad person. The more you read and sit in silence the more you find. This is just God taking you through a purgative process. Think of it as the Lord simply cleaning house.

When we first begin to see there is an “issue” with ourselves, there is a little denial, then we go through a reconciliation process internally. At least, some do and some don’t. Great time to head to confession when you get past the denial stage and want to acknowledge that God has given you the gift and grace of seeing that you need to work on something. Don’t try to correct it all at once. Just chip away and try to do a little better. The devil will try to get you discouraged.

This site, a Catholic Apostolate called, Opus Sanctorum Angelorum, is a great watering hole for spiritual reading. I read it all - lay circulars, youth circulars, priest circulars and even formation info. Check out what it says about the need for Holy Silence:

opusangelorum.org/English/Silence/Silence.html

Here is the main English page. Great, great site with lots of deep spiritual reflection material. Temperance is a good one too, as is Holy Obedience.

opusangelorum.org/English/Circular.html

Don’t go too fast through the Imitation. Just take one reading a day and meditate on it frequently through the day. Print one out and carry it with you. Somtimes you learn the most simply digesting pieces of a work at a time. See what it says to you. It is better than simply reading. Don’t read it, meditate it!

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

You mention the Sacred Heart. If you want to read something really interesting on the Sacred Heart, try this from that same Opus Angelorum website:

opusangelorum.org/English/Sacredheart.html

I had no idea and no appreciation for this devotion until I read this. I need to read it again.