A
Auntie_A
Guest
For your information: Some forms of mental illness and personality disorders have a sort of built-in physiological sense of denial. Your mother, while she may be able to plot, connive, manipulate, etc. may NOT realize that SHE is the problem. She may see you or your husband as the problem. Which MIGHT or MIGHT NOT be okay.
I know you have a family and a busy life but try to get as much support from good Catholics professionals on mental illness issues. Many mental health pros know appropriate strategies and boundary-setting for each specific diagnosis. If she hasn’t been diagnosed, sometimes just listing the behaviors to someone who knows diagnoses might at least give you a general idea of what goes on in that person’s interior life (how to approach in a crisis, whether they can do harm to themselves or others, whether any direct intervention can be a good or bad thing)
The more you learn about your mother and her behaviors, the better you can detach and protect yourself and your family appropriately. If you can include other family members, then all the better. A unified front can be very helpful and healthful for all involved. I don’t have as much actual family support but I have attended some good family support groups for mental illness like NAMI where you can get some good advice on how to deal with the affected family member as well as taking care of yourself.
I don’t ignore prayer-it’s very important, especially with mental health issues, but I do believe knowledge is power. Knowing whether my parent, relative, or friend is bi-polar or schizophrenic or narcissistic, or anxious or post-traumatic or OCD or a combination of those things helps me to know better how NOT to trigger her, and thus, deal with a crazy or dangerous fallout. A one-size-fits-all shutout of your mother MIGHT be the solution; or it MIGHT not, depending on her problem.
Also, as someone who had a mentally sick family member and then raised that person’s child who also became bi-polar, I have come to learn the importance of creating a more mentally healthful household for kids. For example, early intervention, nutrition, good limit setting can make a difference for a young person…
And those of us who live around the mentally ill need lots of rest and recovery ourselves. This can be very similar to the issues of children of alcoholic parents.
This is difficult stuff. I hope I haven’t overloaded you here but learning about mental illness and appropriate ways of dealing with afflicted family members has helped me get calmer as I learn how to effectively interact or not.
God bless you, Christ be with you, and may the Holy Spirit guide you in doing what is best.
I know you have a family and a busy life but try to get as much support from good Catholics professionals on mental illness issues. Many mental health pros know appropriate strategies and boundary-setting for each specific diagnosis. If she hasn’t been diagnosed, sometimes just listing the behaviors to someone who knows diagnoses might at least give you a general idea of what goes on in that person’s interior life (how to approach in a crisis, whether they can do harm to themselves or others, whether any direct intervention can be a good or bad thing)
The more you learn about your mother and her behaviors, the better you can detach and protect yourself and your family appropriately. If you can include other family members, then all the better. A unified front can be very helpful and healthful for all involved. I don’t have as much actual family support but I have attended some good family support groups for mental illness like NAMI where you can get some good advice on how to deal with the affected family member as well as taking care of yourself.
I don’t ignore prayer-it’s very important, especially with mental health issues, but I do believe knowledge is power. Knowing whether my parent, relative, or friend is bi-polar or schizophrenic or narcissistic, or anxious or post-traumatic or OCD or a combination of those things helps me to know better how NOT to trigger her, and thus, deal with a crazy or dangerous fallout. A one-size-fits-all shutout of your mother MIGHT be the solution; or it MIGHT not, depending on her problem.
Also, as someone who had a mentally sick family member and then raised that person’s child who also became bi-polar, I have come to learn the importance of creating a more mentally healthful household for kids. For example, early intervention, nutrition, good limit setting can make a difference for a young person…
And those of us who live around the mentally ill need lots of rest and recovery ourselves. This can be very similar to the issues of children of alcoholic parents.
This is difficult stuff. I hope I haven’t overloaded you here but learning about mental illness and appropriate ways of dealing with afflicted family members has helped me get calmer as I learn how to effectively interact or not.
God bless you, Christ be with you, and may the Holy Spirit guide you in doing what is best.
she showed up at me door and pretended that nothing had happened. When I asked for an apology, she said she was sorry for caring so much. It was disgusting! Another time she said that I was screwing up my non-speaking son by teaching him sign language. When I called her out on it, she said “I only said it once” instead of apologizing. Trust me when I say that my mother could not see that she was the problem in those situations. I’m not saying I’m 100% innocent in the drama, just that I’m willing to own my part. I did offer to get counselling, but she cried poor, and then told me she was going on vacation for two weeks this year because her husband received an inheritance and they were feeling flush.