Gift idea after a miscarriage

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My wife and I recently had a miscarriage very early in the pregnancy. I would really like to buy my wife something that she will always have to remind her of the baby. Maybe an orniment or a locket, but I’m not really sure what to get. I am looking for ideas and a web site that may sell something for occasions like this.
Thanks.
 
plant a tree or rosebush in the yard to show your beloved baby still lives with the Lord and in your hearts.
 
Bear with me, I have a wonderful suggestion, it’s a bracelet in memorial – made specifically for miscarriage/infant loss…I’ll have to find it but give me about an hour or so, 'k?

I was thinking of asking for one (my DH is apparently not quite as intuitive as you!! 😉 )
 
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. Something that I purchased for my husband and I was an ornament from our local Catholic store for our Christmas tree. The one I chose was a little angel inscribed with the name we gave our child, Samuel. My prayers are with you and your wife.
 
HERE – I found it!

www.october15.com

shop their store, I really like the key chain but the bracelets are really pretty too, and decently priced too (imho)
 
I am very sorry for your loss. We also had a miscarriage at 11 weeks of pregnancy. May God bless you and comfort you and your wife.

My mother in law gave us a “willow tree angel”. They sell them all over the place, on the internet, at Hallmark. The one we got is called “Angel of Miracles”. We planted a miniature rose bush on her grave and this little statue is there also.



I was considering purchasing one of those pro-life “precious feet” pins (the feet of an unborn baby at 10 weeks) but I do not want to attach the memory of my baby to a particular item. What if I loose it?

A chuch near our house is building a Rosary garden and we donated one of the mysteries (The resurrection) in memory of our baby. The church will put a small plaque with her name at that station. We thought that this would be a more permanent way to remember her, and it will be very prayerful. It is also very appropiate for us, because thru the Rosary and thru the Blessed Mother interseccion I was able to heal from my grief.

Hope this helps,
 
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Chovy:
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. Something that I purchased for my husband and I was an ornament from our local Catholic store for our Christmas tree. The one I chose was a little angel inscribed with the name we gave our child, Samuel. My prayers are with you and your wife.
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Not to change the subject or hijack the thread, but that just sent a shiver down my spine: I want to name my son, if I have one, Samuel.
 
With all empathy for the feelings of loss you are both experiencing, might I suggest that this might not be the best idea. An unfortunate, but common occurance with pregnancy is spontaneous miscarriage in the first trimester. Looking back over the experience of many friends and relatives, it seems it was more common than not that a first pregancy was lost to miscarriage.

This is very much a part of the normal experience of childbearing. Not every aspect of that process is commemorated in the same manner or with the same formality. Take time to grieve together and heal from this disappointment, but don’t indulge the temptation to walllow in the sad emotions of this temporary obstacle to your desire to be parents. When you are both ready, turn your focus to the future and the gifts that may be waiting for you. Keep physically healthy, walk or excercise with your wife, encourage her to continue her pre-natal vitamins and be careful about alcohol consumption. Get some pregnancy/parenting books and read them together. Enjoy the pleasure of starting anew to bring a new life into the world and begin your family.
 
Hello,

We have suffered 2 first trimester losses this year and it has been really hard, especially after 5 years of infertility and no live children. I think your idea is wonderful. I DO NOT agree with the previous poster. I wonder if the previous poster has ever lost a baby? You lost a child and you are allowed to grieve and to remember your baby. It’s not like it is really possible to forget anyway! You loved your baby even before you knew him. You will always remember, but the pain will lessen with time.

Go to myforeverchild.com/store/Default.asp
I ordered a mom’s bracelet for my 2 babies. They also have miscarriage bracelets. I also got my husband a keychain. I also ordered personalized Chirstmas ornaments for both of them from the Lenox website - they are so beautiful.

You can also have your child’s name inscribed in the Book of Life at the Church of the Holy Innocents. They will email you a really nice certificate. innocents.com/ Click the link at left that points to Shrine Dedicated to Children who Died Unborn. A mass is said for these babies every month.

All of these things will lead to healing and will help you to go on. I do not think it is a good idea to read pregnancy books right now as the previous poster suggested. It is too hard and stings too much. There is a time to grieve and only you will know how long it will take, but you have a right to grieve and to remember your baby in a special way and it is healthy.

God Bless,
Pam
 
My sister in law gave me a beautiful little statue of a baby sitting in the open palm of two hands and the baby has wings and is blowing a kiss. It’s a beautiful ivory color and I have it sitting on my window sill. Whenever I look at it, I think about my baby and I’m reminded that he/she is with our Lord.

I’m very sorry for your loss. Bless you for thinking of your wife in this way.
 
I have had two miscarriages, but I concur with the poster who suggested that for some, moving on is the better option.

When I was growing up, I was taught that miscarriages occur in nearly 25% of all pregnancies. Most occur very early on. 20 years ago, early home pregnancy and ovulation tests were not available. Many people probably miscarried before they even knew for certain they were pregnant.

It was understood that the pregnancy was not announced until the first trimester had passed, for this very reason. When my misccariages occured, I was sad, but understood that in a sense they were a normal part of a woman’s childbearing experience. So I didn’t make much of them.

today, many children are planned up to the month of their birth to coincide with a certain season, to allow time for a family vacation etc. People know they are pregnant within days of fertilization, and get very attached to the idea of a baby very quickly.

I know of “pregnancy showers” thrown for mother’s to be in their first trimester. It is hard, in this cultural midset, to not fall into the idea that the + sign on the HPT automatically means a baby 9 months later.

Still, we must remember, that these early miscarriages happen for a reason. Let us not set aside the wisdom of earlier generations, of our bodies and of God. Even much advance in medicine cannot make a healthy baby out of a baby that was not meant to be, and though our hopes are put on hold, let us continue to trust in God.

I do feel for you. I have been there. But sometimes it is best to move on. I am not talking about late miscarriages, but ones that occur very early, just a few weeks, I think it might be psychologically healthier not to hold on too tightly. Sometimes naming, creating memorials, telling everyone we have x number of children in heaven etc, can hold our focus on loss rather than blessing. Do not worry, those children don’t need you to carry them around forever, they are safe in the arms of God.

cheddar
 
I think it is a great idea to do something tangible to recognize your child in heaven. Life begins at conception and that loss should be recognized in a sacramental way (if you will.)
 
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cheddarsox:
I have had two miscarriages, but I concur with the poster who suggested that for some, moving on is the better option.

When I was growing up, I was taught that miscarriages occur in nearly 25% of all pregnancies. Most occur very early on. 20 years ago, early home pregnancy and ovulation tests were not available. Many people probably miscarried before they even knew for certain they were pregnant.

It was understood that the pregnancy was not announced until the first trimester had passed, for this very reason. When my misccariages occured, I was sad, but understood that in a sense they were a normal part of a woman’s childbearing experience. So I didn’t make much of them.

today, many children are planned up to the month of their birth to coincide with a certain season, to allow time for a family vacation etc. People know they are pregnant within days of fertilization, and get very attached to the idea of a baby very quickly.

I know of “pregnancy showers” thrown for mother’s to be in their first trimester. It is hard, in this cultural midset, to not fall into the idea that the + sign on the HPT automatically means a baby 9 months later.

Still, we must remember, that these early miscarriages happen for a reason. Let us not set aside the wisdom of earlier generations, of our bodies and of God. Even much advance in medicine cannot make a healthy baby out of a baby that was not meant to be, and though our hopes are put on hold, let us continue to trust in God.

I do feel for you. I have been there. But sometimes it is best to move on. I am not talking about late miscarriages, but ones that occur very early, just a few weeks, I think it might be psychologically healthier not to hold on too tightly. Sometimes naming, creating memorials, telling everyone we have x number of children in heaven etc, can hold our focus on loss rather than blessing. Do not worry, those children don’t need you to carry them around forever, they are safe in the arms of God.

cheddar
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“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”
Jeremiah 1:5
 
Thank you all for the prayers and ideas. There were some very good ideas.

I do know the fact that miscarriages are more common than most people think. I know a lot of woman have miscarriages and never know that they were pregnant. I do understand the idea to put this behind and not make a big deal out of it, but I disagree with it.

In our situation, we have had two healthy children, and this would have been our third. We found out we were pregnant in the ER at our hospital, and four hours later, we found out we lost the baby. In that time, we experienced surprise, joy, heard the heartbeat, and then loss. At the moment we found out we were pregnant, we realized that we were blessed by God and fell in love with the new member of our family. Even though we never held the baby, we will never forget it and it will always be a part of our family. We know that it is basking in God’s Glory, and we take comfort in that. We have pictures hanging on our walls at our home of family members, those living and those who have past away. Just because some of the family members have passed on, we don’t just take their pictures down and forget about them. It is along that same thinking that I want my wife to have something to remember this baby.

In any case, I learned that the children we have are truely miracles and gifts from God, and I am blessed to have them with me.
 
You ought to grieve and remember as you think befits your situation and your family. For some people, the right thing to do is to move on. You and your wife, though, seem to consider this child to be a part of your family as wholly as those who survived.

What did you do to mark the birth of the other children? Does your wife have a mother’s ring? You could add a stone to it. If you plant trees or shrubs, you can do that, perhaps making the ones for your surviving children something that blooms in their favorite color and the one for the third child something similar that blooms in white or a color that fits that one day you had together. You might select something specifically that blooms around the time of their special days, too.

Another thing you can do is to name a scholarship at your parish school for your child’s patron saint or make a donation to a children’s hospital or a shelter every year to mark your little saint’s “gift” holidays.

I would find it hard to wear a piece of jewelry just for the one child who died. A rosary, I would like that, because I would like my little one in heaven to be near whenever I prayed. That is me. You know your wife… or if you’re not sure, you can always tell her what you want to do and ask her. It may well be something she’d like to reflect on for awhile.
 
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your child. I have been there, and know of so many others. I think it’s very important to remember that these short lives were and are children, now deceased.

My personal opinion is that you will not be able to fully move on if you do not recognize your child by dignifying him/her with a name, then commending him/her to the Lord’s care

Like you, I heard my baby’s heartbeat, experienced shock (I had a 12-month-old) and then joy. A week later, we lost him. We had two daughters at the time and decided to name our lost baby after his grandfathers.

Two months later I became pregnant again and later gave birth to a son - Samuel. We haven’t forgotten our first son - his remains are buried atop the grave of one of his grandfathers. We wanted him to be close to somebody who, we are certain, loves him. We have a place where we can go to remember him. And we are joyous to know that he is in heaven.

My prayers are with you. Do what brings you comfort. You need to grieve first in order to heal.

May God bless you, your wife, and your baby in heaven.
 
I would personally suggest something prayer-related, such as a copy of Michelangelos “Pieta” or a special rosary. It is by spiritual communion that we connect with our little ones now. I have experienced this, and still feel close to my little Peter Teresa at Holy Mass, when the angels and saints gather around the altar of sacrifice. I also ask him to pray with me when I cannot sleep at night, and to continue to pray for me, for his father, and for his future siblings… During this pregnancy, I have asked for his prayers many times, especially in my fears of losing our second baby.

I know that my sisters would be interested in making you a special rosary, a commemoritive one, with your choice of Swarovski crystal beads and medal/centerpiece and crucifix that you could choose as well. PM me for more information if you are interested.

May God bless you always, and may you be protected and comforted under the sweet mantle of Mary, His mother and ours, especially in this time of grief.
 
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