C
CatholicSheila
Guest
I have a close friend whose wife walked out of the marital home a week ago. This is the fourth time in 5 years she’s done so and the 2nd time since they married in 2014. I’m trying to work out what advice I should be giving.
My usual advise when a Christian is looking at a separation/divorce (when abuse isn’t present) is that the bible doesn’t give space for them to just walk away from their spouse and marriage because things are hard. They made a commitment to each other and they have to do everything they can to honour it. I’ve really been encouraging my friend to leave the door open to marriage counselling and to make it clear to his wife he does want to work it out if she is willing. If she’s not willing, then there isn’t a lot he can do but allow the marriage to end but in that case he’s done everything he can.
My issue is, I’m wondering now if I’m right to encourage him that way. This is the second marriage for both of them. My friend is Pentecostal. I don’t know the details about his first marriage other than it only lasted a few years. Knowing my friend it wouldn’t surprise me if they were married in a Church, but it’s incredibly unlikely it was a Catholic Church.
His wife was married in a Catholic Church. She was married for 22 years and she once told me that she wouldn’t meet the requirements for an annulment. Her marriage to her first husband is/was valid. Which means this marriage to my friend, it isn’t. It doesn’t exist in the eyes of the Church. Since I’ve realised this, I’m wondering if perhaps I’m giving the wrong advice.
So far I’ve only commented on what is expected of him as a Christian. If I suddenly change my tune he’s going to question why. He’s not going to take the Catholic view well. He loves his wife. Ideally he would like his marriage to survive but he can’t see how this can happen.
Truthfully, he’s looking for a Christian reason for walking away. He’s mentioned the verse about been yoked to unbelievers and stated that since his wife attends a Catholic Church, perhaps she isn’t Christian. Oddly enough, his reasoning was confession. Odd because his wife doesn’t believe in or practice the sacrament of reconciliation. He’s also bought up a sermon by TD Jakes (a big pentecostal preacher) where he says that if a saver is married to a spender/gambler, there is nothing but frustration and you can’t get ahead. Both of which are easy to counter as reasons it is ok to divorce.
I don’t think he would mind if I told him he is free to get a divorce. He won’t like if I tell him his marriage isn’t real anyway. If it makes a difference, I don’t see it working. I can’t see her been willing to put the effort into saving the marriage.
I guess my question is this: Given the Catholic view of marriage, am I required to say to him that his marriage isn’t real and not only can he leave, he should leave.
Can I counsel him to save his marriage, because that is what his Christians beliefs are?
My usual advise when a Christian is looking at a separation/divorce (when abuse isn’t present) is that the bible doesn’t give space for them to just walk away from their spouse and marriage because things are hard. They made a commitment to each other and they have to do everything they can to honour it. I’ve really been encouraging my friend to leave the door open to marriage counselling and to make it clear to his wife he does want to work it out if she is willing. If she’s not willing, then there isn’t a lot he can do but allow the marriage to end but in that case he’s done everything he can.
My issue is, I’m wondering now if I’m right to encourage him that way. This is the second marriage for both of them. My friend is Pentecostal. I don’t know the details about his first marriage other than it only lasted a few years. Knowing my friend it wouldn’t surprise me if they were married in a Church, but it’s incredibly unlikely it was a Catholic Church.
His wife was married in a Catholic Church. She was married for 22 years and she once told me that she wouldn’t meet the requirements for an annulment. Her marriage to her first husband is/was valid. Which means this marriage to my friend, it isn’t. It doesn’t exist in the eyes of the Church. Since I’ve realised this, I’m wondering if perhaps I’m giving the wrong advice.
So far I’ve only commented on what is expected of him as a Christian. If I suddenly change my tune he’s going to question why. He’s not going to take the Catholic view well. He loves his wife. Ideally he would like his marriage to survive but he can’t see how this can happen.
Truthfully, he’s looking for a Christian reason for walking away. He’s mentioned the verse about been yoked to unbelievers and stated that since his wife attends a Catholic Church, perhaps she isn’t Christian. Oddly enough, his reasoning was confession. Odd because his wife doesn’t believe in or practice the sacrament of reconciliation. He’s also bought up a sermon by TD Jakes (a big pentecostal preacher) where he says that if a saver is married to a spender/gambler, there is nothing but frustration and you can’t get ahead. Both of which are easy to counter as reasons it is ok to divorce.
I don’t think he would mind if I told him he is free to get a divorce. He won’t like if I tell him his marriage isn’t real anyway. If it makes a difference, I don’t see it working. I can’t see her been willing to put the effort into saving the marriage.
I guess my question is this: Given the Catholic view of marriage, am I required to say to him that his marriage isn’t real and not only can he leave, he should leave.
Can I counsel him to save his marriage, because that is what his Christians beliefs are?