Giving money to parents

[Athanasius]

Since a moderator indicated that a previous thread of mine had strayed from its original topic and suggested opening another thread for other topics, that’s what I’m doing now.

Basically, I was just needing some clarification about something I discussed in the other thread…….

Some background information: My parents (both non-Catholics) do their grocery shopping and getting gas for the cars on Sundays quite often, even though they could do those things on other days of the week without any trouble. Now, since I am living with them, I give them some extra money each week to help them out on those things (though they do not expect me to give it to them, nor do they need the extra money; it’s just helpful). I’ve been doing this for a while now.

But then I started to do some thinking, and getting a little worried. While I wish to continue giving them the money, I also wanted to make sure it is OK, even though they are doing their shopping on Sundays when they could do it on another day of the week.

A couple of posts in my previous thread (here and here) seemed to state it would be.

But like I wrote in the other thread, I was needing some clarification…

Though I am confused a little: what does this quote from the Catechism refer to then?

Every Christian should avoid making unnecessary demands on others that would hinder them from observing the Lord’s Day

It would appear shopping unnecessarily would fall under that category, since it requires others to work…but then again, so would going to a restaraunt, which the Catechism does state is allowed. So that is confusing me.

Also, there is another thing still bothering me… apparently the bishop of Phoenix has said we shouldn’t shop on Sundays…

Phoenix Bishop says “No Sunday Shopping”

Is what the bishop stated simply a very strong recommendation not to shop? Or is he implying that it was obligatory not to? (It was this news story that started bringing up all these questions concerning Sunday shopping for me). If I can understand what he was meaning, then I think I’ll be all right.

Certainly, on a personal level I plan on following his advice. But as I can’t control what my parents do, I was just wishing to make sure that I can still give my parents money even if they don’t need it (it would just be helpful), and they would spend it on Sundays unnecessarily.

From what you quoted from the Catechism, it would seem that it would be all right for me to give my parents the money. After all, if you can go to a resteraunt on Sunday, as the Catechism states, then certainly grocery shopping or getting gas would seem to be acceptable (but then I’m confused as to what that quote from the Catechism I quoted above is referring to). But then I’m confused as to the bishop’s meaning…unless it was simply a strong recommendation, in order to stress the importance of Sunday , but not an absolute obligation.

If that is the case, then my questions will be cleared up, and it would appear that I could give my parents the money, even though they would spend it on Sunday unnecessarily (especially since I can’t control when they spend it)…

I had received clarification on the quote from the Catechism (though I’m still a little confused there), but I was also wishing to understand what the Bishop meant, and how all of this would apply to me (in short, whether it would still be all right for me to give my parents the money and I’m simply being scrupulous on this matter). Thanks.

 

[Lazerlike42]

Sounds like a suggestion to me. Typically, when a Bishop issues a binding statement, language is used that makes it very clear. Also, it would be made in the form of a document, not in the form of a talk to a limited congregation.

 

[puzzleannie]

Athanasius:

. Now, since I am living with them, I give them some extra money each week to help them out on those things (though they do not expect me to give it to them, nor do they need the extra money; it’s just helpful). I’ve been doing this for a while now.
s.

if you give your parents money, not as rent or other obligation, but as a gift, they have comlete and total right to do anything they want with it. If you place conditions on how it is used, it is not a gift. There is not an absolute prohibition in Church law against shopping on Sundays, there is rather an obligation to assist at Mass and to observe the day as holy, to refrain from servile work and unnecessary commercial activity. The interpretation of necessary and work is left to the individual. First of all someone who is not Catholic is not bound by Church law. Second, it is probably futile for a child to try to change the habits and behavior of a parent in any case, but to attempt to use money or favors to manipulate another person to adopt some behavior is wrong for anyone, especially parents and children.

 

[Courtneyjo]

Many parents in the situation of your parents would charge room and board. If you paid room and board, you wouldn’t have a say in how the money is spent. But with the arrangement with your parents, you don’t pay room and board, you give them money. This is a gift, and you still don’t have a say in how they spend their money.

It is not against Church teaching to shop on Sundays. Perhaps for your parents it is a relaxing way to spend time together and an enjoyable routine that they share.

If it still bothers you, you could buy groceries (household staples, things that are used up quickly, or special treats that you know that like), on other days and present them as a gift to your parents.

 

[Athanasius]

Thank-you for the answers. That helps a lot!

 

[LSK]

WOW - I like Courtneyjo’s answer!:clapping:

And I think it is necessary to remember that you are their guest…so if you do buy a few things for them you are making life easier for your hosts (though I am sure they do not see their beloved child in that way!).

 

[Athanasius]

I have just one last question on this topic, which I asked in the other thread, and which is related to what I asked earlier in this one, in which I need a clarification of the basic principles…

If my parents do go shopping on Sunday, or get gas on Sunday (even if doing these things are not activities they enjoy, but just something they do on that day instead of another day of the week), then I cannot control that. However, can I stil use the things they purchase on Sundays, even if it is not necessary for me to do so?

To give an example, I might wish to go to a store on Tuesday night, not out of any necessity, but just to look around. My father could give me a ride there (since I have no license). But say he got the gas for the car on Sunday afternoon. In order to go to the store on a Tuesday night, I have to ride in a car in which the gas was purchased on Sunday by my father (getting gas for the car obviously not being an activity he enjoys doing, but just does on Sunday instead of another day). Is that all right? (especially since he would have gotten the gas on a Sunday whether he gave me a ride to a store on Tuesday night or not).

Or again, if my parents buy groceries on Sunday (grocery shopping not being an activity they enjoy either), and while shopping, buy snacks for the family, is it all right for me eat the snacks (which, obviously, I don’t need to eat). Again, they would buy the snacks for the family regardless of whether I eat them or not. (This question is particularly relevant with Thanksgiving coming up next month )

In other words, is it all right for me to “benefit” from the things they do on Sunday, activities which they do not enjoy, but they would nonetheless continue to do no matter whether I used such things or not?

 

[Courtneyjo]

Okay, I had trouble following the last post due to all the “what ifs”. It seems to me that you’re being scrupulous. You benefit from alot of things that are done on Sunday, no doubt. You don’t need to make things so complicated. Take a deep breath and relax, give thanks for your parents, and help out wherever possible.

 

[Al_Masetti]

Can I buy a newspaper on Sunday?

How about a quart of milk?

Fill up the car gas tank? Or stop driving and wait until Monday? Can I travel on Sunday if I have to do work in some other city first thing Monday morning?

But then where do I draw the line?

If no other day is available for shopping, can I buy groceries for a shut-in on Sunday?

If shopping is “work” for someone, is that forbidden? But if shopping is “fun” for someone, is that allowed?

Are we supposed to make ourselves crazy splitting all these hairs?

If my donkey falls into a well, can I pull it out on the Sabbath?

 

[Athanasius]

Good points. Thanks for the help.

 

[YESSIREEBOB]

How about get a real job and move out? Problem solved!

(1 Timothy 5:8) “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”