Giving the bride away

[surfinpure]

I always viewed this tradition as a beautiful part of the marriage ceremony, and here’s why:

In our Judeo-Christian and Catholic model, the husband/father is the head of his household. In ancient times, he was called the “covering” of the woman. He is ultimately responsible for protecting and providing for his family. When a father hands over his daughter to her husband, he hands over the tremendous responsibility of protecting her and providing for her, and the family they will grow. He is no longer her covering; her husband is. It is a tremendous act of trust, to give this most precious gift of one’s child to another human being.

Because I was married young (at 20), I appreciated the full reality of this tradition. My father literally was handing over my care to my husband, who was to be the breadwinner and overseer of our household. My dad was the best of providers and the most protective father (in a good way) a girl could ever hope to have, and I saw how much it tore him up to walk me down the aisle and give another man full responsibility for me.

Now, in today’s modern, anti-family, feministic society, when women are marrying much older than they used to and generally care for themselves when they finish their education, this may seem an unnecessary and antiquated tradition. But a good father will always feel the responsibility for looking after his daughter. And he will be very concerned that the man she marries will do a good job. He should not be denied the honor of presenting her to her husband – her new “covering,” especially if he has earned this honor through his years of hard work and care for his family.

 

[surfinpure]

In the Catholic Marriage Rite the bride and groom process together. Just like a Sunday Mass, there is a procession with a crucifer, priest, wedding party, bride & groom.

However, most priests will allow the option of the the father escorting the bride and meeting the groom at the front because it’s a “local custom” in this country. It’s NOT the way the Rite is written.

That’s the way MY Catholic wedding went!

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I always viewed this tradition as a beautiful part of the marriage ceremony, and here’s why:

In our Judeo-Christian and Catholic model, the husband/father is the head of his household. In ancient times, he was called the “covering” of the woman. He is ultimately responsible for protecting and providing for his family. When a father hands over his daughter to her husband, he hands over the tremendous responsibility of protecting her and providing for her, and the family they will grow. He is no longer her covering; her husband is. It is a tremendous act of trust, to give this most precious gift of one’s child to another human being.

It is still **not **Catholic theology. It is truly not his to “give”. Marriage consists of mutual submission. The bride’s consent- by canon law, CCC and the Rite of Marriage- clearly state it is her free consent that ratifies the marriage, and it always has.

Now, in today’s modern, anti-family, feministic society, when women are marrying much older than they used to and generally care for themselves when they finish their education, this may seem an unnecessary and antiquated tradition. But a good father will always feel the responsibility for looking after his daughter. And he will be very concerned that the man she marries will do a good job. He should not be denied the honor of presenting her to her husband – her new “covering,” especially if he has earned this honor through his years of hard work and care for his family.

It was *never *this way in Catholic theology, at least at the point of the Council of Trent and beyond. I’ve done my research.

And it is the bride’s choice how she processes. Not all fathers are nice people. Not all fathers are alive. Some fathers should be denied any type of honor in a wedding.

 

[surfinpure]

It is still **not **Catholic theology. It is truly not his to “give”. Marriage consists of mutual submission. The bride’s consent- by canon law, CCC and the Rite of Marriage- clearly state it is her free consent that ratifies the marriage, and it always has.

It was *never *this way in Catholic theology, at least at the point of the Council of Trent and beyond. I’ve done my research.

And it is the bride’s choice how she processes. Not all fathers are nice people. Not all fathers are alive. Some fathers should be denied any type of honor in a wedding.

I’m sorry, it was my impression the OP wanted to know everyone’s feeling and opinions of the tradition, not how it fit into Catholic law. I was merely stating what was asked of me. If the OP wanted 100% confirmation of his/her own feelings on the subject, why start a thread?

 

[BlestOne]

I got married 3 yrs ago and my procession went like this:

Crucifer
Altar servers
Priest
bridesmaid and groomsman
maid of honor and best man
Bride and Groom

The bridesmaids and groomsmen were our children at ages 18 down to 10… so up at the altar was dh and I with our children (3 mine and 1 his, none “ours” as we weren’t married yet).

My priest did have to get a dispensation for my dd to be a witness (read: maid of honor) as she was 13 and hadn’t been confirmed yet. But he had no problem as all my kids were top of their classes in catechism. That was the entire concern for how we chose to have the wedding. Father did stress that in a Catholic wedding the groom and bride SHOULD process together but that a father was allowed to process with his daughter as a concession to popular tradition.

 

[Salonika]

I’m sorry, it was my impression the OP wanted to know everyone’s feeling and opinions of the tradition, not how it fit into Catholic law. I was merely stating what was asked of me. If the OP wanted 100% confirmation of his/her own feelings on the subject, why start a thread?

Thank you surf(name removed by moderator)ure - you put what I wanted very well.

Yes, I did want to know what people thought of the tradition as even though I am now clear it is not part of the Catholic wedding rite most people will have had experience if not of the actual practice then of the idea.

Think the comments of some of the posters make clear that they see a component of “giving the bride away” or “handing the bride over” occuring when their daughter marries.

I am always interested in why people favour a view I don’t follow (and also one I do as the reasons can be so different). And I have learnt from this thread and been impressed by the deep feelings expressed by some fathers of the bride. Maybe that was what was behind me saying years ago that if I ever married, Dad could walk me down aisle.

 

[Phemie]

When DD got married 2 years ago she opted to get married outside the Church (much to my dismay).

DH walked her down the aisle and was instructed to reply “Her mother and I do” when the minister asked “Who gives this woman in marriage?” I thought it was totally ridiculous since at 27 she’d been on her own for 10 years and living with SIL for 3 years.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I’m sorry, it was my impression the OP wanted to know everyone’s feeling and opinions of the tradition, not how it fit into Catholic law. I was merely stating what was asked of me. If the OP wanted 100% confirmation of his/her own feelings on the subject, why start a thread?

Well, I apologize, because I thought the opposite, that OP was under the impression the Church somehow thought fathers gave away brides.

Starting a new thread so do not hijack the one “asking the father”.

It’s about “giving the bride away” something I always felt was barbaric and demeaning to the bride treating her as if she was a possession and having the implication that she was no longer part of her birth family.

What I like is the bride and groom being welcomed into the others family and/or that celebtaring that two families are merging.

Depending on the couples/family beliefs this welcoming can take place during the wedding ceremony or at the reception afterwards.

What do other’s think especially about “giving the bride away” being obsolescent?

Thank you surf(name removed by moderator)ure - you put what I wanted very well.

Yes, I did want to know what people thought of the tradition as even though I am now clear it is not part of the Catholic wedding rite most people will have had experience if not of the actual practice then of the idea.

Think the comments of some of the posters make clear that they see a component of “giving the bride away” or “handing the bride over” occuring when their daughter marries.

I am always interested in why people favour a view I don’t follow (and also one I do as the reasons can be so different). And I have learnt from this thread and been impressed by the deep feelings expressed by some fathers of the bride. Maybe that was what was behind me saying years ago that if I ever married, Dad could walk me down aisle.

 

[duskyjewel]

I was never commenting on whether the idea is or is not part of Catholic wedding rites. I was commenting on the “all is oppression of women” attitude expressed by the OP.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

If you read the CCC, you would know:
**1662 **

If you read the Rite of Marriage, you would know:
(Ordo Celebrandi Matrimonium Intra Missam)

1. At the appointed time, the Priest, vested for Mass, goes with the ministers to the door of the church or, if more suitable, to the altar. There he meets the bride and bridegroom in a friendly manner, showing that the Church shares their joy.
   Where it is desirable that the rite of welcome be omitted, the celebration of marriage begins at once with the Mass.
2. If there is a procession to the altar, the ministers go first, followed by the priest, and then the bride and bridegroom. According to local custom, they may be escorted by at least their parents and the two witnesses. Meanwhile, the entrance song is sung.

Statement of Intentions 24. The priest then questions them about their freedom of choice, faithfulness to each other, and the acceptance and upbringing of children:
N. and N., have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
**Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives? **
The following question may be omitted if, for example, the couple is advanced in years.
**Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church? **
Each answers the questions separately.

Logically, you should see that Catholic brides come to marriage freely, of their own will, to give their own consent. There is no “Who gives this woman?” in the Catholic ceremony, as in the Anglican. And you may certainly ask Father Groecshel who will tell you the same. Fathers might or might not walk their daughters up the aisle, but there is no “giving away” of the bride.

Seriously, I am so glad you posted this - I really appreciated reading the actual information.

It answered a lot of my questions!

OutinChgoBurbs, as a former Chicagoan (and still a rabid Cubs fan), if I were still living up there I bet we’d be good friends! And you’d be a great help to me in converting!!!