Please, OP. Take a deep breath and let’s sort through this.
No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed
This is a quote from Leviticus, about the requirements for the Jewish priesthood. This is part of the Law that we are no longer under obligation to follow.
I don’t pretend to understand all the theology behind this passage, other people have explained this better, but IIRC, it had to do with generous giving to the Lord (if you offer one of your sons to the priesthood, the stronger and more able bodied sons would mean more of a sacrifice to you, the parent, not because they are intrinsically worth more, but because in those days, all the family members worked hard for survival, and your stronger sons could help you more–so this was a radical trust that God would provide)
And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven
This is from the New Testament. Jesus said it.
Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit means final refusal to repent. I.e. A person on their deathbed, at the very moment of death, refusing to repent.
Your conditions are the cross you carry in this life. Sometimes schizophrenia and bipolar are associated with intrusive and unwanted thoughts (I don’t have to tell you this!)
Only God know where you were at, mentally, when you said the thing, but He never turns away anybody who sincerely repents.
If you’re Catholic, make sure confession is a regular part of your spiritual practice.
And you can explain to he priest "this is my diagnosis, and I did
this.
The priest has heard it all before, won’t be shocked or dismayed, and will guide you through
ray:t2:
ray:t2:
ray:t2: for you.
