God or the girl.

[peters21]

Hi, God-willing I will be entering the seminary next fall. I have never been more sure about anything in my life than my call to the seminary, and I’m really excited for this adventure. Until recently I can’t say that I’ve had this same excitement about the priesthood. I finally accepted the fact that I am called to be a priest and God has sent me numerous signs throughout my life to verify this. My plan was to pursue the priesthood with all my being and if God called me elsewhere than I would accept it, but I knew I should focus on being a priest.

Because of this surrender to God, my relationship has deepened immensely and my attraction to the priesthood has grown exponentially. I have finally been able to completely sacrifice myself to God’s plan and I am truly excited to live a life in service to others.

Unfortunately, like many vocation stories, there is a girl involved. As soon as I decided to enter the seminary (about a year ago) this girl and I began growing closer. She became my best female friend and I just simply enjoyed being with her. I began developing feelings for her, but this never sidetracked me from my call to the seminary. I knew I must not pursue a romantic relationship with her and this was very difficult for me as she is someone who i would be honored to potentially marry someday. I now know that it is very common to meet your “dream girl” as soon as you decide to enter the seminary, and typically things do not workout with the girl. So I’ve accepted the fact that things were not meant to be.

This is until.recently as I have been feeling a strong call to the married life. It is not a selfish feeling but one I’ve developed from a growing prayer life. In the past I would have welcomed this, but I found myself telling Christ the other day that I honestly, “really want to be a priest.” This doesn’t change my plans of seminary as I am still not certain of my vocation. But this would be a lot easier if I didn’t keep getting images of marrying the girl I mentioned earlier. I’ve prayed about this as I feel she may be a distraction in my discernment. And the answer I keep getting back from Christ is that I need to talk to her about this.

My question is what do I even say to her?
Should I cut off communication in order to discern properly?
Also general discernment tips would be nice.
Or any tips in growing in my relationship with God.

 

[mab23]

My question is what do I even say to her?

Tell her what you told us, that you love her or have strong feelings for her and you feel you are being called more to married life (with her in particular) since that is what you stated

then asks if she feels the same way towards you

after this you will know much better where you stand and if you don’t do the priest thing there is always Deacon and you wont have regret

Should I cut off communication in order to discern properly?

I don’t think so… but who am I

Also general discernment tips would be nice.
Or any tips in growing in my relationship with God.

Pray , If she doesn’t feel the same way don’t let it get you down see it as an assurance that the priesthood is your call

if she does feel the same way then you will have to find out what your heart wants and ask God what he wants and make your decision

 

[latingirl]

Sometimes a guy and a girl can get really close to eachother without romance involved. Can you see yourself being good friends with her?

 

[Lisa1967]

Hi, God-willing I will be entering the seminary next fall. I have never been more sure about anything in my life than my call to the seminary, and I’m really excited for this adventure. Until recently I can’t say that I’ve had this same excitement about the priesthood. I finally accepted the fact that I am called to be a priest and God has sent me numerous signs throughout my life to verify this. My plan was to pursue the priesthood with all my being and if God called me elsewhere than I would accept it, but I knew I should focus on being a priest.

Because of this surrender to God, my relationship has deepened immensely and my attraction to the priesthood has grown exponentially. I have finally been able to completely sacrifice myself to God’s plan and I am truly excited to live a life in service to others.

Unfortunately, like many vocation stories, there is a girl involved. As soon as I decided to enter the seminary (about a year ago) this girl and I began growing closer. She became my best female friend and I just simply enjoyed being with her. I began developing feelings for her, but this never sidetracked me from my call to the seminary. I knew I must not pursue a romantic relationship with her and this was very difficult for me as she is someone who i would be honored to potentially marry someday. I now know that it is very common to meet your “dream girl” as soon as you decide to enter the seminary, and typically things do not workout with the girl. So I’ve accepted the fact that things were not meant to be.

This is until.recently as I have been feeling a strong call to the married life. It is not a selfish feeling but one I’ve developed from a growing prayer life. In the past I would have welcomed this, but I found myself telling Christ the other day that I honestly, “really want to be a priest.” This doesn’t change my plans of seminary as I am still not certain of my vocation. But this would be a lot easier if I didn’t keep getting images of marrying the girl I mentioned earlier. I’ve prayed about this as I feel she may be a distraction in my discernment. And the answer I keep getting back from Christ is that I need to talk to her about this.

My question is what do I even say to her?
Should I cut off communication in order to discern properly?
Also general discernment tips would be nice.
Or any tips in growing in my relationship with God.

Have you talked about this with a spiritual director? I think that should be your first step.

 

[SaintPatrick333]

Hi, God-willing I will be entering the seminary next fall. I have never been more sure about anything in my life than my call to the seminary, and I’m really excited for this adventure. Until recently I can’t say that I’ve had this same excitement about the priesthood. I finally accepted the fact that I am called to be a priest and God has sent me numerous signs throughout my life to verify this. My plan was to pursue the priesthood with all my being and if God called me elsewhere than I would accept it, but I knew I should focus on being a priest.

Because of this surrender to God, my relationship has deepened immensely and my attraction to the priesthood has grown exponentially. I have finally been able to completely sacrifice myself to God’s plan and I am truly excited to live a life in service to others.

Unfortunately, like many vocation stories, there is a girl involved. As soon as I decided to enter the seminary (about a year ago) this girl and I began growing closer. She became my best female friend and I just simply enjoyed being with her. I began developing feelings for her, but this never sidetracked me from my call to the seminary. I knew I must not pursue a romantic relationship with her and this was very difficult for me as she is someone who i would be honored to potentially marry someday. I now know that it is very common to meet your “dream girl” as soon as you decide to enter the seminary, and typically things do not workout with the girl. So I’ve accepted the fact that things were not meant to be.

This is until.recently as I have been feeling a strong call to the married life. It is not a selfish feeling but one I’ve developed from a growing prayer life. In the past I would have welcomed this, but I found myself telling Christ the other day that I honestly, “really want to be a priest.” This doesn’t change my plans of seminary as I am still not certain of my vocation. But this would be a lot easier if I didn’t keep getting images of marrying the girl I mentioned earlier. I’ve prayed about this as I feel she may be a distraction in my discernment. And the answer I keep getting back from Christ is that I need to talk to her about this.

My question is what do I even say to her?
Should I cut off communication in order to discern properly?
Also general discernment tips would be nice.
Or any tips in growing in my relationship with God.

I was and am in the same boat as you. I chose the girl. At first I wondered if satan was attempted to dissuade me from following my vocation. I was so certain I was meant to be a Priest (and truthfully it still feels as strong as it ever did). But I met a girl and we are in love. I have a desire to spend my life with her. I feel called to marriage. God put her in my life for a reason. It wasn’t to test me. And satan didn’t put her in my life to tempt me. She completely supported my chasing the Priesthood when we first met. But as time went on we grew closer together. Friends at first, just as you said. Now we’ve reached a point where I can’t imagine my life without her. I could break up with her and see about going to the seminary. But that thought makes me feel so empty. I was a month away from leaving for the seminary (if I got accepted of course) when God intervened. I am going to focus on her. Marrying her and a Sacramental marriage. If I still feel called to a life of service to the Church in a very real way than I will get with my vocations director again and discern a possible call to the Permanent Diaconate. Through the invincible power of hindsight, I can’t help but feel “I” was deciding, more than God, that I had a calling to the Priesthood. God intervened last second and helped me see where He wants me to be. There is a great need for good Priests. However, as Cardinal Dolan mentioned, there is a shortage to the vocation of matrimony as well. The Church needs Her laity to have blessed Sacramental marriages. To have as many children as God deems fit and build up His Kingdom. And most importantly, for the future generations of parents to properly catechize and spiritually guide their children according to the Magisterium of the Church. Whether God wants me to be clergy or laity, I am ready to follow. I just thank Him for sending my beautiful Virginia into my life. Whereas before there was doubt, fear and uncertainty, now there is only peace. Leave it in God’s hands. Keep yourself open to anything and everything. If you keep your eyes on Jesus, your heart will guide you to Truth. God Bless.

 

[Cathhsmom]

I now know that it is very common to meet your “dream girl” as soon as you decide to enter the seminary, and typically things do not workout with the girl. So I’ve accepted the fact that things were not meant to be.

I just wanted to address this part of your post. I, personally, know of a couple of people whose fathers went to Seminary, but ended up deciding to get married instead. It is not necessarily “typical” that it doesn’t work out with the girl. In fact, one of the women that I know whose father intended to become a priest instead has a priest for a son. So, it may be that you are meant to go to Seminary for a while, but then get married. It is too early to say. This could be God softening your heart for one or more of your future children choosing a religious vocation.

My best advice is to pray, talk to the girl openly and honestly, and talk to your spiritual director.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I agree with the thought that you should be open with the girl and your spiritual director. Maybe going on a “solitary” retreat would help. It doesn’t have to be for long, just a few days. But it would put you in a place where you can work through your feelings and pray for guidance. The girl may or may not be a distraction or test. It is possible that you were meant to be friends only with this girl. Our society is so wrapped up in the idea that a relationship between a guy and a girl has to be a romantic one. Well, fooey on that idea. :hammering: If that was the only type of relationship there is out there, then all the singe people must be in real trouble.

 

[Evbrau]

I have no background or characteristic whatsoever that would make me an authority of any sort for what I say here, except for what I know to be true from my personal time in, and understanding of, God’s Word and my quite imperfect and often distracted walk with Christ.
So I say, with respect, that I do not envy your position! I wish that I had the gift of discernment, but I don’t. SaintPatrick333 seems to allude to more than conflicting feelings and uncertainty in his response, despite the peace and satisfaction he may attach to his decisions. :twocents:
Statements like “I am going to focus on her” compete directly with “If you keep your eyes on Jesus…”.and the process of feelings at one extreme evolving into feelings at the other extreme cannot be easy at all. Though I don’t claim to know his situation or anything about him, this is a critical point - probably the heaviest, most important one I want to make. It’s here where the reality of what God is calling us to do gets warped by our human interpretations and rationalizations.God is perfect - in clarity, reason, justice, everything. Like He told the young man who came to Him and asked what he needed to do to go to Heaven, (I’m paraphrasing) “Sell everything you own (drop everything, everyone, die to yourself), give it all away to the poor, and come follow me.” EVERYTHING. There’s no question what God wants from us. It is a perfectly reasonable expectation/command, coming from our perfect God. But we convince ourselves - in myriad ways, logical, practical, philosophical, selfish, ridiculous ways - that it’s not. How many even come close to heeding a call like that? All the Bible says is that the young man walked away sad, because he was very rich. It doesn’t say whether he ever did what he was literally called to do that day by Christ Himself! Can you imagine? Jesus, flesh and blood, spoke to the guy, and the guy turned away! Sounds unbelievable and outrageous, but we do it all the time, every day, in both big and little ways. We can be intently focused on following Jesus - hearing Him, answering Him, living for Him, walking with Him, loving only Him - and things can progress along with few wrinkles, if any; the entire journey can be reaffirming and reassuring. Then, as our relationship with Him deepens, we respond to a call to further step out in faith but, rather than remain focused on Christ, we either don’t move at all or we look down (or around, or back, or at something more attractive, easier, etc…). Was it Peter who stepped out onto the water but began to sink once he took his eyes off Jesus? That’s all it takes for anyone, but those in your shoes are the hardest hit because you might feel that whatever weaknesses you experience mean you’re either not ready or not worthy of such an incredible vocation and you risk getting totally derailed. These are perfect windows of opportunity through which satan fires his grand weapons of fear (of failure and success!), insecurity, etc. I believe that this is the point that distinguishes the truly called-and-committed few from the ready-and-able, but not willing, many.
Personally, I believe that Priests should be allowed to marry if they so choose. I’m not sure that the married priest’s fall from grace would differ significantly from that of any unwed priest except that it may attract less press. Either way, it boils down to an awareness of the frailty of human nature and magnifies our need, our calling, to look to Christ alone as our perfect role model, and for the final say.
I think it’s a disservice to you to try to justify, in any way whatsoever, a decision that takes you away from dedicating your life completely and unconditionally to Christ. Better for me to be tied to a rock and thrown into the sea! It isn’t my place at all to say what He wants you to do, but I guarantee He will be faithful to tell you Himself if you ask. So ask, then be still and wait. And be a good steward of whatever life He gives you!

 

[cargau]

Hi, God-willing I will be entering the seminary next fall. I have never been more sure about anything in my life than my call to the seminary, and I’m really excited for this adventure. Until recently I can’t say that I’ve had this same excitement about the priesthood. I finally accepted the fact that I am called to be a priest and God has sent me numerous signs throughout my life to verify this. My plan was to pursue the priesthood with all my being and if God called me elsewhere than I would accept it, but I knew I should focus on being a priest.

Because of this surrender to God, my relationship has deepened immensely and my attraction to the priesthood has grown exponentially. I have finally been able to completely sacrifice myself to God’s plan and I am truly excited to live a life in service to others.

Unfortunately, like many vocation stories, there is a girl involved. As soon as I decided to enter the seminary (about a year ago) this girl and I began growing closer. She became my best female friend and I just simply enjoyed being with her. I began developing feelings for her, but this never sidetracked me from my call to the seminary. I knew I must not pursue a romantic relationship with her and this was very difficult for me as she is someone who i would be honored to potentially marry someday. I now know that it is very common to meet your “dream girl” as soon as you decide to enter the seminary, and typically things do not workout with the girl. So I’ve accepted the fact that things were not meant to be.

This is until.recently as I have been feeling a strong call to the married life. It is not a selfish feeling but one I’ve developed from a growing prayer life. In the past I would have welcomed this, but I found myself telling Christ the other day that I honestly, “really want to be a priest.” This doesn’t change my plans of seminary as I am still not certain of my vocation. But this would be a lot easier if I didn’t keep getting images of marrying the girl I mentioned earlier. I’ve prayed about this as I feel she may be a distraction in my discernment. And the answer I keep getting back from Christ is that I need to talk to her about this.

My question is what do I even say to her?
Should I cut off communication in order to discern properly?
Also general discernment tips would be nice.
Or any tips in growing in my relationship with God.

That is what discernment is all about. Work with a good spiritual director to see what God wants in your life. Marriage is not a lesser vocation. Who knows you maty get married and you have a son that becomes a pope…

Anyway I knew a man who entered the seminary in the 50’s. After discernment, he decided that the priesthood was not his calling. He ended up getting married and having eight kids. I’m one of them.

Remember to be humble and be willing to go where God leads you.

 

[aidanbradypop]

Many years ago lol…shhhh…I was kind of in your position. I had a girlfriend and was also discerning the priesthood. My SD guided me so very well when it came to this matter. He actually sat down with both of us and told me after than God was calling me to other things besides that priesthood. I was so angry and sad when he told me that. That girlfriend is now my wife and mother of my two sons. Today I am so grateful for my SD to guide me in the correct direction. I am currently going through my diaconate formation. You can serve the Church in many ways. We are all called to serve the Church, but not all are called to the priesthood.

If she does not feel the same way as you do about the relationship, then that could be your answer. I would ask you to consult your SD (which you should have one by now) on the matter. Pray…pray…pray…pray…pray and when you think you have prayed enough…pray some more!

 

[thunderboom]

I have never been more sure about anything in my life than my call to the seminary, and I’m really excited for this adventure. Until recently I can’t say that I’ve had this same excitement about the priesthood. I finally accepted the fact that I am called to be a priest and God has sent me numerous signs throughout my life to verify this. My plan was to pursue the priesthood with all my being and if God called me elsewhere than I would accept it, but I knew I should focus on being a priest.

Strange. My discernment played out the exact.same.way. I think it must be a pattern - either God using it to draw us closer to Him, or Satan trying to draw us away from God. I tend to think it’s the former, i.e., God trying to teach us more deeply what He’s calling us to.

I bolded that above because it is telling: you pretty much know where you’re called. Then a beautiful person came along, and you’re not sure. It throws in a monkey wrench; but you still know what you’re more deeply drawn to. I’m no SD, but you may want to think a little more deeply on that.

Unfortunately, like many vocation stories, there is a girl involved. As soon as I decided to enter the seminary (about a year ago) this girl and I began growing closer. She became my best female friend and I just simply enjoyed being with her. I began developing feelings for her, but this never sidetracked me from my call to the seminary. I knew I must not pursue a romantic relationship with her and this was very difficult for me as she is someone who i would be honored to potentially marry someday.

This is good. It really teaches us the beauty of marriage, and the reality of what we’re giving up to pursue Christ with all we are.

I now know that it is very common to meet your “dream girl” as soon as you decide to enter the seminary

Welcome to the club, brother!

This is until.recently as I have been feeling a strong call to the married life. It is not a selfish feeling but one I’ve developed from a growing prayer life. In the past I would have welcomed this, but I found myself telling Christ the other day that I honestly, “really want to be a priest.” This doesn’t change my plans of seminary as I am still not certain of my vocation. But this would be a lot easier if I didn’t keep getting images of marrying the girl I mentioned earlier. I’ve prayed about this as I feel she may be a distraction in my discernment. And the answer I keep getting back from Christ is that I need to talk to her about this.

I prayed about it like crazy after it happened to me. I, of course, had just decided to apply to the seminary (I went through with the application anyway) when I started hanging out with her. I spent many an hour in the Adoration chapel after I met her; ultimately it helped bring me closer to God, I think. The key is prayer. Interestingly, after I stopped seeing her, my sense of vocation to the priesthood came back, even more fiercely than it was before.

Take that as you will. If she’s really your good friend, you want to keep seeing her; but if possible, you might want to tell her about your discernment and maybe keep your relationship a little less “intimate” (for lack of a better word) for the sake of discernment. It is entirely possible that you are called to marriage - but you want to tbe certain you aren’t called to the seminary before you begin to explore that possibility.

 

[InThePew]

I had this some years back when I was first discerning a vocation to priesthood (I’m now in the seminary - some years later) - things were going just fine until I met this girl… (stop me if this sounds familiar…).

Anyway, to answer your first question, you might like to start with the truth. Tell her how you feel about her but also be upfront about your feeling for the priesthood and take it from there.

Turning to your second question, my answer would have to be a resounding no! Putting aside how she’s probably going to feel if you suddenly cut off all communication, you’d also be effectively blacking out a potential vocational call so if anything, instead of discerning “properly” you risk ignoring God’s will for you.

I guess that sort of leads into your third (and fourth) question. Besides pray, I guess I’d just say be open to God’s call for where he wants you to go especially if that’s where you don’t want to go! Being a seminarian doesn’t mean closing off all other avenues of discernment - you’re expected to continue the process of discernment after entering the seminary and right the way through.

One final thing I would say is, depending on how strong and / or serious you’re feelings are about her (and hers about you) you might want to consider postponing your entry into the seminary to allow yourself more time to explore the possibility of a vocation to marriage. I can’t stress enough that ** the priesthood is not in any way a “superior” or "better’ vocation** to marriage or anything else for that matter.

So pray, discern, talk to your SD, talk to the girl and be open, honest and upfront with everyone (including yourself).

 

[Isaiah_53]

Not sure if this is an option, but you could continue dating the girl until your 2nd to last year in the Seminary. This is most likely not recommended by the priests, but I think you could have the option to become married and then become a permanent deacon your 2nd to last year.

 

[Chantal25]

Saint Benedict had intense attack of desire about a girl that he meet. He almost gave up his retreat to go seek for her. Short story, he did a physical penance (Thrown himself into the thorn bush), he never had again these temptation. I am not saying to you to do this physical penance but perhaps, you can do a fast, prayer and ask God to take those desires away if his will is for you to become a priest. Pray to be protected in all ways.

I found myself having inappropriate attraction with married man or priest, but after a simple prayer, it went away and it never came back. Those feelings are often not from us but the D… So discern.

I pray for you to be protected in all ways.

Blessings to you!

p.s. It is typical that you will meet this almost perfect person as you are about to embrace God’s service. Be strong and you will be reward.