God punishing us out of love

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I have a devout faithful prolife Catholic friend. At our New Year’s party the discussion of God’s punishment came up. This friend believes that God punishes us out of love… as a father/mother does to a child, when trying to form them. I can follow this thinking, although I would personally not use the word “punish”, rather just that He is “forming” us. She suggests that we are just splitting hairs with words - and perhaps she is right.

But here is where I get stuck. She said (and she hopes the Lord blesses her with LOTS of children) that she is “waiting for God to punish her with a special needs child”. My other friend and I were very upset to hear her say that and tried to make our case that God does not **punish parents with special needs children. **

The other important detail is that she has a special needs brother. She sees her mom struggle a lot because of him. She candidly said (and remember she is a devout uber faithful prolife Catholic) she seems her brother as much more of a burden than a blessing.

Can anyone give me guidance as to how to approach my friend?
 
JenDox said:
I have a devout faithful prolife Catholic friend. At our New Year’s party the discussion of God’s punishment came up. This friend believes that God punishes us out of love… as a father/mother does to a child, when trying to form them. I can follow this thinking, although I would personally not use the word “punish”, rather just that He is “forming” us. She suggests that we are just splitting hairs with words - and perhaps she is right.

But here is where I get stuck. She said (and she hopes the Lord blesses her with LOTS of children) that she is “waiting for God to punish her with a special needs child”. My other friend and I were very upset to hear her say that and tried to make our case that God does not **punish parents with special needs children. **

The other important detail is that she has a special needs brother. She sees her mom struggle a lot because of him. She candidly said (and remember she is a devout uber faithful prolife Catholic) she seems her brother as much more of a burden than a blessing.

Can anyone give me guidance as to how to approach my friend?
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Punishment, or suffering? Perhaps the term was used loosely.

All suffering is an opportunity - and I mean opportunity in a good sense - to share Christ’s cross - which he told us to do. Perhaps your friend is saying that she would welcome a special needs child because this sacrifice on her part would be an extraordinary opportunity to love. It’s easy (usually) to love a child, but is indeed more of a burden to love a special needs child. All love involves sacrifice. All love involves willing sacrifice. Perhaps your friend is unique in that she has so much love to share, that there is even enough for a special child.

I’m tired now and should have said more, with more clarity. I hope this makes sense.

Late Edit: aren’t we most Christ-like when we are suffering for the benefit of another?
 
JenDox said:
She suggests that we are just splitting hairs with words - and perhaps she is right.
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I think that was where she was going with her language. I just hope that she never uses those words when giving advice to another, because while I think I understand her point on more linguistically positive terms, I can see where that would cause problems. You might want to point that out to her for reference.
 
Defects will invariably arise out of a world tainted by original sin. God is responsible for everything good. Man causes his own suffering.

Special needs children are a burden, maybe. They’re a test of charity. I wouldn’t think of them as a punishment. It’s unfair to them.

I was hearing impaired and my mother, too. She thinks and I half-way agreed that it humbles us. Special needs children may have their trials for their own good, and it presents an opportunity for adults and people to practice charity with them. I am tempted to think of our interactions with them as similar to the way God interacts with us - He has to condescend to us, bear with our faults, and makes allowances for our weaknesses.

I have had to deal with individuals with set-backs - I never doubted their dignity and saw Christ in them. It is a singular joy to be like Christ to them.
 
She sees her brother as a burden rather than a blessing? Yikes!

I think she has good intentions, but needs to remember that every human being is created in the image of God.

If she sees her mother struggle, maybe she can offer to watch him while her mother takes a vacation (a much-needed break from parenting)?

There are resources available to help with every situation and I think maybe they need some help caring for him if it seems to be getting to be too much for that family. 😦

I have a friend with a special needs daughter and she believes that her daughter was sent to her from God so she could learn how to love better. She has other children, too, but the joys and challenges of raising her daughter have taught her so much.
 
JenDox said:
I have a devout faithful prolife Catholic friend. At our New Year’s party the discussion of God’s punishment came up. This friend believes that God punishes us out of love… as a father/mother does to a child, when trying to form them. I can follow this thinking, although I would personally not use the word “punish”, rather just that He is “forming” us. She suggests that we are just splitting hairs with words - and perhaps she is right.

But here is where I get stuck. She said (and she hopes the Lord blesses her with LOTS of children) that she is “waiting for God to punish her with a special needs child”. My other friend and I were very upset to hear her say that and tried to make our case that God does not **punish parents with special needs children. **

The other important detail is that she has a special needs brother. She sees her mom struggle a lot because of him. She candidly said (and remember she is a devout uber faithful prolife Catholic) she seems her brother as much more of a burden than a blessing.
Can anyone give me guidance as to how to approach my friend?
Click to expand...
This is not how i see my two sons who have severe autsim to the point they cant speak nor understand much…

i believe that my sons are on this earth because they cannot give offence to God neither by word deed or thought… such souls are precious to God most of us cannot give the proper praise and thanksgiving and honour and glory to God as we all should… my sons are angels to me and to God… i have been given a special task of caring for these two children who belong completely to God… Their souls are white and beautful to God…
THIS IS NOT PUNISHMENT but an honour for me… yes the work is hard but its a labour of love…
I will leave everything in the hands of God His will be done!
 
Thank you for all the great feedback.

I meant to also post — that she used this Scripture to back up her point:

“Endure what you suffer as being a father’s punishment, your suffering shows that God is treating you as His children. Was there ever a child who was not punished by his father? If you are not punished, as all His children are, it means you are not real children, but bastards.” (Hebrews 12:5-12)

@ricmat, your articulation of suffering/sacrifice is great… I’ll use that!
@Margarete, great point! She thought I might have a “hang up” about using the word “punishment” but I think your point is dead on.
@red85, “test of charity” perfect!
@Aleema, beautiful. Just beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
 
When I see a Special Needs child (mental or physical) I want to take them into my arms and love them. That desire is from God. He uses these children to bring forth charity in others.
 
Just a comment, I say a morning offering prayer every morning, but I alter it slightly from its original form, because I find it more useful to me this way.

Instead of saying, “Eternal Father, I offer you all my prayers, works, and sufferings of this day,. . .” I say, “Eternal Father, I offer you all my prayers, works, sufferings, and joys of this day,. . .”

I find this frees me of the burden of differentiating my suffering from my joy. God said, anyway, “I will turn your suffering into joy.” It can be suffering, and needless suffering at that, to enter into the agony of attempting to “figure out” whether you should be grateful or not, depending on whether something is a joy or a suffering. I leave it all to God. I don’t want to have to sort out which is which. I am grateful for it all. All of it comes from my Heavenly Father anyway, so why should I agonize over which is which?
 
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