Godparent Nightmare Testimony

  • Thread starter Thread starter Charisma316
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Charisma316

Guest
Hello, I will be brief as possible.The situation is rather horrific.

We agreed to serve as godparents (GP) to a parish family whom we were friends with. Our children were friends in our small parish school. They seemed like a nice family. We had socialized with them for a few years and attended Cursillo together. They had no one who would agree to serve as GP to their fourth child in their family because others were serving as GP for some of their other kids. Or so we were told. Several of their friends also turned them down. That should have been a red flag. When they approached us we agreed since both husbands were KofC, and we tried to be “good Catholics.”

Then it all turned horribly wrong. We witnessed one of their children sitting on our daughter at the bottom of a swimming pool while our daughter struggled to get free. She had no air and was blacking out. I jumped in to save my daughter. The mother chastised me for being over protective. Then it was revealed that one of their children sexually assaulted our daughter.

As if that’s not enough, the mom turned out to be bipolar, which we did not know, and things got crazier after we made the prayerful decision to remove these people from our lives. We had to change our home phone twice to an unlisted number to keep her from calling. I was working from home, caring for my mother with dementia. My cellphone was changed three times. It got so bad, she would stalk me and send email messages reprimanding us for not including her and her family when other people invited us to gatherings. When I changed my hairstyle and color so did she. She stalked us on social media. And the husband was just as bad, calling my husband at work and reprimanding him for the same. This couple was 39+ years old. At the time. At one point we had parishioners specifically tell us that they wanted nothing to do with that family and why. My question was why didn’t those people warn us BEFORE we agreed to serve.

I don’t have enough space to write all the crazy things that went on. Needless to say, as a result, we chose to preserve and protect our family. We left that parish and moved to another one an hour away. And changed all devices and social media accounts again.

We have since learned that the couple is divorced.

Sad. But I do not believe that God wants us to sacrifice our own precious daughter to serve as a GP in the situation…That was 12 years ago. We are at a place of peace. I’m sure she has found another GP. And we have no regrets.

I’ve read all sorts of advice about” once a godparent always a godparent.” But in this case, I do believe that our disassociation is not about a lack of full filling a responsibility, but genuine desire to preserve and protect our family which God also calls us to do.

Your thoughts?
 
Last edited:
I pray you have found peace and are safe now. If you haven’t done so, please notify authorities about them for what happened to your daughter.

The only obligation you have as a Godparent is to pray for your Godchild. I have never met my Godparents. I have a Godson that I have never met except for his baptism day. That situation is not unique, even if the surrounding story is.

I hope your family finds healing. If it is any consolation, I know someone with a similar story, although much more recent. She and her family moved an hour away, and thankfully the other family moved soon afterwards even farther away in the opposite direction. I don’t know why no one tipped you off, but in her situation it was fear of being labeled as gossipers. Knowing the situation of that parish I have to agree. Even if someone had tipped them off, I’m not sure they would have believed it. The other family was by all appearances a good, holy family that was super involved in the parish, various ministries, the school, and parish activities. Maybe it was like that where you are. You described them as friends with your kids and involved in K of C, etc.

I always struggle with how to act in situations like that. It’s a very fine line between letting people know they should be cautious and spreading rumors. People need to be in a place where they are receptive to your concerns or else your warnings could backfire. Sometimes it is better to be there once things go wrong instead. That is all I can figure about why you weren’t warned.

I am sorry you have this cross to endure.
 
It does sound like you went through a lot! You were justified in separating yourselves from that family! Your own children come first…always! And it’s not like you just walked away because you didn’t like them…your children we’re being abused! You definitely did the right thing, being ‘overprotective’ with your daughter! Children have died from less serious swimming incidents!

So, it’s been twelve years? If you’re ever asked, by a church member or official, about your ‘godparently’ duties, just tell the truth…you agreed without having all necessary information!

The other church members probably just didn’t want to be labeled as ‘gossips’. That’s why they didn’t tell you everything. So, go on with your own life and faith, knowing you did the only thing that you, as responsible parents, could do!

God Bless!
 
Maybe the family does not realize their errors. Next time tell your priest about problem like this. Your priest should then talk to the family about this to clear things out. Your priest, as a leader, should keep the peace of members of Christ’s body as each person has their own purpose and holy journey they want to complete.
 
You can continue to pray for your godchild.
My own children’s godparents have not shown up since the baptism. Both couples have since divorced. We probably chose badly, but were new Catholics. I suspect it’s not uncommon.

Ideally you would want to send occasional gifts to a godchild, but where stalking is involved, obviously that can’t happen.
 
Sounds awful. I’m glad it’s over for you.

It would be nice to learn what you can and hopefully your story will help others to be discerning in the same situation.
 
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I will openly confess here publicly that based upon our experience, people shouldn’t serve as godparents unless they are family and know the family members very well. Second, never feel obligated to say yes out of feeling sorry for someone who can’t find a GP. Their problem should never be your problem. Third, do what is best for your family first. It may sound selfish to some people, but the vow that you take in marriage and as a parent I believe carries far more weight than any vow you take to be a godparent.

Sidebar: Years after removing ourselves from the situation, we had to go to the emergency room at a local hospital with our daughter. The mother of this family was working at the hospital ED. We did not know… heck, we didn’t even know that she had become a nurse. It had been 10 years. She was not assigned to our room… But took it upon herself to bounce right in and ask us what was going on and plop down on the chair next to my daughter, raising my daughter’s anxiety, and started rambling on and on about how wonderful her life is and every detail about the life of each of her children. My husband and I said nothing just stared in shock and awe. Our daughter rolled her eyes and looked at us with that deer in headlights took. And this woman is responsible for caring for sick people. I got up and walked out to get the Charge Nurse to have her removed. A sane person would have not done that while respecting the situation and our wishes.

Someone on a Catholic forum told me “ once a godparent always a godparent .” I said not quite. The Church rules don’t apply to circumstances like ours. Period. We are confident she has secured another set of godparents for her child. Our names may be on the baptismal certificate as a witness. And that is all we will ever be. Witnesses. By the grace of God.
 
What is it you think is the role of a godparents?

You witnessed the baptism and that isn’t going away. Ideally after that you pray for your godchild – and in this situation the child certainly needs prayers. Socializing with the family is not an ongoing requirement of godparents.
 
Last edited:
Do you pray for your godchild every day? Have a Mass said for them (anonymously is okay) once a year? You are always going to to be the baptismal sponsor, keep the prayer and live your life as a witness to Christ.

Being a godparent does not mean you attend every social event or birthday party, that is icing on the cake. Take care of the prayer side of it and let God work out the rest.
 
Oh I know the meaning and purpose. 🙏💕 Meanwhile, the family in question expected us to go to extremes in serving. Yes, believe it. Gifts, trips, money, etc. we were shocked by there expectations. You never really know a person… Until something causes them to reveal their true identity. Very scary.

As for praying for the child… We have turned her over to God and ask him to care for her… And help them find godparents that could be of better service than us. Other than that we don’t give them another thought. Until I posted this thread… which was a result of me hearing you talk about the importance of honoring vows. (Sigh) funny how something like that can trigger a lot of bad memories.🤔😊
 
It sounds like you tried to be the best God parent and friend that you could, you were also being the best mother you can be.

You are a wife and mother first God puts our children in our care for us to protect and teach the right way. Friends and God parent duties have to take a back seat.
Instead of reprimanding you for saving your daughter she should’ve made her kid apologize and reprimanded her child.
 
I’m very to sorry to hear of what you went through. That does sound truly horrifying.

As for your being the child’s godparents, I can understand how you feel since that was the point of entry for this family into your lives. And you certainly are more than justified in cutting off contact with them.

I think sometimes we over-emphasize the role of godparents, though. Yes, in an ideal world, our children’s godparents would be close family or friends who remain involved in their lives as a good and faithful witness of what it means to be a practicing Catholic in the world today. But that doesn’t always happen.

I’ve had to step in and be someone’s sponsor on occasion when no one else can be found. I continue to pray for those people, but I don’t start taking family vacations with them.

Fundamentally, a godparent or sponsor is simply a practicing Catholic who is witnessing the administration of the sacrament of Baptism or Confirmation. That act of witnessing doesn’t change simply because the relationship falls apart. That’s why you have people saying “once a godparent, always a godparent.”

It’s like the maid of honor or best man at your wedding. Even if the friendship fizzles, the fact that they were in your wedding party is just a matter of record. It doesn’t mean they committed to be your best friend forever.

Definitely pray for your godchild, though. It sounds like she really could use the prayers considering her family situation. But praying from a distance also seems very prudent.
 
For the ‘once a godparent, always a godparent’ camp…

How would you like your children’s godparents inviting themselves to every birthday party, graduation, maybe a family vacation or two…if the godparents acted as badly as these parents, I think they’d be singing a different tune
in no time!

So many parents invite people to be their kids’ godparents with expectations of gifts, babysitting service-free, of course, and attendance at events of their own selection only. It doesn’t seem often that they refrain from complaining if these same godparents send unwanted invitations, show up at events uninvited, or expect gifts themselves. So far, I haven’t read any responses that seem to come from people who think this way, but all seem to know someone who does. For anyone who has ever thought this way, remember…there are two sides to every story!

The OP and her husband entered this situation not knowing all the facts…from what I see, they probably stayed friends with this family longer than was healthy for them!

OP, if you remember your godchild in prayer, from time to time, you are doing your best. Don’t let these people, or anyone else, guilt you into anything. Your first responsibility is to your own children, and you acted in their interest. Good for you!!!

God Bless!
 
Last edited:
Legend said:
For the ‘once a godparent, always a godparent’ camp…

How would you like your children’s godparents inviting themselves to every birthday party, graduation, maybe a family vacation or two…if the godparents acted as badly as these parents, I think they’d be singing a different tune
in no time!
Click to expand...
If I were in the OP’s shoes, I would definitely put as much distance as possible between myself and the other family. What she went through is truly terrible.

But that doesn’t change the fact that they are the godparents. That’s just a matter of record. When you go to the parish of Baptism and pull out the sacramental registry, they will still be listed as the godparents. That will never change. But that doesn’t mean they have to maintain a close personal relationship with the child and her entire family in perpetuity. In this case, cutting off communication is definitely warranted.
 
Matters were handles appropriately at the time. But let me share with all of you, we did receive commentary from parishioners who felt we should be more “Christ-like” and help theses people. As my pastor said, “God didn’t you here to be anyone’s doormat, and He certainly didn’t send you here to save anyone soul. He already sent His Son to do that.”
 
Thank you everyone here for your kind words and support. I posted to help others who might encounter similar experience. I hope all your comments and information help others as well. Please be with you all.
 
You did a good thing, sharing your experiences. People do tend to go into godparenthood idealistically. But, you’ve shown, there are people who take advantage of situations. Or, simply, don’t understand. You removed an unpleasant episode in your life, so, that others in your situation would understand. Thank you!
 
Legend said:
For the ‘once a godparent, always a godparent’ camp…

How would you like your children’s godparents inviting themselves to every birthday party, graduation, maybe a family vacation or two…if the godparents acted as badly as these parents, I think they’d be singing a different tune
in no time!
Click to expand...
These are completely unrelated things.

You are once and always the baptismal sponsor for the child, that is a fact. You sponsored the child at baptism. Nothing changes this fact.

The sponsor also assists the baptized in leading “a Christian life in keeping with baptism and to fulfill faithfully the obligations inherent in it.” We do this to the best of our ability. It is not possible for the OP to fulfill this responsibility because of the situation. It happens.

Nothing about presents. Nothing about making yourself or your family available for abuse. Nothing about going to parties, inviting yourself to events, going on vacation, or spending money at all.

No reason to try to “de-godparent”’ someone. It is simply a fact of the baptism.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top