M
misfitz
Guest
I posted a topic back in February about finding a good Catholic spouse. Some things have transpired since then and I’d like to get some feedback. This is my story and how I arrived where I am today.
I’m in my early 40’s and had not seriously dated since my mid twenties. It was a time when I was going through an adjustment of sorts and the fear of AIDs got to me. I also grew tired of the men I was encountering who were not serious and seemed to only want sexual relationships.
I had spent the next 12-15 years in avoidance of men because of this. I also saw my parents through a bad divorce while in my twenties.
As I approached 40, I began to realize that I did not want to grow old alone. Female co-workers used to send me funny profiles from Match.com as a joke. I got a kick out of looking at some of them. Eventually, I got really frustrated reading some of the stuff these guys included in their profiles. All related to sex. In my frustration, I did a search wondering if there were any Catholic singles. That’s when I came across a Catholic singles site.
Now, keep in mind that during my years of “dryness” my mother only encouraged me to remain single. To basically stay out of trouble…don’t go looking for it.
Well, I went on that site scared to meet anyone locally, afraid of a stalker, etc. I decided I would only participate in the forums and only correspond with those at a distance, thinking no one would want to travel to meet me (yes, I was VERY new to this stuff).
I had also been praying that God would send me someone to spend the rest of my life with. If not, at least a very good friend.
When I met someone from another city who was willing to travel here, I eventually told my mother (leaving out the internet as our way of having met). To my great surprise, she told me that she had been praying for God to send me someone. That she did not want me to be left alone when she dies. Surprise is an understatement!
Anyway, once she found out how we met, suddenly, she accused me of having something wrong with me and that I needed to see a therapist. I should not be on the internet looking for someone.
She tamed down a bit when I met someone who was originally from here but now living across the country. She even encouraged me to fly out there to meet him and even paid for the trip.
Fast forward. I’ve met and gone out with 5 from the site in the last 2 and 1/2 years or so. They were all problematic (i.e. just plain wrong) except for the current one (so far).
Mom does not yet know about this current one. We had a blow up in February about all of this internet dating and stuff. So I haven’t yet told her about him. He is from out of state and is a widower with children. She would have a fit because she will think that he is only looking for a mother for his children.
Now after all this info, keeping in mind that I’ve been praying for a good Catholic spouse to spend the rest of my life with, and my mother had been praying for it as well…
Do you truly believe that God uses the internet to bring people together? I began corresponding with him in February 2007. This guy has been my sounding board through all of the other knuckleheads I had my heart broken over.
I’m seriously at a loss over all of it. I guess I’m looking for God to give me something carved in stone. I know the internet can bring evil. I know that it’s hard to truly get to know some one at such a distance. I also know that two people can be married for 30 years and not really know one another. I’ve seen people who have met locally and married and not know that their spouse is cheating on them, etc., etc.
Can I please get some kind of advice, encouragement, ANYTHING? No two priests will tell me the same…except that basically, God does not will our spouse to us. That we must seek if we want a good Catholic spouse.
Sorry so long! I just wanted to make sure that I could get as “educated” of a response as possible.
Thank you to those of you who read and respond!
I’m in my early 40’s and had not seriously dated since my mid twenties. It was a time when I was going through an adjustment of sorts and the fear of AIDs got to me. I also grew tired of the men I was encountering who were not serious and seemed to only want sexual relationships.
I had spent the next 12-15 years in avoidance of men because of this. I also saw my parents through a bad divorce while in my twenties.
As I approached 40, I began to realize that I did not want to grow old alone. Female co-workers used to send me funny profiles from Match.com as a joke. I got a kick out of looking at some of them. Eventually, I got really frustrated reading some of the stuff these guys included in their profiles. All related to sex. In my frustration, I did a search wondering if there were any Catholic singles. That’s when I came across a Catholic singles site.
Now, keep in mind that during my years of “dryness” my mother only encouraged me to remain single. To basically stay out of trouble…don’t go looking for it.
Well, I went on that site scared to meet anyone locally, afraid of a stalker, etc. I decided I would only participate in the forums and only correspond with those at a distance, thinking no one would want to travel to meet me (yes, I was VERY new to this stuff).
I had also been praying that God would send me someone to spend the rest of my life with. If not, at least a very good friend.
When I met someone from another city who was willing to travel here, I eventually told my mother (leaving out the internet as our way of having met). To my great surprise, she told me that she had been praying for God to send me someone. That she did not want me to be left alone when she dies. Surprise is an understatement!
Anyway, once she found out how we met, suddenly, she accused me of having something wrong with me and that I needed to see a therapist. I should not be on the internet looking for someone.
She tamed down a bit when I met someone who was originally from here but now living across the country. She even encouraged me to fly out there to meet him and even paid for the trip.
Fast forward. I’ve met and gone out with 5 from the site in the last 2 and 1/2 years or so. They were all problematic (i.e. just plain wrong) except for the current one (so far).
Mom does not yet know about this current one. We had a blow up in February about all of this internet dating and stuff. So I haven’t yet told her about him. He is from out of state and is a widower with children. She would have a fit because she will think that he is only looking for a mother for his children.
Now after all this info, keeping in mind that I’ve been praying for a good Catholic spouse to spend the rest of my life with, and my mother had been praying for it as well…
Do you truly believe that God uses the internet to bring people together? I began corresponding with him in February 2007. This guy has been my sounding board through all of the other knuckleheads I had my heart broken over.
I’m seriously at a loss over all of it. I guess I’m looking for God to give me something carved in stone. I know the internet can bring evil. I know that it’s hard to truly get to know some one at such a distance. I also know that two people can be married for 30 years and not really know one another. I’ve seen people who have met locally and married and not know that their spouse is cheating on them, etc., etc.
Can I please get some kind of advice, encouragement, ANYTHING? No two priests will tell me the same…except that basically, God does not will our spouse to us. That we must seek if we want a good Catholic spouse.
Sorry so long! I just wanted to make sure that I could get as “educated” of a response as possible.
Thank you to those of you who read and respond!
