Going for Psychiatric Medication and Family

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Latinitas

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Hi everyone,

I suffer from rather severe OCD, although it doesn’t manifest itself much in external things (like checking if doors are locked, or arranging objects etc.), but it severely does in internal things (scrupulosity most notably), and at college I’ve been meeting with a good Catholic counsellor as well as having a good, pious orthodox spiritual director who comes to my college, and both suggested to me that I visit a psychiatrist to see if medication would help, which I did back in March, and he said that medication certainly could help. I’ve thought and prayed about it, and have come to realize that it would be very useful, I think to me, since it’s overwhelming at times. Furthermore, as many of you may know from some of my other posts, I want to marry, and I think it would be unfair to my spouse to put this burden on her and our possible children. Thankfully, I’ve come a long way, and I’m not mentally unstable - most people can’t tell I have it.

The problem is, however, that my mom and dad are very opposed to this medicine, and think it’ll cause an addiction and cause me to lose my mental faculties. I was learning to drive (I know it’s a little late at 19, but hey, I have to learn sometime), and they told me they wouldn’t allow me to that. Obviously being at home and under their roof, I feel somewhat compelled to resign myself to their wishes, but the problem is that just sitting at home is terrible for my mental health. I worked for my mom last summer but that was a mental health disaster, because my mom is a perfectionist to the max, and I’ve been counselled not to do that again. The problem is, without being able to drive, I can’t really get another job, because everyone else is so busy, and since the public transportation where I live (California) is so bad, driving is a necessity. My counsellor, who, as I said earlier is devoutly Catholic and very conservative on family issues, told me that it’s absurd that my parents don’t let me drive.

So I’m in a bit of a quandary. Thankfully, they are permitting me to take some medicine, but I’m wondering what should I say to my parents. Because of the effects of being idle at home, I do feel I should probably say something, but on the other hand, it’s probably futile, and it is their car, their money etc.

I want to emphasize that I do love my parents, and I do respect them, and I know their concerns don’t proceed from malice, even though it is wrong. The problem is, I’m not going to suffer for the rest of my life for the sake of their mistaken ideas.

Firstly, I ask you to offer prayers for me, especially on May 22, when my appointment is,
Secondly, does anybody have thoughts or advice? I’ll talk to a priest about it, obviously, and his advice will have more weight than any of these responses, but I would like your opinion.

Thanks,
Benedicat Deus,
Latintias
 
You are 19. You are an adult. If you feel your mental health would be better served by a path your parents don’t support, but which has been advised by a trusted spiritual director and qualified doctor, you can always launch an independent life in your own home. There needn’t be any love lost between you and your parents; moving out and supporting yourself is just a rite of passage in growing up. 🙂
 
alphawoman said:
You are 19. You are an adult. If you feel your mental health would be better served by a path your parents don’t support, but which has been advised by a trusted spiritual director and qualified doctor, you can always launch an independent life in your own home. There needn’t be any love lost between you and your parents; moving out and supporting yourself is just a rite of passage in growing up. 🙂
Click to expand...
I would love to live apart from home, but I really can’t. I can’t drive yet, and I’m still on their health insurance. Although I do have a job at college as a tutor, and I am rather independent of my parents spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, I’m not financially, and probably won’t be until after I graduate from college.

Also, unfortunately, I live in one of the most expensive areas in the country, so I can’t do that.

Thank you for the advice, though,
Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas
 
Could your parents see one or more of the people you are seeing to get better information? Maybe ask your Catholic counselor about how best to handle this idea or another suggestion he or she might have? Given your situation, that might be your best option.
 
Did they say why they wanted you to stop learning how to drive? For example, are they’re too busy to take you or worried about their car? Could you sign up for driving school?

I like the idea of asking whichever parent seems more receptive to meet with your counselor with you so that s/he can hear another reasonable adult frame the conversation in a way that makes sense to them.

Beyond that, how much longer until graduation? Is it possible to switch schools to somewhere easier to commute or where you might be able to afford your own place? Could you spend the summer living with a relative and working near him or her? Could you get an internship that offers housing? Your school might have resources that helps to place students.

If they’re worried about the side effects of the medicine, could you ask them to try it on a trial basis, maybe for two or three months, and then reevaluate together? What is their fear of addiction based on? Do they know other people who have become addicted to it?
 
Latinitas said:
Hi everyone,

I suffer from rather severe OCD, although it doesn’t manifest itself much in external things (like checking if doors are locked, or arranging objects etc.), but it severely does in internal things (scrupulosity most notably), and at college I’ve been meeting with a good Catholic counsellor as well as having a good, pious orthodox spiritual director who comes to my college, and both suggested to me that I visit a psychiatrist to see if medication would help, which I did back in March, and he said that medication certainly could help. I’ve thought and prayed about it, and have come to realize that it would be very useful, I think to me, since it’s overwhelming at times. Furthermore, as many of you may know from some of my other posts, I want to marry, and I think it would be unfair to my spouse to put this burden on her and our possible children. Thankfully, I’ve come a long way, and I’m not mentally unstable - most people can’t tell I have it.

The problem is, however, that my mom and dad are very opposed to this medicine, and think it’ll cause an addiction and cause me to lose my mental faculties. I was learning to drive (I know it’s a little late at 19, but hey, I have to learn sometime), and they told me they wouldn’t allow me to that. Obviously being at home and under their roof, I feel somewhat compelled to resign myself to their wishes, but the problem is that just sitting at home is terrible for my mental health. I worked for my mom last summer but that was a mental health disaster, because my mom is a perfectionist to the max, and I’ve been counselled not to do that again. The problem is, without being able to drive, I can’t really get another job, because everyone else is so busy, and since the public transportation where I live (California) is so bad, driving is a necessity. My counsellor, who, as I said earlier is devoutly Catholic and very conservative on family issues, told me that it’s absurd that my parents don’t let me drive.

So I’m in a bit of a quandary. Thankfully, they are permitting me to take some medicine, but I’m wondering what should I say to my parents. Because of the effects of being idle at home, I do feel I should probably say something, but on the other hand, it’s probably futile, and it is their car, their money etc.

I want to emphasize that I do love my parents, and I do respect them, and I know their concerns don’t proceed from malice, even though it is wrong. The problem is, I’m not going to suffer for the rest of my life for the sake of their mistaken ideas.

Firstly, I ask you to offer prayers for me, especially on May 22, when my appointment is,
Secondly, does anybody have thoughts or advice? I’ll talk to a priest about it, obviously, and his advice will have more weight than any of these responses, but I would like your opinion.

Thanks,
Benedicat Deus,
Latintias
Click to expand...
This is not intended as specific medical advice; rather as a general guide to principles. Please consult your care provider for specific recommendations.

I suspect your parents are probably under the belief that your provider will probably recommend Valium or Ativan - which used to be the common drugs used for anxiety. These do, indeed, have addictive potential. However, they aren’t commonly used anymore for OCD. Usually they are only used on a short-term basis for things like anxiety attacks and/or panic disorder, and only as needed. Most commonly, antidepressants, especially serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs; think Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Celexa, and Luvox) are used to treat anxiety disorders. They work very well and do not have the addictive potential of traditional anxiolytics, though you do often need higher doses than you do for depression.

I, too, suffer from an anxiety disorder (generalized anxiety disorder; GAD). I take an SSRI to help - and it works VERY well. You might see if your care provider is willing to prescribe one for you, and you can sit down and explain this to your parents if your provider says it’s an option. This may help to alleviate a lot of their fears.
 
I second the recommendations that if you, your physician, and your counselor believe that you would benefit from medication, then you have the right to do that. You are an adult. (Alternatively, it might be worthwhile to look into therapy/treatment that doesn’t involve medication, but of course that’s up to you and your doctor.)

You absolutely should learn how to drive, and do so as soon as possible. What is the reason that your parents don’t want their 19-year-old son driving? Talk to them again, and make it happen one way or the other. I think you need to establish some independence, even if it takes a year or two before you can move out of your parents’ house. Step one would be to get your driver’s license, and step two would be to get a job, even if it’s just part-time, and start saving up some money.

Can you move into the dorms at your college?
 
Thanks for all the recommendations. However, I probably should have made this clearer: I’m at home now, but my counsellor and spiritual director are at college on the other side of the country.

Also, my parents know they recommended it, and are very angry at them (particularly my mom). So, having them talk to my counsellor might not be the best idea. Nevertheless, it may be useful. My mom went with me to the psychiatrist the first time, and she just couldn’t handle hearing that medcine might be helpful, so I’m having my dad, who’s a bit more composed about it, go with me.

I wish I could get a job, but without being able to drive, it’s difficult to get a job that I can get to reliably.

Thanks,
Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas
 
nodito said:
Did they say why they wanted you to stop learning how to drive? For example, are they’re too busy to take you or worried about their car? Could you sign up for driving school?
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They think it’ll cause me to become unstable, or something.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas
 
Latinitas said:
They think it’ll cause me to become unstable, or something.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas
Click to expand...
??? I don’t understand that at all. Do they not want you ever to become an independent adult? You will be dependent on them as long as you cannot drive and cannot financially support yourself. Or is that what they want? I am somewhat confused.

I would make learning to drive and getting a license a top priority right now, if I were you. If you can establish even a measure of independence, you will be better off–perhaps even your mental health/OCD issues would improve if you can put a little healthy space between you and your parents.
 
Latinitas said:
Hi everyone,

I suffer from rather severe OCD, although it doesn’t manifest itself much in external things (like checking if doors are locked, or arranging objects etc.), but it severely does in internal things (scrupulosity most notably), and at college I’ve been meeting with a good Catholic counsellor as well as having a good, pious orthodox spiritual director who comes to my college, and both suggested to me that I visit a psychiatrist to see if medication would help, which I did back in March, and he said that medication certainly could help. I’ve thought and prayed about it, and have come to realize that it would be very useful, I think to me, since it’s overwhelming at times. Furthermore, as many of you may know from some of my other posts, I want to marry, and I think it would be unfair to my spouse to put this burden on her and our possible children. Thankfully, I’ve come a long way, and I’m not mentally unstable - most people can’t tell I have it.

The problem is, however, that my mom and dad are very opposed to this medicine, and think it’ll cause an addiction and cause me to lose my mental faculties. I was learning to drive (I know it’s a little late at 19, but hey, I have to learn sometime), and they told me they wouldn’t allow me to that. Obviously being at home and under their roof, I feel somewhat compelled to resign myself to their wishes, but the problem is that just sitting at home is terrible for my mental health. I worked for my mom last summer but that was a mental health disaster, because my mom is a perfectionist to the max, and I’ve been counselled not to do that again. The problem is, without being able to drive, I can’t really get another job, because everyone else is so busy, and since the public transportation where I live (California) is so bad, driving is a necessity. My counsellor, who, as I said earlier is devoutly Catholic and very conservative on family issues, told me that it’s absurd that my parents don’t let me drive.

So I’m in a bit of a quandary. Thankfully, they are permitting me to take some medicine, but I’m wondering what should I say to my parents. Because of the effects of being idle at home, I do feel I should probably say something, but on the other hand, it’s probably futile, and it is their car, their money etc.

I want to emphasize that I do love my parents, and I do respect them, and I know their concerns don’t proceed from malice, even though it is wrong. The problem is, I’m not going to suffer for the rest of my life for the sake of their mistaken ideas.

Firstly, I ask you to offer prayers for me, especially on May 22, when my appointment is,
Secondly, does anybody have thoughts or advice? I’ll talk to a priest about it, obviously, and his advice will have more weight than any of these responses, but I would like your opinion.

Thanks,
Benedicat Deus,
Latintias
Click to expand...
First, your doctor can give you the best medical advice. Perhaps he can help you explain what is very hard for some people to understand. I’ve been in treatment for mental heath problems for a long time. I do not like taking medicine but I do need it. Yes, there is an adjustment period, but your parents will likely take comfort if they meet or talk to your doctor and counselor. Depending on the type of medication, they can explain if it is addictive or not. And they can help you and your parents regarding your ability to drive while taking it.

God bless you and your family,

Ed
 
Latinitas said:
Thanks for all the recommendations. However, I probably should have made this clearer: I’m at home now, but my counsellor and spiritual director are at college on the other side of the country.
Thanks,
Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas
Click to expand...
Okay, so you go to school across the country from your parents and only live with them during the summer? Would it be possible to work at your college this summer? A lot of schools host tours for prospective students or run summer camps and need people to work in the dining halls or in various other places on campus. Can you learn to drive during the school year?

It seems to me that if, as an adult, you and your doctor feel that this medication is necessary, then you should work first to make yourself as independent from your parents as possible so you can afford to buy health insurance, medication, car insurance, an apartment, etc. In other words, if you cannot convince your parents to pay for this, you may need to take steps to move out on your own.
 
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