Going to a Catholic funeral as a non-catholic

[lbr102]

My mother was Catholic, my father Protestant. They chose to let myself and siblings choose with regards to our religion.

I have not been baptized or anything like that ad know that I am therefore unable to take communion. I am going to a Catholic funeral in 2 days. Is it best to stay seated or go up to get a blessing at the time of communion? What is considered best as I don’t wish to offend? Also if I go up for blessing, what do I do?

I get the impression that this is going to be a very traditional funeral and I am considered part of the family (partner of one of the grandchildren). Is there anything else I should be aware of/any way I should act?

Much thanks

 

[NPC]

As far as I can tell, most priests are happy to give a blessing to those who may not be able to receive Holy Communion. Normally to indicate to the priest that one wishes to receive a blessing they cross their arms on their chest. However, if you are more comfortable to remain at your seat during Communion that’s fine. If there are several non-Catholics at the funeral, and the priest knows this, he may very well invite them to come and receive a blessing since they cannot receive Holy Communion.

 

[EasterJoy]

You also need not worry that people will make assumptions about you because you don’t receive Holy Communion. A Catholic in good standing who has already received at an earlier Mass might elect not to receive. Someone who has not observed the required fast beforehand would not receive, either. Not that this matters: It is expected that there will be non-Catholics at Catholic funerals. The truth is, with the rates of intermarriage, ther are non-Catholics at many other Masses, too. When those who are known to be non-Catholics don’t receive, it is generally regarded as a great sign of respect and understanding for our beliefs! Thank you!

If you have a seat on or near the aisle, it is polite to move out of the pew with everyone who is going. When you reach the aisle, step one step behind the entrance to the pew, so they can easily get past you and into line. (If there is an usher “directing traffic”, he would accomodate your doing this.) Anyone in the same boat as you, but farther from the aisle and yet blocking a communicant, often will also come out, just backing you up by a step, standing in front of you and behind the entrance to the pew, so everyone could get out easily. This way, once everyone in your pew who is receiving is in line, those not receiving easily return in the right order to their places in the pew. If you’re on the other end of the pew, you would do the same thing as the communicants return. This isn’t a huge deal, but it keeps people from having to crawl over you or squeeze past you as they leave or return to their places.

This is easily solved if you have lots of relatives or friends attending the same Mass who also aren’t going to recieve: sit together in the same pew, and just remain seated when the line comes to you. Or feel free to come forward, crossing your arms for a blessing when you get to the front of the line. No one will bat an eye.

 

[FrDavid96]

My mother was Catholic, my father Protestant. They chose to let myself and siblings choose with regards to our religion.

I have not been baptized or anything like that ad know that I am therefore unable to take communion. I am going to a Catholic funeral in 2 days. Is it best to stay seated or go up to get a blessing at the time of communion? What is considered best as I don’t wish to offend? Also if I go up for blessing, what do I do?

I get the impression that this is going to be a very traditional funeral and I am considered part of the family (partner of one of the grandchildren). Is there anything else I should be aware of/any way I should act?

Much thanks

First of all, follow everybody else in the sitting and standing parts. That’s what people usually worry most about, but if you simply “look and listen” it’ll be pretty obvious what to do. Hint: sitting behind someone whom you know to be Catholic makes this much easier. Since it seems like you’ll be sitting with the family, just stay aware of what the people next to you are doing and do what they do.

If the parish has missalettes (the small paperback books) follow along as much as you’re able. If you’re not familiar with the Mass, this might be more of a distraction than anything. If you are somewhat familiar, but just don’t “remember the words” they could help. If you’re seated next to a Catholic, ask that person to hold the missalette open for you, and you can follow along. This can be done very discreetly, and chances are, no one will notice, and those who are close enough to notice already know you’re not Catholic, so it won’t make a difference.

If you are realy not sure what to say, the best thing to do is not to try to say anything. There’s nothing wrong with simply being silent and experiencing the Mass. Let the Mass itself “speak to you.” Worship aids can be helpful, but if you don’t know how to follow them, they will just be a distraction.

As for your question about going up for a blessing at Communion, the short answer is: No. This is not a part of the Mass and only causes confusion. Best thing to do is stay in the pew. There are a lot of reasons for not receiving Communion. Not being Catholic is simply one of those many reasons. It’s not up to anyone else to question why you aren’t going up in the line.

 

[Aramis]

My mother was Catholic, my father Protestant. They chose to let myself and siblings choose with regards to our religion.

I have not been baptized or anything like that ad know that I am therefore unable to take communion. I am going to a Catholic funeral in 2 days. Is it best to stay seated or go up to get a blessing at the time of communion? What is considered best as I don’t wish to offend? Also if I go up for blessing, what do I do?

I get the impression that this is going to be a very traditional funeral and I am considered part of the family (partner of one of the grandchildren). Is there anything else I should be aware of/any way I should act?

Much thanks

The rubrics in the Sacramentaries I’ve seen all specify that the Faithful who are to receive come forward.

It’s not appropriate to come forward unless you are Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Oriental Orthodox, or Assyrian Church of the East, AND intend to receive, AND are suitably disposed to receive.

In general, outside the communion issue, it would be appropriate to use the same postures as indicated in the pewbook, directed by the MC or Celebrant, or listed in the specific program. If you can’t kneel, sit instead; if you can’t stand, sit instead.

Do not echo the priest’s words if you read along in the missal or missalette; read them silently only.

If you are comfortable doing so, joining in the public prayers is most appropriate.

 

[Pax_Vobiscum_57]

As for your question about going up for a blessing at Communion, the short answer is: No. This is not a part of the Mass and only causes confusion. Best thing to do is stay in the pew. There are a lot of reasons for not receiving Communion. Not being Catholic is simply one of those many reasons. It’s not up to anyone else to question why you aren’t going up in the line.

I agree. But the priest will probably remind the congregation that anyone present who is not Catholic should not approach the altar.

 

[ChristIsLord]

DON’T go recieve Holy Communion, any Catholic funeral Mass I’ve ever been to it seems EVERYONE goes up and recieves, even people I know aren’t Catholics. Even if everyone else goes up you should stay seated. Last one I went to I was the only person that I took notice of not recieving and I’m a Catholic, just one who hadn’t been to confession in a while.