Good advice from a deep sinner

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There could easily be another forum category entitled “Catholic Dating,” and not just a thread. And if there was, this thread could be the “flag-thread.”

The “deep sinner” I’m talking about is my brother. Like me, he grew up in a traditional Catholic household, though it wasn’t at all strict. But, when I was away at Franciscan University, (basically losing my faith–but that’s another thread), my family moved to Montana. That’s where my brother hooked up with some pretty rough kids. Drugs, booze, sex as casual as Monday night football–everything. I was too far away and too clueless to believe my baby brother was getting messed up in things like that.

I mention this because while my brother has done some things he’ll probably want to keep from his children, he’s still one of the wisest guys I know. Even when mired in the pit of it all, he didn’t make excuses–at least not to anyone else. He called a sin a sin and knew that most of the things he was doing were gravely wrong. When I got some of the details, I let it go because I knew, as proud as he was, he’d come around.

He’s now come around. Now, the only place he “cruises” for chicks is Church. And tonight, he gave me an invaluable bit of advice.

I told him about the ever-developing situation with my non-Catholic girlfriend, and how I’ve had to swallow a lot of pride to deal with a certain situation. His advice was to “drop her like a sack of potatos.” He was very clear about this–he’d waited for his wife to change, told himself a lot of nonsense, and eventually she basically went insane, nearly dragging him down too. Ultimately, the marriage was annulled, and for good reasons.

I told him my situation was “complicated,” but when my girlfriend joked five minutes later about a certain intimate moment she’d shared with the musician on stage at that moment, I knew he was right. If you’re a faithful Catholic, there can be no compromises. There are no “complicated” situations between Catholics and non-Catholics who don’t share certain core beliefs.

My advice to anyone dating a non-Catholic: drop 'em. Trust me, buds, it ain’t worth it.
 
I’m really gald my wife did not read you posting when we were dating… It took me 7 years of marriage before I converted.
 
Lol. Yeah, well, advice is meant to be ignored, right? It’s mainly only useful in hindsight for things like memoirs.

Now I’m dating a nice Protestant girl who thinks the Earth was created 6000 years ago. Man, I can pick 'em. 👍 😉
 
When I was dating my husband (we have been divorced since 1990,) I was from a nominally Protestant background, and his family were Catholic. I spent time at his house with his family, and on Saturday evenings, our weekend of fun and dating always began with Mass. I began to fall in love with the Church and I wanted to be a part of it. I assumed my husband was a practicing Catholic, like his mother and siblings, since we all went to Mass together frequently. We were married in my mother’s Presbyterian church, by the Catholic Priest of his family’s church, and I began RCIA that fall. I joined the Church during the next Easter vigil.

As time went on, I began to realize my husband wasn’t really Catholic after all. Yes, he’d been through confirmation during his early high school years. But after his family moved back to their home state, getting him to attend Mass was nearly impossible. He confessed to me that he didn’t really know if he believed in God, and that he considered himself more of an agnostic. There were many other things going wrong in our marriage too. He had wild friends and was partying a lot. Things were out of hand.

Two years later, our child was expected. Things were so bad that we decided to divorce two months after he was born.

The good thing was, we got our son from the relationship, and I also became Catholic. My son is enrolled in RCIA for this fall at our parish. I still love his father very much, and we have a good friendship (and he has matured and become a very stable, settled person – but he’s still agnostic. He says it would take a big miracle to convince him to believe.)

Anyway, the point of my longwinded story is, this is sort of the reverse of what we’re talking about in this topic! 😉 I wasn’t even a full fledged member of any church, and I married who I believed was a good, Catholic boy-- and he turned out not to have faith, and I gained my faith. Funny how things turn out.
 
After I converted, I still felt like the Church was just something we (Catholics) did one hour a week. Then I met a Catholic based group called Couples for Christ (CFC) and Singles for Christ (SFC). WOW. These people were not like the typical Catholics. They sang and had fun. They taught me how to have a personal relationship with Christ. They did not care about my past or where I came from, they were concerned for where I was and where I was going. My wife and I joined the CFC and I found myself actually enjoying the mass. The personal relationship made the mass come alive. The Mass did not change I did.

Montanaman, Couples for Christ (CFC) and Singles for Christ (SFC) is big in the D.C. area. They are more than a ministry, they are a family of believers.

They are all over the US w.couplesforchrist.us

God Bless,

Davis Gray
CFC-SFC Chicago
davishgray@aol.com
 
dhgray,

Yeah, I was going to go last week, but a political/media deal came up. I would rather have gone to CFC, but something the “overload” lights were flashing, and I thought it best to hang back for a bit. I might go to tomorrow’s deal, though. I want to, but, you know, I must try to preserve my sanity…
 
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