Good books on courtship and discerning for marriage?

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invisiblewitnes

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Hi,

I am trying to discern whether God wants me to marry or remain single. Do you know of any books on courtship and discerning for marriage? Any prayers are welcome as well.

Thank you and God bless you. Amen.
 
God often speaks to us through our desires. What do you want? Can you think of some reason why you think that you might be called to the single life? Most are called to marriage.

There is a good book, well, I should say, a book since I know little about it, I had at one point thought of buying called, The ABC’s of Choosing a Good Wife, and it is available here:

shop.catholic.com/the-abc-s-of-choosing-a-good-wife.html

Need to discern anything?? I always recommend time spent in Eucharistic Adoration. It is always time well spent I believe.
 
I have to say I don’t think any books will help with this. I do think the best person to marry, if you meet someone, is that person who is first and foremost your friend. Marriage is a lifetime commitment of hard work, give and take, ups and downs. Only a genuine friend can handle that. Pay less attention to the “chemistry” and more attention to the quality of the person. Is your potential spouse reliable, honest, sincere, trustworthy, hard working, patient, calm, faithful?

Don’t let “love” be the thing that leads you to blindness that results in missing signs of abusive behavior, drug and alcohol problems, lying, stealing, anti-social behavior. Pay attention to the spirit and soul of the people you meet, not outward appearances.
 
My .02 cents.

Most people today use the words “courting” and “dating” interchangeably.

Courting involves the parents and family of both parties.

Dating does not.

Quite simply, if you were to ask for the blessing of the parents of a young lady you are interested in–before you began your pursuit-- they (including her) would look at you like you had three heads. This is unfortunate.

Here is a resource.

courtshippledge.com/
 
Dating begins casually. Trust is earned, friendship blossoms, and if there is compatibility, and a shared desire to marry, then formal courtship begins. If all goes well, marriage is discussed. The moment a man begins courting, he meets the young lady’s parents and she meets his. They also become friends. Families beget families. If a young man intends to marry, he goes to her father and asks for his blessing. Now the father, being his age at one time, gets it. He understands and will ask all the practical questions: How will you support yourselves? Where will you live? Do you have reliable transportation? Have you talked about children?

The last thing he wants is for his daughter to marry a drunk, a hot head with a bad temper, a drug user or a lazy bum.

Peace,
Ed
 
edwest2 said:
Dating begins casually. Trust is earned, friendship blossoms, and if there is compatibility, and a shared desire to marry, then formal courtship begins. If all goes well, marriage is discussed. The moment a man begins courting, he meets the young lady’s parents and she meets his. They also become friends. Families beget families. If a young man intends to marry, he goes to her father and asks for his blessing. Now the father, being his age at one time, gets it. He understands and will ask all the practical questions: How will you support yourselves? Where will you live? Do you have reliable transportation? Have you talked about children?

The last thing he wants is for his daughter to marry a drunk, a hot head with a bad temper, a drug user or a lazy bum.

Peace,
Ed
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I like your style Ed. Although what you call “dating” I would probably call “friends who are discerning.” Any more that 2 “dates” (as defined as spending significant time alone) should be a sign that it is time to talk to the parents (or for older folks, wise, older married couples who can be a surrogate).

Mostly semantics though.
 
Somewhere in the discernment must come the understanding that love is an action, not a feeling. For it is only when love as an action is constantly chosen on a daily basis that marriage can last a lifetime. For there are guaranteed to be days, sometimes weeks or maybe even months when the feeling isn’t there, when the only thing that keeps the marriage together is the commitment to choose to stay together on the part of both spouses.

It’s been said elsewhere: marriage should be the context from which romance springs. Too often instead in our society, romance is the context in which marriage is placed. But romance is based on feelings and feelings don’t always last, but the commitment to love as action has a better chance of success than mere feeling.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
It’s been said elsewhere: marriage should be the context from which romance springs. Too often instead in our society, romance is the context in which marriage is placed. But romance is based on feelings and feelings don’t always last, but the commitment to love as action has a better chance of success than mere feeling.
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You hit a home run there.

To put it another way–marriage the moral place for people to pursue romantic love. However, today we have marriage as a place to validate and legitimize already consummated (even with most Catholics and Christians) romantic love.

It’s where the cynical phrase “make an honest woman out of her” comes from.

Let’s face it–you can probably name 5 Catholic couples in your church that are doing this right now. Everyone just turns their heads the other way because it is too uncomfortable to confront.

It is the primary cause (not the only) of the exploding divorce rate. Once the romance goes away, the marriage is no longer valid! So why not divorce and find your “true” love?

This HAS to change or marriage is doomed.
 
How to find your soulmate without losing your soul by Jason Evert
I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris
 
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