graduate school

[journey137]

I don’t know many people other than my professors that have completed grad school, and the profs are a little biased for this question. This paragraph is background and the next is the actual question for those that want to skip the long part… sorry for the length by the way. I’m getting married this December and then I’m getting my masters. The dilema is whether I should get a degree with or without thesis. Since I don’t plan on using my degree – I want to be a stay at home mom and frankly a masters in applied and environmental biology wouldn’t be much help with that – so getting out asap is important. I want to avoid getting pregnant until my last semester of school because some of the procedures I do and chemicals I come into contact with can be dangerous to say nothing of the sleep deprivation and other unhealthy habits grad students have. My fiance is afraid if we start our marriage avoiding we’ll never stop avoiding until it’s too late to have kids. That is not a concern of mine because I don’t want to have a career. I want to be a stay at home mom if it’s possible. The reason I’m getting this degree is a fallback plan and also because it’s expected of me. I told my family I’d do it so frankly I’m stuck.

Now for the actual question – a nonthesis would take me only two semesters at 11 hours for each semester to finish (I’ve had some dual credit courses already) but I would have to pay for it out of my pocket. I could afford it without too much of a problem. A thesis would take me on average four semesters because of the research and most of it would be paid for. Is the speed worth the cost? I’m beginning to think it is because honestly I just want to get this finished and be able to start my life the way I want it. I’m sick of this pseudo-adolescence that is known as college life.

 

[AmberDale]

I have to answer on the masters or PHD things but…

You don’t have to avoid… Use Natural Family Planning. Seriously it work better than Birth Control and it’s approved by the Church. Take some classes on that. Then your fiancee wouldn’t have to worry about never meeting his wife in bed (he should take the classes to)

 

[journey137]

I have to answer on the masters or PHD things but…

You don’t have to avoid… Use Natural Family Planning. Seriously it work better than Birth Control and it’s approved by the Church. Take some classes on that. Then your fiancee wouldn’t have to worry about never meeting his wife in bed (he should take the classes to)

Sorry for the misunderstanding, but that is what I meant when I said avoid. We will be taking a class sometime before the wedding hopefully, but we would be using NFP to avoid pregnancy at first until I’m out of school or almost out of school at least.

 

[AmberDale]

Awesome!

 

[sarita]

I chose the non-thesis option for my degree. I had to take two, six hour long essay exams instead. If you don’t plan on going on for your Ph.D. the non-thesis is a good option. If you plan on going on for a Ph.D you want to do a thesis.

I chose the non-thesis option mostly because I was completely burned out and couldn’t come up with a thesis topic

 

[OldAgeGuru]

I’m getting my second Masters now, in all honesty, I’ve always done the thesis, I don’t mind writing the papers. I find it to be less all consuming as studying for the exams since I can spread it out. Could you maybe do something along the lines of postponing the thesis course for a year, so your paying for that class only and you can work on it while you are at home? I understand that when you have a baby, it’s a lot of work, but, everyone who I know who has had a child says you sleep when the baby sleeps, but when it gets up at 4 AM to be fed, and then needs to get changed 40 minutes later you don’t bother, so there is some downtime, You could dedicate that time and an hour or two in the evening for 3 months to get the thesis.

 

[1ke]

I have an MBA so I didn’t have a thesis, no help there.

First, I think you need to re-evaluate the idea that you “have” to ge a Masters because your family expects it. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to make your own decisions about your life. Priorities and plans change. As a married woman, your obligation is to your husband not your parents and their expectations.

If you honestly can’t stand up and say, “I’ve changed my mind” to your parents, I have to question if you are at a point where you should consider getting married.

Secondly, a graduate degree in a technical field will quickly become obsolete. Is this something that would be a prerequisite to a certain type of job? If not-- then perhaps consider a more general type of graduate degree that could get you a job in business if you had to “fall back” on something. A bachelor’s is certainly sufficient in most cases.

I just question the time, expense, and stress of getting a degree you don’t intend to use simply because of family expectations. Seems sort of short-sighted to me.

 

[journey137]

If you honestly can’t stand up and say, “I’ve changed my mind” to your parents, I have to question if you are at a point where you should consider getting married.

Thanks for the frankness here. I appreciate it. The reason I can’t say I’ve changed my mind is because I promised my mother that I would do this and since she’s dead I feel I can’t go back on that promise. The total cost would be about $10,000 for the non-thesis not including living expenses and while that’s a pretty expensive promise to keep, she’s not exactly around to say it’s ok that I break it. Honestly, I could care less for what my father thinks about it (especially after last night’s conversation, but that’s another story… ).

I think of the degree as a fall back option because if I need to get a job, I’d probably go to the conservation department or ag department or teach and those places usually prefer a masters than a bachelors. I could be wrong, but with those places, I wouldn’t think the technical side of the degree being outdated would matter very much. With research it would, and while I enjoy research, it’s just not possible with a family because it’s too time consuming.

OldAgeGuru - If I don’t go straight through I don’t think I’ll finish so I’d rather just go all in and do it at once.

I am not sure if this is relevant, but when I graduate in December that will be a semester early. If I do the nonthesis, I will be getting my bachelors and masters both in 4.5 years.

 

[ack]

I’m in grad school studying towards a technical degree. What I can tell you is that graduate school is hard, hard work. If you aren’t passionate about your subject, and if spending every spare minute studying doesn’t appeal to you, then a technical grad program could quickly become a nightmare.

Starting grad school could put a lot of strain on a new marriage. I would reconsider. Even if you promised your mom that you would go.

Thanks for the frankness here. I appreciate it. The reason I can’t say I’ve changed my mind is because I promised my mother that I would do this and since she’s dead I feel I can’t go back on that promise. The total cost would be about $10,000 for the non-thesis not including living expenses and while that’s a pretty expensive promise to keep, she’s not exactly around to say it’s ok that I break it. Honestly, I could care less for what my father thinks about it (especially after last night’s conversation, but that’s another story… ).

I think of the degree as a fall back option because if I need to get a job, I’d probably go to the conservation department or ag department or teach and those places usually prefer a masters than a bachelors. I could be wrong, but with those places, I wouldn’t think the technical side of the degree being outdated would matter very much. With research it would, and while I enjoy research, it’s just not possible with a family because it’s too time consuming.

OldAgeGuru - If I don’t go straight through I don’t think I’ll finish so I’d rather just go all in and do it at once.

I am not sure if this is relevant, but when I graduate in December that will be a semester early. If I do the nonthesis, I will be getting my bachelors and masters both in 4.5 years.

 

[JWC]

A big point to consider is what are you going to use the degree for? If you’re planning to stay at home for a while then maybe go back to something like teaching later on (I think you had mentioned that as a possibility in a previous post), the nonthesis option would probably work just fine–assuming you’re thinking secondary/community college level. Actually for community college a masters is probably required, at least for a full time job.

 

[1ke]

Thanks for the frankness here. I appreciate it. The reason I can’t say I’ve changed my mind is because I promised my mother that I would do this and since she’s dead I feel I can’t go back on that promise.

I think your mom would rather you be happy than agonize over an old promise you made to her. Actually, if a parent did think they could or should hold you to such a “promise” they are not really being very loving parents. Making children promise things that fulfill the parents agenda is about THEM, not YOU. Please realize this before you spend an awful lot of time & money on something you really don’t seem that intested in doing.

Things change, parents know that. I don’t believe that your mother would hold you to the promise if she knew it was causing such turmoil for you.

And, she’s hopefully in Heaven now, experiencing the Beatific Vision-- and she no longer is concerned about whether or not you go to graduate school.

Honestly, and this is just my opinion, I think you are using the promise as an excuse-- because really when it comes down to it you know this is not something you have to do.

So, my question is do you WANT to do this? Since you have reiterated over and over that you have no desire to work in that field and only a desire to be a stay at home mom… my recommendation is, stick with your bachelors and cross the “fall back” bridge if and when you come to it (it’s a pretty remote possibility you would have to do that anyway).

 

[jc-servant]

I will tell you the same thing that I tell people who have similar reasons for going to law school. Don’t waste your money and time for a degree in a field that you are not passionate about and really desiring as a career.

A woman can get a law degree, pass at least one bar exam and then take a considerable amount of time off for raising children if she does not want to make partner in some large private firm. They only need to take their license to inactive status or take their yearly continuing education and pay their bar dues in the interim years. I know people who have done this while working as attorneys for the government. However, if they were not passionate about the law to begin with I would not advise a woman to get the degree simply to have a fall back position.

You may want to invest the funds for the advanced degree and work at something that interests you until you get pregnant. At least you would have something on your resume after college even if you stop working for 10 years. Lots of women work part-time or flexible schedules after their youngest heads off to school. If you save the money and wait to get the degree, then you may have a more passionate interest to pursue by the time your kids are all in school and you have the extra time during the day.

 

[OldAgeGuru]

And, she’s hopefully in Heaven now, experiencing the Beatific Vision-- and she no longer is concerned about whether or not you go to graduate school.

If my mother died, looked down on me not finishing my masters she’d storm the gates, kick St. Peter to the ground and haunt me. She’s just really hard core about education.

 

[sarita]

I second (third, fourth? I lost count) all those who say if you’re not passionate about the degree don’t do it. I wasn’t passionate about my master’s; I couldn’t find a job after undergrad and got an assistantship for my master’s. I hated just about every minute of it too. I tested out, but used all my independent reading credits the school would allow to prep for my exams. My degree is in sociology, so I don’t know how it would work with a technical degree.

I’m not married, so I’m working right now, but not using my degree at all. I’m now doing what I should have done after undergrad–law school. It’s hard working full time and taking law at night, but it’s worth it to me so I keep pushing myself.

These are all things that need to be considered before getting the higher degree. I did my master’s in a calendar year and I would not wish the life I lived on my worst enemy–sleeping two hours a night, hundreds of pages of reading every day…

 

[journey137]

Hmm, to all of you that have said don’t do it at all, I’ve never really considered that an option. I’ve always thought I’d get my bachelors then masters and be done. I never thought I wouldn’t, but now I’m definately going to be considering that option. I love school, I love learning, and I very much enjoy the biology field. I’m a biology senior and there’s only been one biology class I have not enjoyed and that’s because of the prof. The only reason I’m not going to do research in this field is because you can’t do that and have a family. I’ve got a research job now and the hours on my one little project are crazy and just not doable with a family.

Yes, my mom would want me to finish the masters degree. She didn’t like or trust my then boyfriend and she would want me to be able to take care of myself for when he either leaves or refuses take care of me.

For those of you thinking it will be insanely hard to finish in a year, it won’t be. I will graduate with my bachelors in 3.5 years. I’d have to take 11 hours each for two additional semesters and that’s it. I’ve already taken some graduate credit classes while an undergrad so really, by the time I graduate, my masters will be 1/3 of the way done.

 

[THutch04]

I’d agree that if you don’t really love what you’re doing, I would advise not going for the Master’s, especially if what you really want to do does not involve your degree. That’s a lot of time and money if you aren’t passionate about it, then I think you need to really consider if that’s truly money well spent.

 

[ack]

I don’t know about your program, but in my program, 11 hours of high-level grad classes in one semester would be a nightmare. I’m only taking 6 hours and I have my hands full. In my program, grad classes are much more work than undergrad classes.

I’d have to take 11 hours each for two additional semesters and that’s it. I’ve already taken some graduate credit classes while an undergrad so really, by the time I graduate, my masters will be 1/3 of the way done.

 

[journey137]

I don’t know about your program, but in my program, 11 hours of high-level grad classes in one semester would be a nightmare. I’m only taking 6 hours and I have my hands full. In my program, grad classes are much more work than undergrad classes.

My department is so small they combine the undergrad and grad classes so they are taught together. The only difference is for the grad credit you have to do a little extra. Depending on the instructor, it’s usually a couple grant proposals or a semester research paper and class presentation. Other than that, they are identical to the undergrad classes. In some of the classes there is no extra work, but your exams get graded harder than the undergrads.

 

[rwoehmke]

First, I think you need to re-evaluate the idea that you “have” to ge a Masters because your family expects it. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to make your own decisions about your life. Priorities and plans change.

If you honestly can’t stand up and say, “I’ve changed my mind” to your parents, I have to question if you are at a point where you should consider getting married.

Secondly, a graduate degree in a technical field will quickly become obsolete.
I just question the time, expense, and stress of getting a degree you don’t intend to use simply because of family expectations. Seems sort of short-sighted to me.

1 ke makes a lot of sense. I married my wife mid way through my first year in graduate school. I was a teaching assistant the first year and a research assistant after that. My wife had a BS in Chemistry when we married. I was making $1800 a year the first year and got up to $2200 in the 4th year after which I graduated with my Ph.D. in Chemistry. We had our first child half way through my second year and the second child six months before I graduated.

My wife was a stay at home mom from the get go. We lived in subsidized student housing and had only used and hand me down furniture. Once a month we ate out a a local drug store that had a small T-bone meal at a low low price. Otherwise we tried to buy everything we ate on sale. It was not easy but it can be done. When my wife’s grandmother died we borrowed train fare from my Dad for her to go home.

Over the years we had six kids, 2 boys, a girl, and three more boys. When the youngest was six my wife went to work. She got a job as a lab technician (Yes technology had left her behind.). She didn’t like lab work and quit after six month’s to take a job with the IRS answering questions over the phone, she eventually became an auditor for IRS and retired the year before I retired. She much preferred not working in the field of her original degree. You see after spending all that time as a stay at home Mom she had become a different person.

I think having a degree as a basic start is important, but people learn and change over time;even stay at home Moms. One blessing of her going back to work was that we could help all six kids get through college or university. We have a State IT Manager, a Policeman with a degree in accounting, a daughter with a dual major in business and German in customer service, a Lawyer, a District Executive for Boy Scouts, and a son who is an executive accountant living in England. We didn’t get new furniture in our living room till after they all graduated. We were busy getting bedroom furniture and adding on to the house (work which I and the older boys handled while my wife did painting and finishing.)

My wife is now 68 and I am 71 with a trunk load of fond memories and a sense of accomplishment. We were also able to be active all those years in our Church, in Scouts, and in other Community Service. So far we have seven grandchildren and one on the way, but those are just for fun and not our responsibility This was a long way of telling you to get a basic degree in something, keep your mind active while being a stay at home Mom while knowing you can leave the world a little bit better for having lived. I would even consider not monkeying around with that Masters till after your kids are grown. You might have a complete change of mind in the field you want to study .