Grandma believes in Santa, but we don't

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lotusblossom

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Okay, now that I’ve seen several Advent/Christmas threads started, I am curious about something…

I was raised not believing in Santa and my husband was raised believing in him. We had St. Nicholas and many other great things and NEVER ruined this belief for other children. I was happy being raised this way and when I presented it to my husband, before we got married, he was all for it (and still is). Now, my problem is his mom is adamant about believing in Santa. We haven’t told her we’re planning to raise our kids without this belief, but she’s stubborn and my husband told me never to mention this to her previous to now. There’s been other incidents where we didn’t agree with some type of idea like this and it resulted in quite a nasty arguement.

So, the question. Have any of you had this experience? If so, what did you do? I don’t mind having her talk to my children about Santa, but should I wait til one of them blabs, “Grandma, there is no Santa…mommy and daddy told us!” or should I prepare her ahead of time? We were thinking about explaining to the children about not mentioning it to grandma, but kids are kids, and if they are ANYTHING like my husband, they will blab anyway ;). So, hopefully there’s someone out there who’s had a similiar situation and can fill me in. 🙂 Thanks!
 
Since you were raised with St. Nicholas, that would be a good starting point. The children can believe in St. Nicholas, can understand why we give gifts in honor of the Christ Child, etc. They ‘believe’ in Santa/St. Nick, but the focus is just a little different (better) in that rather than focusing on what Santa is giving them, they would concentrate on how they would like to be like little Santa/saints and give to others. Maybe that way Grandma wouldn’t feel like her traditions and ideas aren’t ‘good enough’; maybe you could ask her to start thinking about sharing, via books, or pictures, stories about special Christmases and what the love behind the gifts that Santa brought meant to her loved ones. Because 9 times out of 10 it really isn’t so much the dress, the picture, the ‘thing’ that people enjoy, but the fact that somebody cared enough about them, and took the trouble, and just plain loved them enough to try to make them happy with a dress, picture, thing etc. which they truly wanted. The love lasts forever, the ‘things’ do not.
 
Thanks, I should try that. However, I just want to say that I do believe half of it has to do with the “idea” of Santa, and the fact that she and my mom don’t get along (AT ALL), so many times she gets defensive b/c it’s like her tradition vs. my mom’s. I rarely bring up anything anymore about my own family’s doings.

She’s already told me, since we’re expecting in April, that we should be excited because Santa will be coming next year and my husband has to be a “good boy” starting Jan 1 of this coming yr or Santa won’t visit.

I guess I’m dreading even bringing it up, but maybe if I instill the idea that my parents instilled in me about St. Nicholas being the real and original Santa, then that will keep the kids quiet, although you never know. lol.
 
Children have very active imaginations – if anyone other than a 2 year old served tea to a stuffed bear or kissed their football goodnight, we would lock them up. We read our children Winnie the Pooh and Cinderella. If someone were to ban all fictional books from the child’s reading shelf, most of us would find that odd. If a parent would not allow the little girl a teddy bear because she might become attached to it, most of us would shake our heads.

My mom and dad put Santa squarely in the same pen as Cinderella and Superman – a fairy tale. When we kids (and later grandkids) were very young, mom would pretend that the Winnie the pooh toy was eating cookies, and she would play along with Santa Clause by putting his name on a gift. We’d sit on Santa’s lap and did not think him any more “real” than when we shook hands with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland. There was never a big “Santa is not REAL” disclosure, he simply went the way of teddy bear tea parties. The idea of “Santa” in no way detracted from the celebration of Christ’s birth, it was just an extra bit of whimsy.

I would suggest, in stead of making Santa Clause into an issue, you put him right over there beside Thomas the Train and Peter Pan and the teddy bear tea parties. Part of childhood imagination.
 
kage_ar said:
I would suggest, in stead of making Santa Clause into an issue, you put him right over there beside Thomas the Train and Peter Pan and the teddy bear tea parties. Part of childhood imagination.
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It sounds like the Grandma, not the poster, is making this an issue.

Lotusblossom, I would suggest you not tell Grandma that you were raised without believing in a “real” Santa. But then again, she’d probably ask about it when she finds out.
 
Our parents told us that Santa Claus is the spirit of giving, and that everyone who gives in the spirit of love is a “Santa Claus.”

I remember pretending to believe in the guy with the reindeer, but I don’t remember ever actually thinking he was real.

Looking back, I have no idea what my grandparents thought - I always just assumed they believed the same thing as my parents, even when they were pretending he was real.
 
CatholicSam said:
It sounds like the Grandma, not the poster, is making this an issue.

Lotusblossom, I would suggest you not tell Grandma that you were raised without believing in a “real” Santa. But then again, she’d probably ask about it when she finds out.
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Yes, that is my dilemma. I have no problem with her talking about Santa coming and all that.

To the poster before you, I’m not going to “shelter” them from Santa, just not present him as a “real” person who comes down the chimney and gives them the presents they receive. It’s not that I’m against people telling their children/grandchildren about Santa. I will put him right with Cinderella and all the other fictional characters because he is fictional (I know, St. Nicholas is who he was formed after and the children will learn about him), but Grandma may have difficulty with that, and I just am looking for ideas that are non-confrontational, or at least some knowledge that I’m not alone :).

It’s really not about Santa vs. no Santa at Christmas, but how to handle a situation that involves this.
 
lotusblossom said:
It’s really not about Santa vs. no Santa at Christmas, but how to handle a situation that involves this.
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I don’t see how any parent *could *shelter their kids from Santa unless the kids stay at home and out of the stores from Halloween to New Year’s anyway 🙂

You could tell Grandma that you were brought up with no Santa, but for your children, you want them to know Santa as St. Nick and as the “spirit of giving” as someone posted above. You then could go on to say that you don’t have a problem with telling stories about Santa, decorating with Santa, etc. Tell her you want the giving aspect of Santa emphasized, not the receiving. Add that today’s culture is so materialistic, not like when you and your husband were kids 🙂 Don’t detail your childhood experiences at all other than to say that you had no Santa in your life but that you want it in your child’s life in the way explained. She’ll probably still push you to do it her way, but at least she won’t feel that you’re dumping her traditions in favor of your mom’s. This will be presented to her as a new tradition, thought up by both you and your husband. And how can she argue with you two wanting to emphasize giving instead of getting? Good luck! I may be in the same boat one of these days (although both my husband and I were brought up with “real” Santa).

By the way, I think if it were me, I would go ahead and address the issue the next time she brings up Santa. That way you get it all over and done with now, before she makes a big stink about it in front of the kids. Next time she says “Santa’s coming next year!” agree with her and reply that you’re so excited about teaching your kids about the spirit of giving.
 
kage_ar said:
Children have very active imaginations – if anyone other than a 2 year old served tea to a stuffed bear or kissed their football goodnight, we would lock them up.
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Uh oh. Except the football part. Why would anyone kiss their football?
 
To the original OP

IMO to make this less confrontential to grandmother just explain simply and calmly how in your household growing up you always celebrated St. Nicholas and you;d like to continue that tradition in your house…

Is there some tradition that his side celebrates that you could incorporate into y’alls Christmas tradition. If there is perhaps you could share that with her and tell her now your blending the two families together…

I would also stress that your not trying to destroy your children’s imagination etc, but that you want them to realize Christmas isn’t all about material goods.

Maybe ask her to adopt a needy family with you and y’all can buy gifts for them? Especially if she really wants to play santa;)
 
Thanks Maria29!

I think I may do this. She really is not bad and has such a giving heart (which I think contributes to her whole Santa thing - so she can spoil her grandchildren 🙂 ), just a little stubborn at times. 🙂
 
lotusblossom said:
Thanks Maria29!

I think I may do this. She really is not bad and has such a giving heart (which I think contributes to her whole Santa thing - so she can spoil her grandchildren 🙂 ), just a little stubborn at times. 🙂
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I agree with Maria29… I think it sounds more like a jealously issue between the grandma’s than a true “issue” with your parenting…

Definitely have a conversation about how you’d ALSO like to incorporate a tradition from DH’s side… blending family traditions really makes everyone feel loved and appreciated.

I think keeping the overall family peace is much more important during the holidays than arguing over whether or not Santa is “real” or not… ya know?
 
I feel you on this!! 🙂 DH and I won’t be doing Santa with our kids, but his parents did it, and mine did too. My parents don’t care what we do, they’re real laid back (and my mom might be one of the holiest people I know…she understands why we aren’t going to do Santa, and doesn’t feel insulted or whatev.) DH’s fam was very secular and Jewish, and so they always celebrated Christmas as solely Santa and presents, very materialized…I love my MIL very much, but she is uncomfortable when we make choices different from what she thinks we should do. I plan on simply explaining that it’s a choice we’ve made for our own family and it has nothing to do with any body else’s family, and leave it at that. I often remind my MIL very gently that DH “left his mother and father and cleaved unto his wife”…and she understands we’re not being personal. I think other people’s ideas of using another tradition from your DH’s family to incorporate is a great idea! Good luck 🙂
 
When they are really little it doesn’t matter.

After that, when they first ask, I would say something along the lines of, “Well, we don’t want to spoil it for Grandma, her belief in Santa, do we? Maybe someday Grandma will outgrow it.”
 
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