Grave/light matter - borderline cases

[Almond1]

Some sins are clearly grave matter, like murder.

Some are clearly light matter, like overeating for pleasure.

But what about the countless sins that are somewhere between these two extremes?

For example, when describing my father to someone who I thought might know him, I mocked him by imitating his gait in an exaggerated manner.

Or another example I had set a discipline of not using the net/technology on Saturdays, unless someone I was with had tv/radio on, but one Saturday I was visiting my family and they had TV on, and I kept watching it after they left the room, thinking “eh it’s no big deal.” So I willfully broke a rule I had set for God.

“Common sense” would say neither of those things is grave matter. But my common sense doesn’t think missing mass on Sunday, thinking lustfully about someone, or getting drunk would be truly grave matter either, but the Church has taught me otherwise.

What about being swept away with anger? The catechism says it’s grave matter to wish harm on someone. On the rare occasions I actually become extremely angry I do, on some level, and at moments “entirely”, wish harm on someone. Would one of those “moments” constitute a break of charity that would kill my soul?

How can I tell what’s “passion” and what’s “will”, and how can I possibly tell when my “will” is “engaged” to the point that I’ve committed a mortal sin?

I hate being in the dark like this on something so fundamental and whether I am in friendship with God or courting eternal damnation.

I’ve met people who think virtually no sin is mortal unless you really choose to hate God in a total way with full knowledge of what you’re doing so as to put yourself in hell. I don’t even think Judas Iscariot committed a mortal sin by that standard…

 

[Pug]

Welcome to CAF! Before anything, remember that God loves you and he isn’t setting you up to fail. You can trust him completely. Second, one of the best ways to figure out how to do Catholic type things is to learn by watching other Catholics. I was a convert and lacked any Catholics to show me the way, so it took awhile flailing about at times to feel like I had the sense of it all. Be patient with yourself. Here’s where I remind you about that trusting in Him completely to lead you where you need to go. He is our Shepard. It is not all up to you to do yourself. The devil would like us to tie ourselves in knots of misery, feeling it is impossible, distracting us from the goal of the upward calling in Christ. But none of that is needed. So, make a simple, short effort to ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and honestly examine your actions, confess anything that seems mortal, and let your confessor provide any additional guidance. Nothing complex is required. God really does loves us and wants us to trust him to care for us.

I’m sure someone else will provide a nice list of the conditions of mortal sin. I’ll do that, too, if you like. But for myself, true happiness lies in knowing God is our Father, who loves us.

 

[Inbonum]

another example I had set a discipline of not using the net/technology on Saturdays, unless someone I was with had tv/radio on, but one Saturday I was visiting my family and they had TV on, and I kept watching it after they left the room, thinking “eh it’s no big deal.” So I willfully broke a rule I had set for God.

You put rule, there I see problem. You feel guilty because you set something that isn’t commanded and you cannot fulfill it.

Please discuss with priest, he will give you guidance on sin matter and best advices how to act in accordance with your possibilities.

 

[Almond1]

Thanks for your kind reply. The problem I have is that I know the “standard” answers, and the “standard” lists, I just find them very hard to apply in my actual failings sometimes.

Or another example, someone I disliked a lot got fired from work. So every day I feel this little gloating feeling that that person isn’t there anymore. I can say the words to myself “I don’t wish harm on this person” but really, on some level, maybe on all levels besides the one level that says those few words, I really am glad this person got fired. So am I then deliberately willing grave harm (loss of a good job) and falling into mortal sin?

 

[Irishmom2]

You are sounding like it’s possible you are scrupulous. You should talk to a priest about your concerns.

For example, it’s not a sin to be glad someone doesn’t work at your job anymore. If you think that is a sin, that’s a problem. Please, make an appointment with a priest.

 

[Pug]

We do not have much control of the thoughts and feelings in our head. Sometimes there will be one that comes back again and again. It does not mean you are failing when that happens. Nor does it determine who you are. Perhaps you are glad that the atmosphere at work is less tense now, nothing wrong with that. You have responded by denying harm to the coworker. That is just fine. If you wish, offer a tiny prayer for the well-being of your coworker. Then move on to doing your work.

If for some reason this continues to bother you and you can’t move on, bring it up to the priest at confession and he can guide you.

 

[Daniel27]

Priests are trained to deal with questions just like these.