Grave Reasons for Postponing Pregnancy

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CatofAlexandria

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Hi!

One of the hardest moral theology questions for my husband and I has been: what is a “grave reason” to use Natural Family Planning to postpone a pregnancy? Of course, this isn’t a bright-line rule, and it’s a highly fact-intensive inquiry, but it would be nice to have more guidance than what I’ve been getting (“you know when you have one”). As of late, my education has been the reason – I’m in professional school, I don’t sleep regularly, and I’m under a lot of stress. This has always seemed like a grave reason to us because it’s temporary in nature and we plan to start trying soon. But what about after school and after the first baby (and the next, God willing)? Is being overwhelmed a grave reason? Can you decide that you’ve likely “finished” your family while remaining open to Children?

Book and/or website suggestions would be the most helpful. Thank you all so much in advance!
 
You do not need a grave reason to use NFP to avoid pregnancy. You only need a proportionate reason. If you are trying to refain from conceiving a child, only for a limited time, you do not need a grave reason. A grave reason would only be needed to avoid conception for a long period of time.

The Magisterium has clearly and definitively taught that married couples may use natural family planning either “for spacing births” or even when the couple has an “intention to avoid children and wish to make sure that none will result.” However, the couple may use NFP to decrease the likelihood of conception only for “well-grounded reasons” or “reasonable motives.”
Humanae Vitae, n. 16.
 
People have actually had babies WHILE in professional school and lived to tell the tale 🙂

If you wait til everything is perfect you will never have a child.
 
kage_ar said:
People have actually had babies WHILE in professional school and lived to tell the tale 🙂

If you wait til everything is perfect you will never have a child.
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:rotfl:
I had my (first) baby while in my first year of professional school, it is yet to be seen if I live to tell about. 😃

Though to be serious, this is an important question. Many people put off having children while they are getting advanced degrees. My baby is now 9 months old, and my fertility has returned (assuming noy an-ovulatory cycle). I am still in school, we are very poor, and the baby is only 9 months. Having more guidance on this question would be helpful.
 
No matter how PREPARED you are for children, your never prepared when it happens. Children are the greatest gift ever, don’t deprive yourself of this, because of school.
 
Thank you all for your lovely responses. We’ve decided (fairly recently) to stop avoiding in a few months partly out of that realization that no time is perfect. I guess I’ll learn in about a year what true sleep deprivation is (and maybe also a little bit more about perfection) 🙂

Whether or not the last year’s reason has been “grave,” well, I guess that’s in the prayerful past. I suspect, however, that this determination will continue to be difficult as “reasonable” and “well-grounded” still seem so murky to me. What are some factors that Catholic couples should consider (e.g., health, spacing births), and factors that couples should NOT consider?
 
Keep in mind that we are also called to responsible parenthood by Humane Vitae
With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.
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Responsible parenthood, as we use the term here, has one further essential aspect of paramount importance. It concerns the objective moral order which was established by God, and of which a right conscience is the true interpreter. In a word, the exercise of responsible parenthood requires that husband and wife, keeping a right order of priorities, recognize their own duties toward God, themselves, their families and human society.
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From this it follows that they are not free to act as they choose in the service of transmitting life, as if it were wholly up to them to decide what is the right course to follow. On the contrary, they are bound to ensure that what they do corresponds to the will of God the Creator. The very nature of marriage and its use makes His will clear, while the constant teaching of the Church spells it out. (10)
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A good example is someone I know who has several children and is going to school. The problem here is that they are spending hardly any time with the kids. Someone else is essentially raising them.

So while there is “never a right time” also bear in mind that if your current obligations mean you will never see your kids, it’s not a bad idea to hold off until you can get away from said obligations. So while having children should be generous, and always open to the will and plan of God, you have to make sure you can give what it takes to raise a good catholic child. 👍
 
Ron_Conte said:
You do not need a grave reason to use NFP to avoid pregnancy. You only need a proportionate reason. If you are trying to refain from conceiving a child, only for a limited time, you do not need a grave reason. A grave reason would only be needed to avoid conception for a long period of time.

The Magisterium has clearly and definitively taught that married couples may use natural family planning either “for spacing births” or even when the couple has an “intention to avoid children and wish to make sure that none will result.” However, the couple may use NFP to decrease the likelihood of conception only for “well-grounded reasons” or “reasonable motives.”
Humanae Vitae, n. 16.
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One needs a serious reason…

THAT is what is just…what is reasonable …for the spacing of births etc.
 
The Church has repeatedly explained that “just reasons” regarding NFP are when there are serious reasons:

From the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church – approved by Pope Benedict XVI
  1. When is it moral to regulate births?
2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.

vatican.va/archive/compen…um-ccc_en.html

From the Compendium of Social Doctrine of the Catholic Church

It lays out that SERIOUS REASONS are needed …and they can fit into different kinds…

(another official doc)
  1. The family contributes to the social good in an eminent fashion through responsible motherhood and fatherhood, the spouses’ special participation in God’s work of creation[519]. The weight of this responsibility must not be used as a justification for being selfishly closed but must guide the decisions of the spouses in a generous acceptance of life. “In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised both in the duly pondered and generous decision to have a large family, and in the decision, made for serious reasons and in respect of the moral law, to avoid for a time or even indeterminately a new birth”[520]. The motivations that should guide the couple in exercising responsible motherhood and fatherhood originate in the full recognition of their duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society in a proper hierarchy of values.
vatican.va/roman_curia/po…tt-soc_en.html

The witness of couples who for years have lived in harmony with the plan of the Creator, and who, for proportionately serious reasons, licitly use the methods rightly called “natural,” confirms that it is possible for spouses to live the demands of chastity and of married life with common accord and full self-giving.

vatican.va/roman_curia/po…emecum_en.html

which is from a vatican guide for confessors

From the Encyclical of Pope John Paul II Evangelium Vitae

This happens when the family is generously open to new lives, and when couples maintain an attitude of openness and service to life, even if, for serious reasons and in respect for the moral law, they choose to avoid a new birth for the time being or indefinitely.

the larger quote:

The work of educating in the service of life involves the training of married couples in responsible procreation. In its true meaning, responsible procreation requires couples to be obedient to the Lord’s call and to act as faithful interpreters of his plan. This happens when the family is generously open to new lives, and when couples maintain an attitude of openness and service to life, even if, for serious reasons and in respect for the moral law, they choose to avoid a new birth for the time being or indefinitely. The moral law obliges them in every case to control the impulse of instinct and passion, and to respect the biological laws inscribed in their person. It is precisely this respect which makes legitimate, at the service of responsible procreation, the use of natural methods of regulating fertility. From the scientific point of view, these methods are becoming more and more accurate and make it possible in practice to make choices in harmony with moral values. An honest appraisal of their effectiveness should dispel certain prejudices which are still widely held, and should convince married couples, as well as health-care and social workers, of the importance of proper training in this area. The Church is grateful to those who, with personal sacrifice and often unacknowledged dedication, devote themselves to the study and spread of these methods, as well to the promotion of education in the moral values which they presuppose. 97

vatican.va/edocs/ENG0141/_INDEX.HTM

BUT AGAIN serious does not have to = life or death…

and it is something that can have MANY incarnations…for life throws all sorts of things at us…

the couple has to judge before God if a particular reason is serious…of course they can seek advice etc…(one source you could contact the Pope Paul VI institute…they can advise and are experts in this area and very faithful to the Church)…but in the end they need to make the judgment …it as in a way a cool …that God puts these sorts of things into our hands…

prayer too of course can be very good…
 
CatofAlexandria said:
Thank you all for your lovely responses. We’ve decided (fairly recently) to stop avoiding in a few months partly out of that realization that no time is perfect. I guess I’ll learn in about a year what true sleep deprivation is (and maybe also a little bit more about perfection) 🙂

Whether or not the last year’s reason has been “grave,” well, I guess that’s in the prayerful past. I suspect, however, that this determination will continue to be difficult as “reasonable” and “well-grounded” still seem so murky to me. What are some factors that Catholic couples should consider (e.g., health, spacing births), and factors that couples should NOT consider?
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hello…according to the Church…in this area the term most used is “serious reasons” so when one come across terms such as “reasonable” etc…they mean serious…for in this area it is serious reasons that are ‘reasonable’…

but ‘serious’ does not = per se ‘life or death’…it can have many forms…as many perhaps as there are couples…for many things can fit under the various catagories…

here is the website for the Paul VI institute…they can offer good advice…popepaulvi.com/
 
Rence actually supplied the answer from HV: what are you as a couple being called to by God, and what are your existing responsibilities to your spouse, your existing family, and to society? It is assumed that you are praying about and discerning what you are called to, not just lining up reasons.

A little time in front of the Blessed Sacrament can help you to discern, too, or at least I’ve always found that to be true, when you as a couple are having the “what-are-we-being-called-to” discussion and discernment.
 
kage_ar said:
Use the Catechism as a guide - it says “JUST reason”.
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the Catechism must be understood in light of the other documents …

a “JUST reason” in this matter must be a “serious reason” in order for it to be “just”…

(like for instance one needs a " just reason" to kill a person in self defense…and of course that just reason must by nature be a ‘serious reason’…ie it is necessary to save ones life)

The Church has repeatedly explained that “just reasons” regarding NFP are when there are serious reasons:

From the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church – approved by Pope Benedict XVI (which summerizes what the Catechism teaches and in some cases sheds more light on what is meant)
  1. When is it moral to regulate births?
2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.

vatican.va/archive/compen…um-ccc_en.html

From the Compendium of Social Doctrine of the Catholic Church

It lays out that SERIOUS REASONS are needed …and they can fit into different kinds…

(another official doc)
  1. The family contributes to the social good in an eminent fashion through responsible motherhood and fatherhood, the spouses’ special participation in God’s work of creation[519]. The weight of this responsibility must not be used as a justification for being selfishly closed but must guide the decisions of the spouses in a generous acceptance of life. “In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised both in the duly pondered and generous decision to have a large family, and in the decision, made for **serious reasons **and in respect of the moral law, to avoid for a time or even indeterminately a new birth”[520]. The motivations that should guide the couple in exercising responsible motherhood and fatherhood originate in the full recognition of their duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society in a proper hierarchy of values.
vatican.va/roman_curia/po…tt-soc_en.html

The witness of couples who for years have lived in harmony with the plan of the Creator, and who, for proportionately serious reasons, licitly use the methods rightly called “natural,” confirms that it is possible for spouses to live the demands of chastity and of married life with common accord and full self-giving.

vatican.va/roman_curia/po…emecum_en.html

which is from a vatican guide for confessors

From the Encyclical of Pope John Paul II Evangelium Vitae

This happens when the family is generously open to new lives, and when couples maintain an attitude of openness and service to life, even if, for serious reasons and in respect for the moral law, they choose to avoid a new birth for the time being or indefinitely.

the larger quote:

The work of educating in the service of life involves the training of married couples in responsible procreation. In its true meaning, responsible procreation requires couples to be obedient to the Lord’s call and to act as faithful interpreters of his plan. This happens when the family is generously open to new lives, and when couples maintain an attitude of openness and service to life, even if, for **serious reasons **and in respect for the moral law, they choose to avoid a new birth for the time being or indefinitely. The moral law obliges them in every case to control the impulse of instinct and passion, and to respect the biological laws inscribed in their person. It is precisely this respect which makes legitimate, at the service of responsible procreation, the use of natural methods of regulating fertility. From the scientific point of view, these methods are becoming more and more accurate and make it possible in practice to make choices in harmony with moral values. An honest appraisal of their effectiveness should dispel certain prejudices which are still widely held, and should convince married couples, as well as health-care and social workers, of the importance of proper training in this area. The Church is grateful to those who, with personal sacrifice and often unacknowledged dedication, devote themselves to the study and spread of these methods, as well to the promotion of education in the moral values which they presuppose. 97

vatican.va/edocs/ENG0141/_INDEX.HTM

BUT AGAIN serious does not have to = life or death…

and it is something that can have MANY incarnations…for life throws all sorts of things at us…

the couple has to judge before God if a particular reason is serious…of course they can seek advice etc…(one source you could contact the Pope Paul VI institute…they can advise and are experts in this area and very faithful to the Church)…but in the end they need to make the judgment …it as in a way a cool …that God puts these sorts of things into our hands…

prayer too of course can be very good…
 
I think that fighting over whether the term is “just,” “serious,” “grave,” “well-grounded,” “reasonable,” or “proportionate” is not very helpful. All of these standards point to a highly fact-intensive and prayerful inquiry. It seems to be a balancing test rooted not in external, societal pressures, but the couple’s honest evaluation about their current circumstances and what God wants for them as a family.

“Serious,” “just,” and “reasonable,” of course, have slightly different meanings, but I think that they point to the same inquiry under the totality of the circumstances. There’s no reason why all of these terms can’t guide the couple’s decision. Thank you all, again, for your help.
 
CatofAlexandria said:
I think that fighting over whether the term is “just,” “serious,” “grave,” “well-grounded,” “reasonable,” or “proportionate” is not very helpful. All of these standards point to a highly fact-intensive and prayerful inquiry. It seems to be a balancing test rooted not in external, societal pressures, but the couple’s honest evaluation about their current circumstances and what God wants for them as a family.

“Serious,” “just,” and “reasonable,” of course, have slightly different meanings, but I think that they point to the same inquiry under the totality of the circumstances. There’s no reason why all of these terms can’t guide the couple’s decision. Thank you all, again, for your help.
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not fighting…just giving the clarification that the other terms sometimes used…refer to the need for serious reasons as seen in the various documents the Church has issued on the subject.

the words in english can have slightly different meaning when used in a different context…but in this context – ‘serious reasons’ is the guiding term (hence it is the one repeated).

for a reason to be just and reasonable …it needs to be according ‘a serious reason’…

which does not = ‘life or death’ …and there can be many degrees of difference from one reason to the next…while remaining ‘serious’…

and such clarification is important for some out there may think that since other terms have been used at times…that they do not need serious reasons…to avoid…

which is not the case.

but yes …no fighting 🙂 and yes pray…seek advice and judge well …for there is no exhaustive list of serious reasons…they can take many forms under the general catagories given by the Church. and it is up to the couple before God to make the judgment…
 
CatofAlexandria said:
Hi!

One of the hardest moral theology questions for my husband and I has been: what is a “grave reason” to use Natural Family Planning to postpone a pregnancy? Of course, this isn’t a bright-line rule, and it’s a highly fact-intensive inquiry, but it would be nice to have more guidance than what I’ve been getting (“you know when you have one”). As of late, my education has been the reason – I’m in professional school, I don’t sleep regularly, and I’m under a lot of stress. This has always seemed like a grave reason to us because it’s temporary in nature and we plan to start trying soon. But what about after school and after the first baby (and the next, God willing)? Is being overwhelmed a grave reason? Can you decide that you’ve likely “finished” your family while remaining open to Children?

Book and/or website suggestions would be the most helpful. Thank you all so much in advance!
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Book: Good News about Sex and Marriage by Christopher West works for many people.

Those sound like grave reasons to me. One of the things to think about is what is best for your children. Is spacing them out really best, or is giving them similar age siblings best. Are you able to give them a proper home and proper education with the stress you have? Will you be able to separate your own stress from the children to some degree to give them opportunities to grow in a loving relationship with you and with God?

[You don’t have to be rich nor will you be able to make anything perfect. Do what you can and pray that God makes up for what you lack.]
 
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