Grumpy Confessors

[babochka]

The Seal of Confession means you do not reveal what happens in confession. You should not discuss this.

The seal of confession does not apply to the penitent. One may argue that it is unwise or inappropriate to discuss this, but it is not an issue of violating the seal

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

The Seal of Confession means you do not reveal what happens in confession. You should not discuss this.

That’s not what the seal of confession means, The seal is binding on the one hearing the confession, not the one doing the confessing. If I chose to come here and tell everything I said in my last confession, I would not be breaking the seal. I wouldn’t be very prudent, but I wouldn’t be violating the seal.

One problem with discussing what a priest said in confession is that the report may or may not be accurate. Since the priest cannot disclose what he said it can be problematic. However, a general question like “what should I do when I encounter a grumpy confessor” isn’t violating anything.

 

[Edward_H]

The seal of confession does not apply to the penitent. One may argue that it is unwise or inappropriate to discuss this, but it is not an issue of violating the seal

Courtesy and discretion dictates you should not disclose intimate details and priestly advice to others, gained in confession.

And more over, others may - depending on the advice given and discourteously revealed by the penitent - think that advice may also apply to them…and yet a priest may have particular reasons for saying something to someone and not someone else.

Don’t reveal who said what. Can turn into a gossipy parish…and undercut the priest.

 

[babochka]

Courtesy and discretion dictates you should not disclose intimate details and priestly advice to others, gained in confession.

And more over, others may - depending on the advice given and discourteously revealed by the penitent - think that advice may also apply to them…and yet a priest may have particular reasons for saying something to someone and not someone else.

Don’t reveal who said what. Can turn into a gossipy parish…and undercut the priest.

This is a good and valid point. It still doesn’t mean it is a violation of the seal for a penitent to discuss his or her confession.

 

[Joy2day]

How come when our priest is on the cranky side its downright inexcusable, but when Padre Pio’s demeanor at confession is recalled, it a different story?

I dont think you can compare St Padre Pio being cranky with an individual person, to another priest who adopts a similar style:

1. St Padre Pio was guided by his guardian angel, & therefore had inside knowledge appropriate to that person
2. If St Pio was cranky with me, I might have given him the miss next time; unfortunately I can be cranky also
3. It depends on the situation & how you’re placed, eg. if you’ve just come from an ordeal where you’ve had a gun pointed at your head, & your emotional reserves are rather low, & then you get a priest in confession who’s grumpy, well, realistically yiu just dont have the energy for it. You’re there for God anyway. But most people would know this. It does not mean you resent the priest it s just that you havent the emotional energy for unnecessary angst.

 

[Joy2day]

I am not saying that my explanation is the ideal or best response to an unfortunate priestly tone, its just that it might be the best one can manage at the time.
The best approach is to detach & focus on God/Our Lord who is there.

 

[Edward_H]

Most of us could benefit by not making much of such things. Smile, say nothing, give it to God with a wink.

The world seems increasingly filled with people who seem “always on the edge of being offended”.

Let’s raise the tone of the world around us with our practiced ability to totally side step such little p(name removed by moderator)ricks, not even letting them bounce around our wretched and self-focused heads.

 

[pianistclare]

Most of us could benefit by not making much of such things. Smile, say nothing, give it to God with a wink.

The world seems increasingly filled with people who seem “always on the edge of being offended”.

Let’s raise the tone of the world around us with our practiced ability to totally side step such little p(name removed by moderator)ricks, not even letting them bounce around our wretched and self-focused heads.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

One complaint that many priests have is that penitents arrive without adequate preparation. The penitent will say that it has been three years since his last confession, and then confess that he told three lies and missed Mass twice. That is a signal to the priest that the penitent has either not taken enough time to prepare for confession or has lost his sense of sin.

Indeed. I was talking to a friend of mine who wants to get married in The Church because she is a Baptized Catholic but not a practicing Catholic. She is Engaged with another friend of mine. I reminded her that she needs to be Confirmed and go to Confession before she can be Married in the Church. She told me that she does not think she has anything to confess. She said “I think I am ok” This is while she is co-habituating with her Fiance and refers to their love making as “Sinning together” I had to really bite my tongue lol

I get the impression sometimes that a lot of non-practicing Catholics think that as long as they just try to kinda be a good person and have not killed anybody, they are ok.

 

[christofirst]

Most of us could benefit by not making much of such things. Smile, say nothing, give it to God with a wink.

The world seems increasingly filled with people who seem “always on the edge of being offended”.

Let’s raise the tone of the world around us with our practiced ability to totally side step such little p(name removed by moderator)ricks, not even letting them bounce around our wretched and self-focused heads.

There is wisdom in what you said, but just for the sake of argument:

That is a fine goal, but not so easy for many of us. It is a short step from how you gently put it, to bluntly saying, “Just get over it! You’re too thin skinned! Man up! (or woman up, as the case may be)” This can then become an easy excuse for people to somehow justify treating each other without respect. Some of us might actually appreciate having a drill sergeant for the shepherd of our souls, but most of us need some encouragement, not a scolding.

I’m not all that familiar with what goes on in seminary, but it seems to me our priests are now given a little more sensitivity training, and this is a very good thing. The perpetually grumpy priest of the past (certainly not all, but it does seem like there were more in years past) drove not a few people away from the confessional and the Church, and in too many cases, they never returned.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I have sensed grumpiness maybe once or twice but it is not even close to being something that happened so often from the priests I have confessed to. The overwhelming majority of times, confession has been a great experience. The worst thing I have ever had to confess, which I would not have blamed the priest yelling at me, was met with compassion, understanding and a “welcome back” after the short time I knew for certain that I was not in Gods friendship.

One time I though I was confessing such a bad sin and the priest laughed… Then I laughed and he told me I did not sin So experiences will vary in confession

 

[Edward_H]

There is wisdom in what you said, but just for the sake of argument:

That is a fine goal, but not so easy for many of us. It is a short step from how you gently put it, to bluntly saying, “Just get over it! You’re too thin skinned! Man up! (or woman up, as the case may be)” This can then become an easy excuse for people to somehow justify treating each other without respect. Some of us might actually appreciate having a drill sergeant for the shepherd of our souls, but most of us need some encouragement, not a scolding.

I’m not all that familiar with what goes on in seminary, but it seems to me our priests are now given a little more sensitivity training, and this is a very good thing. The perpetually grumpy priest of the past (certainly not all, but it does seem like there were more in years past) drove not a few people away from the confessional and the Church, and in too many cases, they never returned.

Yes and no. The universal call to holiness isn’t easy. We are all called to be canonizable saints. The happy work of a lifetime. Never gets boring. I didn’t say a person needs to find that short step and tell someone else carefully. Instead, it’s our job as baptized and confirmed Catholics to push ourselves toward ever greater sanctity every day. Hearing untargeted reminders can help us adopt a more sporting spirit with ourselves…telling ourselves…hopefully in conversation with God…“yeah…get over it, quietly and quickly!”

There’s a difference between a scolding…and taking spiritual advice as a sturdy man or woman. The more sensitive we seem to get as a society…the more offended we seem to get!

 

[christofirst]

Yes and no. The universal call to holiness isn’t easy. We are all called to be canonizable saints. The happy work of a lifetime. Never gets boring. I didn’t say a person needs to find that short step and tell someone else carefully. Instead, it’s our job as baptized and confirmed Catholics to push ourselves toward ever greater sanctity every day. Hearing untargeted reminders can help us adopt a more sporting spirit with ourselves…telling ourselves…hopefully in conversation with God…“yeah…get over it, quietly and quickly!”

There’s a difference between a scolding…and taking spiritual advice as a sturdy man or woman. The more sensitive we seem to get as a society…the more offended we seem to get!

May we all be able to find the confessor best suited to our individual needs and personality. God bless our priests, especially the grumpy ones.

 

[InNomineDomini]

The world seems increasingly filled with people who seem “always on the edge of being offended”.

The perpetually grumpy priest of the past (certainly not all, but it does seem like there were more in years past) drove not a few people away from the confessional and the Church, and in too many cases, they never returned.

I agree with both of these statements. Edward’s comment is really a great reason for confessors to avoid being grumpy, while christofirst’s observation is a terrible consequence of, shall we say, uncharitable confession hearing.

Something else that stood out: turning a bad confession experience, not into an excuse to stop going to confession, but as an opportunity to grow in holiness, and to advance, through God’s grace, on the road to becoming a saint.

Now that really is the bottom line. How do we deal with anything in life? In the way that will lead to our salvation, and to the salvation of as many others as possible.

 

[Joy2day]

I have found 99% of confessors to be excellent! However I think the main problem with this discussion is the attempt to generalise yet again re. how a penitent should react, how the priest has actually behaved, what situations ‘most’ people are in, the reasons people left the church, even to the extent of assuming the behaviour of ‘grumpy’ confessors is generic. With such constant generalisations, the discussion is hardly accurate.

 

[JimG]

I dont think you can compare St Padre Pio being cranky with an individual person, to another priest who adopts a similar style:

1. St Padre Pio was guided by his guardian angel, & therefore had inside knowledge appropriate to that person
2. If St Pio was cranky with me, I might have given him the miss next time; unfortunately I can be cranky also
3. It depends on the situation & how you’re placed, eg. if you’ve just come from an ordeal where you’ve had a gun pointed at your head, & your emotional reserves are rather low, & then you get a priest in confession who’s grumpy, well, realistically yiu just dont have the energy for it. You’re there for God anyway. But most people would know this. It does not mean you resent the priest it s just that you havent the emotional energy for unnecessary angst.

From the stories I have read about Padre Pio, I would have been quite reluctant to go to confession to him! Yet he had confessional lines blocks long! Sometimes he told a penitent to come back when he was truly sorry, and just slammed shut the confessional slide. Other times he told people of sins they were omitting. I don’t see him as a particularly friendly confessor, but he sure was popular.

 

[Joy2day]

Hi JimG!, yes St Pio was popular. He must have had the right words for a great many people; possibly that inside knowledge thing (maybe). I have read a few of his letters or advice he gave to people, & what I notice is the amazing confidence & faith in God that he transmits, as well as the encouragement he gives to people. Overall he was very encouraging I think, & able to give a lot of hope to people who needed it. He also knew a lot about the snares of the devil & how he behaves eg. he said that even the holiest person will get trappned into
sin by by the devil if he doesnt keep his distance. I found this interesting. Very wise. Overall in my readings, although he was strict in his following, he was very compassionate to people. I think those he sent out of confession must have been in the minority. But they came back!