Guidance in determining openness to life

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MrsK0224

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From what I’ve gathered, the Catholic Church is fairly mute on what constitutes a “serious” situation warranting NFP for avoiding a pregnancy. Are there any resources available (online or books etc) that would help examine conscience to determine whether a couple’s reason for avoiding a pregnancy is sufficiently “serious”?
 
I didn’t think you needed a reason to practice nfp…
 
Carmelite1983 said:
I didn’t think you needed a reason to practice nfp…
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CCC 2368 says “A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation . For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood.”

The bold I added myself.
 
It’s up to each couple to determine. What constitutes a ‘just’ (not serious) reason to avoid pregnancy will vary from person to person.
 
JulianN said:
It’s up to each couple to determine. What constitutes a ‘just’ (not serious) reason to avoid pregnancy will vary from person to person.
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I know it varies from situation to situation. Was just hoping there was some resource out there to help couples make this determination.
 
JulianN said:
It’s up to each couple to determine. What constitutes a ‘just’ (not serious) reason to avoid pregnancy will vary from person to person.
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Also, I didn’t make up the word ‘serious,’ it’s just not in the Catechism - it’s in the Humanae Vitae:

“With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.”

Which is it, “serious” reasons or “just” reasons? Should we defer to the Catechism or the Humanae Vitae on this?
 
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Just use Christian common sense based on Christian values.

Wanting to have a luxurious standard of living would not sound like a just reason.
Though it is your prudential judgement as to the difference between luxurious and adequate.

Wanting to avoid likely medical complications or risks would seem another.

Why not just ask us and advise your own purpose is re this question?
 
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Sophie111 said:
Why not just ask us and advise your own purpose is re this question?
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Ok. We have two children already. We live in a very high cost of living area of the country, but we could theoretically afford another child (food, clothes, utilities etc). Kids would have to share rooms, which is fine. Neither of us have physical or psychological issues to factor in.

But, we don’t think we want another child. We feel that having another child would mean that we can’t afford to send our kids to Catholic school, which we could afford now if we don’t have more kids. It’s possible it wouldn’t be the end of the world if they went through the public school system, but I’d be worried that having another kid would negatively impact the resources we’d ideally like to provide for our existing kids.
 
This is where it goes back to each couple determining what is true for them. There are people who will no doubt chime in and say that your reasons are insufficient – but it is not up to them to decide, and what is sufficiently serious for one couple is not for another. Only you can determine your motives in your hearts.
 
Then surely NFP is perfectly acceptable.
While Jesus “counsels” those who are heroic to be so he does not “command” perfection of those who do not feel called to such a witness.
 
I, as the Grand High Poobah of Telling Other People How to Run Their Own Lives, do hereby declare that the situation you have described is both “serious” and “just” and that you may hereby practice NFP for as long as these conditions hold.
 
One way to understand a meaning is to look at the antonym.

The opposite of “serious” would be “insincere” or “flippant”.

An antonym for “just” would be “unjust”.

Is the desire to send your kids to Catholic schools flippant or unjust?

As you reevaluate, take an honest look at tuition (scholarships, multi child discounts) and don’t completely spend today worrying about how to pay 1st grade tuition for a child who is not yet born, sounds as if you are being reasonable. One thing to remember, your job could change three times between now and when that third child goes to school and you could end up living where tuition is free!
 
Pope Paul VI said in Humanae Vitae that when considering whether they have a grave reason to avoid conception, parents must consider the welfare of themselves, their current children, and any future children.
 
MrsK0224 said:
Also, I didn’t make up the word ‘serious,’ it’s just not in the Catechism - it’s in the Humanae Vitae:
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There are several good articles on the translation issues of the Latin to English variously rendered grave, serious, and just.

Just is the closest to the original meaning.
 
Yeah…I don’t think it’s rocket science. If you aren’t ready for another kid…then don’t.

For what it’s worth…we send our kids to Catholic school. It’s expensive. We have three kids. We make it work…but, my goodness, it’s expensive.

So…you aren’t the only one limiting family size due to expenses. We live on the east coast…in one of the highest cost of living areas in the country.

So…despite what the masses of rad trad Catholics might say…kids are expensive. We’ve decided that we aren’t having any more…and that is one reason why.
 
Kids might be expensive, but the choices parents make for and about them truly determine that. Two families living in the same neighborhood will have differing expenses related to life, marriage and kids. That doesn’t make either Family wrong. It doesn’t make one better than the other or even more generous. It’s not fair to state that kids are expensive as a blanket statement, just as it would not be fair to deny that they can be. Those are the kinds of statements that draw lines in the sand, pick sides, and thumb noses at one another. It is also why the Church leaves those decisions to each family to work out for themselves.

I attended Catholic schools from Kindergarten through college. I can tell you that not all of the schools were good. It was not worth paying tuition form them when public schools were just as good (and more diverse with less snobbiness) and free. Other schools were wonderful. The good sisters that taught at one brought us to daily Mass, monthly confession, truly prepared us for sacraments, and loved us dearly. Not only was the school much cheaper and very ethnically diverse, it was the lowest prices with many options for scholarships. Please thoroughly check the school out before committing.

I’ve taught at public schools in many areas. There is a wide range there as well. It isn’t the worst thing to happen if your children attend a decent public school. A bad catholic school can harm the faith more than the decent public school can. Once again, thoroughly check the school (Catholic, public, or private) before committing.

If you decide to have another child, I don’t think you will regret the decision. If you don’t have another child, I don’t think you will necessarily regret the choice, but you may find that the plans you have for the two you have already change over time anyway. Don’t let future plans and dreams rule to the point that they become inflexible. That is where people run into disappointments. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks or says, it isn’t their family. Try to slow down a little and realize that you don’t need to have tuition or school choices planned out for several years in the future yet. Unless you are my age (late 40’s), you also don’t need to rush the discerning for a baby yet either. There is time. Slow down and breathe.

God will give you the grace you need to make the decisions that are best in your unique and lovely family. I’ll pray for you and for a happy future
 
What is serious to one couple isn’t serious to another. This is highly subjective territory, and it is why I believe the Church leaves it up to the couple.
 
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