Sadly, you remind me a great deal of myself! It is very important that you remember two pivotal truths. For one, the grace you received at baptism is with you always and forever. While personal sin can still damn a baptized person, that person is still permanently changed by their baptism and raised to a closeness with God that no amount of human effort could achieve. For two, as St. Paul says, nothing can separate us from the love of God. No amount of sin can make God abandon you or stop loving you. However, you must open yourself to him. If you hate your sin so much as you say, then we must open to His healing and His guidance through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, as well as the forgiveness and grace offered by the Holy Eucharist. These and these alone can cure you of your sin.
Nevertheless, you must not live under the expectation that a certain action or decision will completely remove your temptations or prevent you from sinning again. This life is full of sin, and our bodies, minds and hearts are inclined towards sin. We cannot escape it in this life, not fully. Conversion in this life is a matter of bringing ourselves closer to God. In truth, sin itself is not what damns someone to Hell - it is their choice of distancing themselves from God. Sin does not have power over us to send us to Hell; only we have that power, a freedom that God has given us. So long as we willfully choose to remain close to God, to trust in Him completely, always coming to Him for grace, strength and forgiveness, and pursuing His will to the best of our ability, sin can have no power over us. But you must gain a true, deep desire to be free of the chains of your sins, lose your affection for your sins, and finally come to God in the Holy Sacraments. God will not force His grace against your will.
I fervently hope and pray that you may be forgiven of all your sins, freed of your habitual sins, as well as the affection you have for those sins, healed of all your mental and physical ills, protected from all sin, all evils and all other problems, and given the courage, strength and humility to surrender yourself totally to Christ out of a deep, selfless love for Him, for yourself and for others, to whom your actions also have consequences. I extend these prayers to all those in the world dealing with habitual sins, especially sexual sins or drug-related addictions, and I ask for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, your guardian angel, St. Paul the Apostle and St. Michael the Archangel. God bless.
St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou
O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God
Thrust into Hell, Satan and all the evil spirits
Who prowl about the world, seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
