Half-sister: Help and prayers

[Lucy_1]

My sister and I have been estranged for the past couple of years because I can’t really trust her (long story.) Even though we’re estranged I feel bad for her because she’s really alone in the world. Never been married, no kids, roomate, boyfriend, or friends. She belongs to no community group or social org. My parents died a couple of years ago, and there’s only the two of us, as both my parents were only children. She has half-sisters from my mom’s first marriage, but they don’t speak to her. We didn’t grow up in a religious home, so she’s not even baptized, and has a negative bias against religion.

I used to call her every Saturday, but she started letting my calls roll to voicemail and wouldn’t call me back unless I specifically asked. So I thought, what’s the point? I was only doing it out of obligation, not because I really wanted to talk to her. That sounds bad, but she’s a hard person to talk to. So now I just send her a present on Christmas and her birthday.

Anyway, cut to the chase, these are the things I need help and prayer for:

• I don’t know what my obligations are as a Catholic and sister are outside of prayer. I guess I should start a weekly call again, even if I just leave a voicemail? And maybe send her a card a few times a year? I feel like I should do something for her.
• I don’t know how to tell if I’ve forgiven her or if I have a resentment. I can’t really tell what I’m feeling about her. I know I feel afraid of her, and feel hurt, but I wish her no harm. Is that forgiveness?
• Please pray for her. She’s so alone, and I know my mom would be worried. Before she died she asked me to take care of my sister, and I just don’t know how to do that.

 

[Irishmom2]

I think that you have gone out of your way to connect with your sister and she doesn’t seem to appreciate your efforts. I don’t think it is necessary to call her weekly. Perhaps cut down to once a month and see if she responds. If not, once every 3 months, or whenever you actually have something to talk about, even if it is 2 times a year.

Yes, pray for her, have a mass said for her, but it doesn’t sound like she really cares about a relationship with you. You shouldn’t feel guilty about letting the relationship go. It isn’t a relationship if it is all one sided or out of guilt.

 

[AdamP88]

I’d say continue as you are. She can always return the attention if she wishes but you sending gifts at Christmas and her birthday sends the message that you’re thinking about her and the door is open. There’s not much more you can do.

 

[Lucy_1]

I sent her a Halloween card today. I know she likes receiving mail. I just want to make sure my side of the street is clean, and I feel really weird/guilty about the whole thing because this isn’t how family is supposed to be, and because I know she has no one to help and support her. It’s just terribly sad to me.

 

[TheHolyTrinity]

@Lucy_1, perhaps write to her separately to her Birthday and Christmas asking her how to make amends with her. Ask her if you have said or done anything that has upset her and if so what are they and how can you both make amends and reconcile the sibling friendship.

She may have feelings of hurt, resentments, tension or anger about you and even being apart of a second family.

If possible set up a meeting at a quiet cafe, offer to pay (if she can not afford this) and allow her to voice her feelings. Acknowledge her feelings. Apologise to her for any wrong doings on your part. Don’t place blame. Allow time for your sibling to digest the re=connection and go from there.

http://warriorofgod.net/2018/09/28/prayer-for-estranged-siblings/

Below prayers are Christian, but they do address certain areas around estrangement of family members.

6 Prayers for Estranged Family Members

Praying to the Lord for guidance, knowledge and strength will help you get through the most difficult of times of having an estranged family member.

www.beliefnet.com

Pax Christi.

 

[Viki63]

If possible set up a meeting at a quiet cafe,

I like this suggestion; this is what I would do.
I recently realized that if my daughter disappeared, I wouldn’t know where to start looking for her – I have no contact info for her friends or work. turns out she was just really busy, but I plan to ask her who to contact if she were ill, for example.
You might suggest to your sister that since you don’t have other family, it would be good to keep in touch, just in case something happened, for example.

 

[Lucy_1]

@Lucy_1, perhaps write to her separately to her Birthday and Christmas asking her how to make amends with her. Ask her if you have said or done anything that has upset her and if so what are they and how can you both make amends and reconcile the sibling friendship.

I will pray about how to do this. I know she has a lot of resentments toward me. I did write her a couple of years ago to say that if she wanted to tell me about any issues or hurt feelings she had toward me, that I would listen and try to change. She didn’t take me up on it, but I will see if I can gear up psychologically to offer again.

If possible set up a meeting at a quiet cafe, offer to pay (if she can not afford this) and allow her to voice her feelings. Acknowledge her feelings. Apologise to her for any wrong doings on your part. Don’t place blame. Allow time for your sibling to digest the re=connection and go from there.

She lives out of state, so we couldn’t do coffee, but maybe something online. The problem is that I want to like her and have a relationship, but I don’t like her, and I don’t trust her, so that’s a tall order lol. I will have a look at those links. Thank you!

You might suggest to your sister that since you don’t have other family, it would be good to keep in touch, just in case something happened, for example.

Yeah, this is one reason why I was calling her every Saturday, because I knew if something happened to her, no one would know. But then she wouldn’t pick up. :woman_shrugging:t4: But that was a couple of years ago, so maybe I should revisit the issue.

 

[Lucy_1]

Well this is weird, I mailed her a card and there was no response, so I looked up her address on Zillow, and her house has a pending offer. She lives in another state, so I googled her for an address, and it looks like she moved a few states away.

I mean, I don’t know why she would tell me, but it’s disorienting to have your only family member move across the country and not tell you

 

[Irishmom2]

I think that is your answer. I wouldn’t bother with her. She knows where you are. Pray for her and hope for the best, but let her go and don’t feel guilty about it.