Handicapped and irratating

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Meggie

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How, as a 22 year old, would you deal with a 32yo somewhat handicapped man who hits on you?
He seems normal but he’s a bit off and ALWAYS looking for a pity plea and hitting on me. I’m quite uncomfortable around him but he goes to my church when I’m at home and my parents, who say he’s just a bit off but completely harmless, laugh. Sometimes my parents even give him a ride.
The guy presents himself as going to break down any minute…but those minutes he’s not wollowing he’s hitting on me, badly!!! I just want to rail into him and tell him to knock it off…but more than an “OK, i get it” drives him into a rail of self pity.

Inside I know he’s harmless…but I can’t help but cringe anywhere near him.
 
Well, a little bit of compassion is a start. We are called to love and I don’t hear a lot of charity in the way you present the situation. Perhaps, talking to your priest would be helpful for you to have a more compassionate view toward this man.
 
ReginaNova said:
Well, a little bit of compassion is a start. We are called to love and I don’t hear a lot of charity in the way you present the situation. Perhaps, talking to your priest would be helpful for you to have a more compassionate view toward this man.
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With all due respect, I don’t think she should have to submit to what essentially amounts to harassment just because we are called to have compassion for the handicapped. If he indeed hits on her every time he sees her and she has put forward that she is not interested, to no avail, I don’t see any reason for her to be anything beyond politely friendly.
 
Be direct with him. When he does it again tell him, “When you speak to me in that way it makes me very uncomfortable. Please don’t do it anymore.” End of discussion. Don’t let him drag you into a discussion of it. If he starts to hem and haw just repeat the above statement. You said he is a little handicapped not mentally challenged, right? He won’t have any trouble understanding this. Be sure and include him in your prayers as it sounds like he needs it!
 
SeekerJen said:
With all due respect, I don’t think she should have to submit to what essentially amounts to harassment just because we are called to have compassion for the handicapped. If he indeed hits on her every time he sees her and she has put forward that she is not interested, to no avail, I don’t see any reason for her to be anything beyond politely friendly.
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**I would go one step farther if he doesn’t “get it”. Totally healthy men don’t take subtle hints very well, they need us to be direct. So if this man is a little “off” then he may need that directness even more. **
Try being blunt. Tell him that, while you are flattered that he is interested in you, that you don’t feel the same and would appreciate if he would stop “hitting on you” because it makes you uncomfortable. If he goes off into a pity party then let him party alone…just walk away.
** Handicapped people deserve to be treated with respect but that does not mean that we need to take any harrassment or abuse from them. I used to work with a man who “milked” that ideal and thought he could be vulgar and rude just because he was handicapped.**
malia
 
mentally handicapped…I know he dosn’t drive, and he has a hard time holding down a simple job and lives with a roomate who helps him with some things.

I do have compassion and understaind for alot of the mentally handicapped. Those who I work with in my cafeteria job I love and respect for who they are are despite the fact that some nights they make my job harder.

The only think about this guy is the feelings…he presents himself as very depressed, and like anything could push him over.

My parents offer no advice becusae they find it amusing, and even more when they saw what was going on. However my dad’s response was that “I get you don’t like it, but you have to look at it with humor, beucsae its like a sitcom! People pay money for bad entertainment this good!”🤷

I guess an “I don’t like you doing that” will be most apropriate.
 
I don’t care if someone is disabled, harassment is harassment. Unless the person is mentally disabled, he should know that he should not be hitting on someone to the point of distraction and discomfort. Tell him you are not interested, and if he continues, then speak to someone in authority about it.

~Liza
 
ha, sorry I just had to laugh! I’ve had similar problems before…for some reason mentally handicapped (what’s the PC word?) guys are drawn to me! I don’t even look handicapped, except for my hearing aids. Thankfully, I don’t have to see them very often, for the “hitting on me” reasons. I’d like to point out that I’m kind to them, and try my best not to let the “outside” influence my perception of the “inside”. It’s just that perhaps my kindness is what attracts them :rolleyes:

You can be persistent. Perhaps you can try it gradually, at first saying “Please stop that, it makes me uncomforatble” at first (in front of your parents, if you can), then if he still persists, definitely be more blunt. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself; hopefully he’ll respect you for that. Also consider that perhaps he hits on you because he knows you don’t like it and wants to annoy you?) So by standing up for yourself you’ll be ending this one way or another, and good luck!

Note: You are still obliged to be cordial to him, much like you would for anyone else that your parents also know.
 
I have experiance working with individuals with special needs, and have had a similar experiance to yours. Be direct and make yourself unavalible. As in say that you are dating, engaged, married… even if you are single. It may deter him, especially if he is able to understand that people can only date one person at a time. I know in my case inventing a boyfriend stopped him from hitting on me. If that doesn’t work, go to a different mass while you are at home if you know which mass he goes to, if not you may want to consider going to another church. You shouldn’t have to be harassed.
 
sasafr said:
I have experiance working with individuals with special needs, and have had a similar experiance to yours. Be direct and make yourself unavalible. As in say that you are dating, engaged, married… even if you are single. It may deter him, especially if he is able to understand that people can only date one person at a time. I know in my case inventing a boyfriend stopped him from hitting on me. If that doesn’t work, go to a different mass while you are at home if you know which mass he goes to, if not you may want to consider going to another church. You shouldn’t have to be harassed.
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I wouldn’t suggest lying. There are more important reasons not to lie but in this case it could be discovered.

To the OP, in addition to telling him you don’t like it, you could also mention women (or people) in general do not like to be pursued so relentlessly. Doing so is going above and beyond but if his social skills are that bad you could be doing him and his next conquest a huge favor.

On the other hand engaging him beyond the main message could draw you in and the less said the better but it’s helpful to have something in your back pocket if he gets chatty with you.
 
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