Has anyone read "Life Giving Love?"/NFP

[Cathyd241]

I am a happily married woman with two adult daughters. For years my husband and I practiced birth control because he didn’t want any more children, and financially it would’ve been very difficult. Over the past 5 years, I have been growing more spiritually and developing a closer relationship with God. The birth control thing has been a burden I have been dealing with, and so we decided to try NFP instead. After almost 3 successful years with NFP, I got a little careless tracking my cycle and we got pregnant last summer. Although initially a shock, my husband and I became excited at the prospect of starting again. Unfortunately, our hopes and dreams came crashing down when our baby was diagnosed with a chromosome disorder; she died in utero at 38 weeks gestation. After we learned of the diagnosis, a friend gave me the Kimberly Hahn book called “Life Giving Love”. The entire book focuses on God’s desire for us to procreate, and how we should stop trying to control our situation and to trust in His plan for us.
I just can’t seem to get this book out of my mind. It’s been 6 months since we lost our little girl, and my husband and I have been thinking about trying to conceive again. For me, part of it is to fill the void that was left in not being able to experience the joy of raising the daughter I lost. Part of it is because my desire to have more children has resurfaced since all of this happened. And part of it is because of this book, which keeps playing over and over in my head. Am I supposed to just not try to prevent getting pregnant, and let God’s plan take over? Supposedly, NFP should be used for “grave situations” only, which I am definitely not clear about. We still have financial considerations to think about, and now aging parents to care for as well. I am 39 now, my husband 47. Should we just keep “letting nature take it’s course”? My husband could still be fathering children well into his 50’s! I’m so confused…this book has really messed with my head! Just wondering what others think about it.

 

[Scottgun]

That Hahn book is excellent. Especially when she relates how a woman working at a clinic noticed how moms were not all that upset that their teen daughter had gotten pregnant. She mused that perhaps the problem of teen pregnancy is really a case of daughters having the children their parents refused to have.

 

[1ke]

Yes, I’ve read the book. It is very good.

The criteria is not “grave” reasons, it is “just reasons”-- and just reasons are determined by prayer between the couple. It’s not wrong to space your family for a just reason. We are not required to be Providentialists.

However, if you both feel a desire to try to conceive, then go for it.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…I’m so confused…this book has really messed with my head! Just wondering what others think about it.

Cathy, my prayers for you and your husband on the loss of your baby.

I think Kimberly Hahn presents the Catholic Church teachings in such a beautiful way, reminding us that children are blessings from the Lord. She approaches the whole subject of NFP and the Church teachings in that light. It made much sense to me when I read it. I found the chapter in the book about miscarriage particularly comforting after my miscarriage. This book, (along with my miscarriage, along with numerous other events over the course of several years) helped open my heart to accepting children lovingly from the Lord.

As far as the “grave reason”, the Church has not defined what constitutes “grave” (or “just” or whatever Latin translation one wants to use), but leaves it up to individual couples to discern. This is something that you and your husband should discern together, and you can do it one potential pregnancy at a time. In the light that children are blessings, couples may still decide that the Lord is calling them to avoid pregnancy for some reason. But viewing children as desirable blessings from the Lord helps keep hearts open to more children and helps make sure that the reasons for using NFP aren’t trivial. As you say both you and your husband are thinking about trying for another baby, I encourage you to pray about this and listen to what God is telling you in your hearts.

God bless you.

 

[Jennifer123]

That Hahn book is excellent. Especially when she relates how a woman working at a clinic noticed how moms were not all that upset that their teen daughter had gotten pregnant. She mused that perhaps the problem of teen pregnancy is really a case of daughters having the children their parents refused to have.

Just as an aside (I too have read this book, it’s great) but it made me realize how I have never met any woman who was regretful about having more children, and how I’ve heard on many occasions from women who have limited their families that they wish they always had more.