I know that I need to focus on my marriage. We have a good marriage by most standards. But I want my marriage to be all that God intended it to be. I know the improvement starts with me…with me focusing on my husband and with me giving more of myself (and dying to self). I was wondering about the Love Dare book and whether it might be a good start. I would assume that focusing on one’s loved one for 40 days in a Chrsitian way, would be a start in the right direction. Any thoughts?
Second Question: I was wanting to try the book myself, first and then decide the following…but time is of the essence. Would this be a good gift for a troubled marraige? In the case of a troubled-marriage who should use the book? The one causing the “trouble” or the “troubled” one. Whom would I buy the book for and encourgae them to try it…before they decide on divorce…which is where they are headed. I thought the trouble-maker might not care to try the book. And the troubled-one might feel too exhausted to try one other thing.
Any thoughts on either or both questions?
Several years ago my wife confessed to me “she loved me, but wasn’t ‘in’ love with me”. I was initially devastated and immediately went into “fix it” mode. We watched the movie “Fireproof” together on which the book is based. We both decided to do the 40 day Love Dare challenge. I dove in with gusto! My wife started, but around day 20-ish, the challenge starts to force you to look at yourself, your relationship with God and your spouse. That’s where my wife stopped. She kept the diary entries and wrote things like “this is too religous” and “I don’t feel like doing this”
With all that said, it forced me to really look at how I was as a husband, father and my priorities, particularly with God. It was my initial introduction into the path I needed to take in order to help my wife. I realized the Lord was not my first priority and until I fixed that, nothing was going to get better.
Fast forward many years later…my wife still struggles in our marriage. Me, not so much. I have found my way back home again. I am a cradle Catholic, but had lost my way back sometime. Had my wife not told me those words, I might be miserable still. Her confession started me on the path to follow Christ again. I also understand the baggage my wife carries from watching an emotional and verbally abusive marriage (her parents while she was growing up). So I have far more patience with her. I keep God central to our marriage, even though my wife struggles with it (her first priority is the kids). It offers me teaching moments with the kids to help them see the priority to be successful in marriage as God, spouse, children.
So I guess the short answer is I like the Love Dare, albeit not Catholic, it is far better than the tons of secular garbage out there (which I have read plenty as well!). The challenge in giving the book to a couple in a troubled marriage is how committed are either or both to fixing the marriage? I learned the hard way dragging my wife around to counselors, priests, asked her to read books…all for nothing. She does not want to be told to do something (back to watching her father constantly tell her mother what to do and then berate her for doing it “wrong”) and fights it with every fiber of her being.
But what the book help me learn was the joy in sacrific and forgiveness. That I can choose to be miserable, or love my wife with all my heart and help her see that by having the Lord as my first priority, the joy He gives us every day.
Hope that helps. PM me if you have more questions. God bless!
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