Has God made it impossible for me to become a religious?

[JeannetteCML]

This is a very important question for me. So if anyone can direct me toward a better place of asking it I would be very appreciative.

I am 28 years old and I have a bachelors and masters degree in theology. I started to think of religious life during my second year in college when I changed majors from chemical engineering to theology. I considered dropping out of college at that time because I was required by my parents to pay the entirety of my tuition and I knew I would have to pay off my debts before entering a religious order. But I had I strong desire to be a knowledgeable evangelist and well-informed of my faith, so I decided to continue on with college. During my graduate degree program in 2004/05 I had a bout of insomnia which resulted in me being hospitalized and diagnosed, correctly or not, with schizoaffective disorder. So I am not $40,000 in debt and “officially” have a mental illness. These two things make it impossible for me to become a nun. Or so I am sadly convinced. I would be happy to hear any other opinions.

I the mean time I am totally at a loss of what to do with the rest of my life. Right now I am reading religious books and going to daily Mass, but I work at a grocery store and live with my parents. I am extremely quiet and reserved and do not feel there is a proper place for me in the world. I am very decided that I want to remain a virgin. But recently now, I am even struggling in my faith. So I do not feel I have any right to serve the Church even in any lay ministerial capacity. I am in need of further conversion… but this idea of religious life has still not losened its hold on me. If anyone has any words of encouragement or direction I would greatly appreciate it. I have not seriously looked into any orders or types of religious life because I feel the door is closed to me. I am truly stuck.

 

[nunsense]

This is a very important question for me. So if anyone can direct me toward a better place of asking it I would be very appreciative.

I am 28 years old and I have a bachelors and masters degree in theology. I started to think of religious life during my second year in college when I changed majors from chemical engineering to theology. I considered dropping out of college at that time because I was required by my parents to pay the entirety of my tuition and I knew I would have to pay off my debts before entering a religious order. But I had I strong desire to be a knowledgeable evangelist and well-informed of my faith, so I decided to continue on with college. During my graduate degree program in 2004/05 I had a bout of insomnia which resulted in me being hospitalized and diagnosed, correctly or not, with schizoaffective disorder. So I am not $40,000 in debt and “officially” have a mental illness. These two things make it impossible for me to become a nun. Or so I am sadly convinced. I would be happy to hear any other opinions.

I the mean time I am totally at a loss of what to do with the rest of my life. Right now I am reading religious books and going to daily Mass, but I work at a grocery store and live with my parents. I am extremely quiet and reserved and do not feel there is a proper place for me in the world. I am very decided that I want to remain a virgin. But recently now, I am even struggling in my faith. So I do not feel I have any right to serve the Church even in any lay ministerial capacity. I am in need of further conversion… but this idea of religious life has still not losened its hold on me. If anyone has any words of encouragement or direction I would greatly appreciate it. I have not seriously looked into any orders or types of religious life because I feel the door is closed to me. I am truly stuck.

Before you worry too much about whether or not you will ever be able to become a nun - you need to spend a little time on your faith, especially if you are having problems with it right now. Becoming a religious will not solve any faith problems you have - in fact if you decide to leave religious life for any reason after entering, and your faith is shaky, then you are more likely to leave both the community and your faith! So spend time in prayer and with a spiritual director until you know that you are not only in love with Jesus, but also with His Church.

You have been given an incredible gift though, which is something you should appreciate - you have remained a virgin and obviously this is something you feel good about. This offers you the possibility of perhaps becoming a consecrated virgin - you could discuss this with your Bishop. I don’t see how your diagnosis would have any impact on wanting to become a consecrated virgin.

Finally, when you are feeling stronger in your faith, then take the whole problem to Jesus in prayer and ask for His guidance. There may be solutions to your problem - either the possibility of a re-diagnosis and paperwork to prove this - or even finding a community where your story is understood and accepted. This could take years, but in the meantime you will be growing in faith and trust.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Marsha_Adams]

What sort of vocation do you have? Active, contemplative, cloister? If your calling is more to a life of hidden prayer, some orders like the Cistercians and the Discalced Carmelites have a lay order. Until your finances are repaired and your health better, you enter a lay community of prayer. It would give you a degree of social interaction, help establish your faith, provide you with a spiritual director and encourage you in your journey. You wouldn’t feel so alone.

 

[brother_sun]

Hello Jeannette,

I too have a mental illness and have wanted to join an order for some time and have been turned away by several different orders. I spent about a month in a Trappist Monastery but was later turned away. I have had college debt also. So I know exactly how you feel. I didn’t finish college because that is when I found out I had a mental illness. I have been stable on meds for three years and have been working with the profoundly handicaped. I think its very important to talk to your local Priest and tell him how you feel because there are other ways like conscecrated seculars and Diocesan Hermit and Third Orders. Your Priest is very important if you show him over the years that you are stable and you really do have a call then he will be behind you. I have been talking to my priest and he is behind me 100 percent. So don’t be discouraged, always HOPE… I believe one day you will find your window… When all the doors are closed God opens a window. Look out for that window!

Your brother in Christ,

“When you are what you should be, you will set the world on fire!” --Saint Catherine of Siena

 

[grandfather]

. But I had I strong desire to be a knowledgeable evangelist and well-informed of my faith, so I decided to continue on with college.

That is a holy desire.

and diagnosed, correctly or not, with schizoaffective disorder. So I am not $40,000 in debt and “officially” have a mental illness.

\

That is not sinful.

These two things make it impossible for me to become a nun. Or so I am sadly convinced. I would be happy to hear any other opinions.

Maybe maybe not. It could be temporary. There may be a place for you. Even if you do not take vows you could work in a convent, retirement home for nuns, or other such place.

I the mean time I am totally at a loss of what to do with the rest of my life.

Be holy! Love God. Pray. Care for others.

Right now I am reading religious books and going to daily Mass, but I work at a grocery store and live with my parents.

That is all very honorable. You can be a blessing to your cutomoers and parents.

I am extremely quiet and reserved and do not feel there is a proper place for me in the world.

You are not alone.

I am very decided that I want to remain a virgin.

Another holy desire.

But recently now, I am even struggling in my faith. So I do not feel I have any right to serve the Church even in any lay ministerial capacity.

Do not listen to the devil. Jesus loves you and in fact needs you. He made you as you are out of nothing but love. You are His perfect creation. He loves you more than you can know. He embraces you in any disability you have. You have a place in heaven. It is made for you alone.

I am in need of further conversion

…

You do not know a single soul who is ot in need of further conversion.

but this idea of religious life has still not losened its hold on me. If anyone has any words of encouragement or direction I would greatly appreciate it. I have not seriously looked into any orders or types of religious life because I feel the door is closed to me. I am truly stuck.

Relax about it. Obey Jesus. He commands us to be anxious over nothing. Be at peace. You are His beloved wherever you are. Nothing can separate you from His love.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Dear Jeannette…Do not give up and keep on searching for a religious order that might accept you as long as you are drawn ing that direction.
And rather than thinking of anything as God preventing you from doing a certain thing, ask The Lord what indeed He is actually asking of you and it will begin to clarify as and when The Lord needs it to clarify for you - perhaps He has some other place He needs you to be. It is a shift of attitude and perspective from one viewpoint on your situation to another… Blessings - Barb

 

[Joannm]

Since you have degrees in theology, why not try to get a postion in a parish where your education can come into good use. There you will be able to use your knowledge and also, if properly controlled with meds, prove that your disability will not adversly affect entering into religious life and ministry. Just a thought. BTW I know quite a few people with clinical psychological disabilities who are in full time ministry, including two priests.