hatred at home

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Monica4316

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I find that there’s much hatred in my family. It’s very strong and no one hides it or tries to fight it. It’s a hatred for each other… I almost feel suffocated when I’m at home. However I love my family and I don’t want to just leave… my plan was to be a good example of a Catholic, but I’m getting very discouraged. How can anyone continue to follow God and remain joyful and peaceful in this situation? Is it a sin to complain to God or to be upset? I’m also very worried for their salvation and that adds to the burden, but I don’t want to judge anyone’s souls, it’s quite possible that I’m further from Heaven than my family is. (in fact, I think that is the case). Does anyone here struggle with the same thing?
 
Being upset is part of the human condition,and emotions, by themselves, are not sinful. I’m sure that St. Maximillian Kolbe was appalled, disturbed and filled with a seething anger at his fellow Germans for what they were committing in Auschwitz. However, he did not allow this emotion to lead him to sinful acts. Instead, he took it upon himself to translate that anger and disturbance into the final act of charity that cost him his life – taking the place of a fellow inmate who was sentenced to be among a group of 10 ordered starved to death in retaliation for the recent escape of another prisoner. He ministered to the other nine condemned, keeping their spirits alive through prayer and song, even as they were dying – by the grace of God, he survived so long that the Nazis had to finally murder him through poison.
He loved his fellow men so much as to give up his life to allow another even the barest chance of walking out of that unmitigitated hell alive.

As for your being “far from heaven” – you love your family enough to be torn by the thought of leaving them. I can’t see God punishing you for that. You’re acting out of love for them – out of a desire to see them stop tearing themselves apart through hatred. Remember the Beatitudes: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called Children of God.”
 
First of all you should have no doubt about “how far” you are from heaven. If so, then go often to Confession, this should remove any and all doubts.

It is not a sin to complain to God nor to be upset. God knows what is in our hearts and we shouldn’t try to hide from Him the way we really feel. Let Him know!

Be the best person you can be. Try not to get upset with your family and, if you do anyway, go back and ask their forgiveness.

Don’t preach to your family. Don’t complain to them or nag them. Live life the way you know if should be lived. Your actions and reactions to them will show them what it’s like to be saved, to be Catholic.

Pray for them, and for yourself, and I’ll pray for you as well.
 
Hi Monica-

Yes. I struggle with the same thing. I don’t know if my situation is as pervasive as yours.
But, my family is now struggling with ugly anger and hatred.

It can be very traumatic when your told how much you are hated for all the pain you have caused.

I have prayed that God take this cup from me but if it is His will, then I accept it with gratitude. I pray for my family salvation too. I often reflect on specific Gospel passages where healing and salvation took a very long time. The cripple who waited 38 years by the pool 'til Jesus appeared in his life. I pray for Mary, the Mother of God to intercede for me with her Son. She truly understands suffering.

I fully appreciate how difficult it can be to respond with love in the face of hatred and misunderstanding. But, honestly, this is the ONLY way we can respond.

I also am making an effort to get to daily Mass more frequently as well as getting to confession once per month. I have found great great comfort in the sacraments.

As far as being far from heaven (more so than members of your family)… we are ALL sinners. We must remember to ask God for His Mercy for we are poor sinners.

I will pray for you and your family.
 
… my plan was to be a good example of a Catholic, but I’m getting very discouraged. How can anyone continue to follow God and remain joyful and peaceful in this situation?
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I think that’s a good plan! I say stick to it 👍 To answer your question: remember this Beatitude: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”. Take heart in Jesus’ words and know you have a great reward waiting for you (granted you make it to Heaven).
Is it a sin to complain to God or to be upset?
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To be upset, no, though I would try to work on that. Try, try, try (and pray, pray, pray). I couldn’t answer about complaining to God. I don’t know that one :-/
I’m also very worried for their salvation and that adds to the burden, but I don’t want to judge anyone’s souls, it’s quite possible that I’m further from Heaven than my family is. (in fact, I think that is the case). Does anyone here struggle with the same thing?
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I feel that way about my family as well. They’re not at all religious so I have serious concerns they will wind up in hell. But, like you said, I am not the one to judge them.God is.

I also have hatred in my home. My grandmother lives with us (mom’s mom) and she hates my father so arguments flare up all the time. She also a little mental so she can have temper problems which makes everything so much worse. I think it’s had such an impact on my life that my mom is sad that I never had a great childhood (or the one she wanted for me anyway). So yes, there is much hatred. I pray for them because that’s as much as I can really do. Hopefully God will hear and make something happen, but His will be done, not mine.

Take care,
coolduude
 
Hi Monica,

my family also has massive problems. And it’s always been like that - hatred, arguments, lies, betrayal, backstabbing…you name it-we’ve had it. I’ve suffered a lot as a child and a young adult as a consequence of such crazy relationships. I now have a family of my own and have realised that with some people i will never have a good relationship. I still care for them and pray for them but don’t seek too much contact.

Maybe we just have to come to a realisation that we can’t control how other people behave and can only try to do our best to be good daugthters/sisters/mothers.
Keep praying and try not to get too emotionally involved with the drama. Keep your sanity. 👍
 
**Jesus taught us; “Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mt 9:13)

Sounds like you have a large Cross to bear!

"And he said to all, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (LK 9:23)**

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark
 
Thank you for the replies everyone: hug1:

so today has been horrible… my parents had a huge fight. I can’t even describe it… they were completely taken over by hatred and anger. I don’t want to go into details… I couldn’t even recognize them. 😦 I’m sorry I’m saying all this on the internet but I don’t want to tell anyone I know about this.

Well I literally ran away to church… and I haven’t been back home since. I’m in the library right now. At church, I felt better because of the Mass and there were all these children who were having their first Communion, and everyone was so joyful and dressed up… it cheered me up to see them but it also made me very sad for my family. I felt like the complete opposite of people there… they were all smiling, together with their families, taking pictures, dressed in pastel colours, etc… I was sitting there alone, feeling very far from God, because I’m going through a spiritual trial and have to endure many temptations, and my family is falling apart. I didn’t even look like I belonged, dressed in my old black sweatshirt - the only thing I could think of to put on this morning. Mostly I felt sad about what happened at home, but I missed Jesus so much. I wasn’t able to receive Him because of my sins 😦 but He was very kind to me and comforted me as I prayed after the Mass. I want to be with Him so much.

My heart is breaking for my family…they are so consumed by hatred, and they blame each other for this… I’ve been praying so much that they would come to church, receive the Sacraments… but they don’t want to go to church together. I know it’s wrong to judge people so I try to not judge their souls, but I keep on thinking, what if they won’t go to Heaven? this is my worst fear… And then I imagine them fighting like this for all eternity… why does it have to be like this? 😦 I keep on praying for a miracle… I asked St Padre Pio to do something because I know he’s helped people in really miraculous ways. During Mass, I felt so strongly that what they need is healing from God… they need to experience His love so that it will heal their hearts. Especially my mom… because she’s gone through so much in her life and I can understand why it is difficult for her. But I hope that Jesus would heal her spiritually and emotionally.

I love my family a lot and it really hurts to see them destroying themselves and each other. There’s so much more but I can’t tell it to anyone except Jesus.

😦 if anyone could join me in praying for my family, I’d really appreciate that a lot.

Thank you, God bless
 
Monica4316 said:
I find that there’s much hatred in my family. It’s very strong and no one hides it or tries to fight it. It’s a hatred for each other… I almost feel suffocated when I’m at home. However I love my family and I don’t want to just leave… my plan was to be a good example of a Catholic, but I’m getting very discouraged. How can anyone continue to follow God and remain joyful and peaceful in this situation? Is it a sin to complain to God or to be upset? I’m also very worried for their salvation and that adds to the burden, but I don’t want to judge anyone’s souls, it’s quite possible that I’m further from Heaven than my family is. (in fact, I think that is the case). Does anyone here struggle with the same thing?
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Jesus came from the purity of heaven to the sinfulness of the unredeemed and sinful earth. He endured it for 33 years, and was even tortured and “killed” by it.

Through it all, it was his example that led the way. It was his example that gave strength to his teaching. Many were converted during his ministry and many did not convert until after the ascention. We cannot do any more than to be examples of Christ. We cannot do any more than be a good sower. We cannot account for the ground upon which the good seed falls.

Try to remember that and "preach the gospel always and when necessary, use words. (St Francis of Asissi.)

Peace
James
 
Dear Monica

I’ve had my fair share of problems all over the place and this prayer may help dear friend-

St. Theresa of Avilas most popularly known writing is a brief poem is known as her “Bookmark”, because it was found in her prayer book after her death in 1582. It has been variously translated into English, and has been very widely circulated.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

God bless you:thumbsup:🙂

John
 
John_Russell_Jr said:
Dear Monica

I’ve had my fair share of problems all over the place and this prayer may help dear friend-

St. Theresa of Avilas most popularly known writing is a brief poem is known as her “Bookmark”, because it was found in her prayer book after her death in 1582. It has been variously translated into English, and has been very widely circulated.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

God bless you:thumbsup:🙂

John
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Wonderful.
I’ll give the “American English” version that I’ve known all of my life.

**Let nothing disturb thee.
Let nothing affright thee.
All things pass away.
God Alone is changeless. **

Very comforting.

Also from Teresa of Avila and her prayerful complaint to God:
Once when traveling from convent to convent during the years of her great reform of Carmel, Teresa was in a carriage that overturned. It is reported that she looked up to heaven and said this: “Dear Lord, if this is how You treat Your friends, no wonder You have so few.”
 
catharina said:
Wonderful.
I’ll give the “American English” version that I’ve known all of my life.

Let nothing disturb thee.
Let nothing affright thee.
All things pass away.
**God Alone is changeless. **

Very comforting.

Also from Teresa of Avila and her prayerful complaint to God:
Once when traveling from convent to convent during the years of her great reform of Carmel, Teresa was in a carriage that overturned. It is reported that she looked up to heaven and said this: “Dear Lord, if this is how You treat Your friends, no wonder You have so few.”
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Very good dear friend. I think I remember hearing that quote about friends. Very funny. I know how she felt as I’m sure all do.

God bless you:thumbsup:🙂

John
 
Life is short, limit your contacts to holidays, birthdays and special occasions. Yes, keep praying for them. Even Jesus had problems with his family. God is able to bring people accross their path that they may be willing to listen to. My family will not listen to me, but if my wife tells them something, it is gospel.

Your love for God should seem like hate for your family,

Luke 14:26
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.

Luke 8:19-21
Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. And he was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you.” But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.”
 
Monica4316,
I will definitely pray for you. I grew up in an angry household, and it really takes an emotion toll. The Psalms are my comfort now. Try Psalm 91.
From Jeremiah 29 NAB
11. For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.
12. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.
13.When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart,
14. you will find me with you, says the LORD, and I will change your lot; I will gather you together from all the nations and all the places to which I have banished you, says the LORD, and bring you back to the place from which I have exiled you.
Godspeed on your journey
 
Dearest Monica,
sorry to hear about your families troubles at home. But there is something you can do - ask Jesus to help you consecrate your family to Him-
I’m assuming that your family will not agree at this time to do these prayers with you - fear not, do them alone if you must. Every year, you can renew the consecration, and then will be another opportunity to ask family to join you.

here are the prayers - free and online link - familyland.be/family_consecration/introduction-to-consecration-to-the-holy-family.html
 
Big_Dummy said:
Life is short, limit your contacts to holidays, birthdays and special occasions. Yes, keep praying for them. Even Jesus had problems with his family. God is able to bring people accross their path that they may be willing to listen to. My family will not listen to me, but if my wife tells them something, it is gospel.

Your love for God should seem like hate for your family,

Luke 14:26
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.

Luke 8:19-21
Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. And he was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you.” But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.”
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Though I’m sure you don’t mean to cause confusion, this is an incorrect interpretation, and could lead a troubled soul astray.

The word they used for ‘hate’ actually means ‘to love less,’ not hate as we know it. Look to the wonderful homilies of Fr. Mitch Pacwa, learned in such matters.

I wouldn’t exactly see those passages as Jesus having trouble with His ‘family.’ But in a sense we are all His family.

Monica, I’m prayin’ for ya! :signofcross:
 
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