Have I committed a serious sin?

[Catholicwoman]

Hi I just needed a bit of advice, I don’t know it this is sinning or not. My last confession was a week ago today, it went great I gave an honest confession and I think even the priest knew I really wanted to give the best I could as he told me I could ‘stop torturing yourself now’ over previous sins. A few days later I started having intrusive thoughts (I have OCD and it can be quite bad and have often suffered from intrusive thoughts) but this time physical reactions came with it that I did not and do not want. Its been absolutely awful, I started a new medication a few weeks ago (after having stopped it over a year ago) and put it down to my anxiety except the medication is supposed to suppress physical reactions in people, so I assumed I was having an adverse reaction to it. So I stopped the medication a few days ago and initially I thought it was better but today has been terrible.

I keep having like flash images, and physical reactions to them completely inappropriate and believe me, I really don’t want them. I am not choosing to have them!!

Most of the time there isn’t even an image with it its mostly the fear of the idea of these thoughts but rarely there has been a flash image into my mind. I don’t want these thoughts or these feelings I am in a point in my life where I want desperately to live a chaste lifestyle and love Jesus with a contrite heart. Commonly there is little warning but more of an ‘OCD fear’ its just, if it were just thoughts I would understand its just my OCD I’m really upset and don’t want to give in to the thought/feelings and its really complicated to understand. Some of the thoughts horrify me or sometimes its just an explicit image that flashes into my head (and other times its just the fear of such an image)

Have I committed a sin?? I’m trying my best and despite the mental and physical reactions I don’t want to act on them and do my best not to encourage them, the only time that I even had a doubt was when I was shifting around trying to stop the physical feelings I had and had a fleeting thought that maybe it would be easier to give in (the movement I was making made the sensation worse and I did it again but I was honestly trying to stop the feeling but I had the doubt before I repeated the movement) but I would never ever want to commit a mortal sin out of this, it feels like torture to be honest and the feelings make it all the more confusing. I’m in my mid twenties not a teenager and female.

The most important thing to me right now is to stay close to Jesus, I pray everyday and am trying my best to move forward but with this and my OCD its really difficult. I really want to take communion tomorrow and don’t know what to do, its not possible for me to go to confession before then or probably even in the coming weeks

 

[ashleyjames240]

Trust in the Lord and He will lead you on the right path.

John Chapter 3 verse. 1-2 -‘Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you an that you may be goo in health, as it goes well with your soul’.

 

[Drewww]

Hi there.

To put it blankly, you’re very scrupulous. That’s what being scrupulous is - OCD manifested in the faith. There’s more to being scrupulous and I recommend that you look into it; check out Scrupulous Anonymous, a website dedicated to aiding those suffering from this condition through prayer groups and monthly magazines from clergy and parishioners on how to live with this issue. I too suffer from scrupulosity and believe me I know how much it sucks. I know the confusion and the anxiety and the whole package of negative emotions that can come with it and what’s worse - like you said - it creates a lot of doubt when deciding to enter into communion with Christ in the Eucharist, even when making a good confession too.

However, I can’t find any instance of sin - you’ve expressed and emphasized that you do not want these thoughts and I believe you’re doing your best to avoid these thoughts, but I can’t be the judge of your heart. I too struggle with this issue, so I am with you and empathetic. Thoughts themselves are not sinful, it’s when you DECIDE to take pleasure in them. A bird, thoughts, can land on your head and we don’t have control over that. But we can prevent it from making a nest on our heads. I emphasize that you trust in God’s mercy and judgement, if you absolutely are trying your best to live a life grounded in His love and keeping his commandments and tradition, you’ll be fine. Remember He is Love, not a taskmaster holding a clipboard checking off and remembering us for what sins we’ve committed.

When you have these attacks of thoughts. Do not panic, but be calm and acknowledge these thoughts. I found that the more I try to fight it, even with fervent prayer, the thoughts still intensify. I’m not saying not to continue praying on the matter because prayer is beautiful and absolutely works wonders. But to also accept that you have these thoughts, and ignore them in a calm manner. God is Love and He would never leave you astray, especially when you’re doing your best to live His image. God bless!

 

[exnihilo]

Some of the thoughts horrify me or sometimes its just an explicit image that flashes into my head (and other times its just the fear of such an image)

The fact the thought is horrify you is great evidence that you aren’t entertaining the thoughts.

When you have these attacks of thoughts. Do not panic, but be calm and acknowledge these thoughts. I found that the more I try to fight it, even with fervent prayer, the thoughts still intensify. I’m not saying not to continue praying on the matter because prayer is beautiful and absolutely works wonders. But to also accept that you have these thoughts, and ignore them in a calm manner. God is Love and He would never leave you astray, especially when you’re doing your best to live His image. God bless!

I have a problem with anxiety, a little OCD, and some scrupulousity. What you say is spot on. When negative thoughts about whatever come into your mind fighting them is the worst thing to do. You have to stay calm. Acknowledge the thought. Don’t try to run from it. It will chase you. In my experience not being calm would include furiously trying to pray. Staying calm and confronting the thought and then dismissing it takes away its power.

If you could even laugh at the thought that would be good. A horrible thought isn’t funny. But if you can laugh at the idea such an outrageous thought is trying to get you it takes away its power.

 

[MD3]

Oh, sweetie.

Some things we are simply incapable of overcoming on our own. It is not a fault; it’s our human state (concupiscence).

Please trust me on this one: Ask the Blessed Mother to help you. She will!

You obviously have a contrite heart and are determined to change. Your desire to return your free will back to God for the benefit of His will for your life mirrors Mary’s fiat, and both she and her Son will be happy to help you achieve your desire for change.

God bless you. Don’t despair. You will soon look back on this time and begin your lifetime of thankfulness for the Blessed Mother’s intervention.

 

[MD3]

P.S. Every time such a thought enters your mind, or when you notice you’re fearing such thoughts, pray, “Jesus. Will you please handle this for me?” and train yourself to try to think of something entirely different–something you’re looking forward to, perhaps; thinking of a project you have going; thinking of a loved one. And if you’re able, busy yourself with something that is positive and distracting. Before too long, you will realize that your prayers have been answered, and the temptations (and, therefore, necessity to distract yourself from them) will not even affect you.

 

[teresa63]

Temptation is not a sin; only acting upon it is.
Remember that Jesus Himself was tempted by Satan in the desert.
Try saying “No” and praying in the name of Jesus Christ whenever it happens.

 

[stuartbrianhenlis]

Hi!

You said that you stopped taking your meds. Did you do that at the recommendation of your doctor, or on your own? Quitting meds (especially for people with severe psychiatric disorders) is a risky and dangerous practice! Do yourself a service and contact your doctor and tell him about what’s going on! He could prescribe a different med without negative side effects.

I wish you well!

Stuart