Have trouble making the right choice, help

[AnneTeresa]

I’m a little embarrassed to post this but I am so worried and anxious about it. I have to do something hard that will bring me out of a sinful state. But I keep going back and forth, back and forth on it. One day I think I will do this, the next day I have all kinds of doubts–is this really a sin?, would God not really understand?, etc.

In my heart I think I know the right thing to do (at least for a while), but then I get confused again and am not sure. I also don’t think I have enough repentance or sorrow which worries me. How can I confess something I don’t really feel bad about? I would just be doing this out of obedience to the catholic church (which I guess is God), not really believing in my heart it is a sin, or at least not sure about it.

I don’t know what I’m asking for, but I pray about this and am clear for a while and then the next day all cloudy again. Any help is appreciated.

 

[crystal_waters]

I’m a little embarrassed to post this but I am so worried and anxious about it. I have to do something hard that will bring me out of a sinful state. But I keep going back and forth, back and forth on it. One day I think I will do this, the next day I have all kinds of doubts–is this really a sin?, would God not really understand?, etc.

In my heart I think I know the right thing to do (at least for a while), but then I get confused again and am not sure. I also don’t think I have enough repentance or sorrow which worries me. How can I confess something I don’t really feel bad about? I would just be doing this out of obedience to the catholic church (which I guess is God), not really believing in my heart it is a sin, or at least not sure about it.

I don’t know what I’m asking for, but I pray about this and am clear for a while and then the next day all cloudy again. Any help is appreciated.

you kind of sound conflicted…maybe talking with a priest for advice would help you?

also try praying for the holy souls in purgatory and ask for their prayer and intercession for what ever grace it is that you need to help you…

check out this site of how the holy souls in purgatory are helping others who turn to them
missionbell.homestead.com/Afavourgrantedbytheholysouls.html

 

[AnneTeresa]

Thanks, I should have said I have talked to a priest. Two in fact.

 

[vsedriver]

Thanks, I should have said I have talked to a priest. Two in fact.

is it a case that you did not understand what they told you or a case where you don’t want to accept their answer?

You need definite clarity in order to make a decision. The fact that you are questioning tells me that deep down inside you know you are doing something wrong but don’t really want to acknowledge that you could be doing something sinful.

So go back to the priest and get very clear information. Don’t hold anything back when you talk to him. He is not going to ‘judge’ you. But he does need to know all about your situation to give you the proper counsel.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Thanks, I did get clear counsel from at least one of them. I think what is confusing me is that I keep going back and forth when I think about it.

 

[Sirach2]

I know there are certain temptations that seem to us to be perfectly lawful, and why would God not allow this because it doesn’t hurt anyone and seems so “right.”

It is holy submission to follow the guidance of the Church, Anne. If we place our feelings or thoughts about a matter that ‘seems’ to be okay, we are not any better than Eve, who thought eating the forbidden apple didn’t seem all that wrong. If God said it; if the Church supports it; then don’t do it. I have a feeling I know the problem you are facing, and I used to think the same way. However, I always felt a tinge of guilt afterwards. Where does that come from, except our conscience?

 

[Katoriku_Rant]

Been there, done that.

The absolute best thing is to find a nice orthodox priest. Yes, if it is spelled out as a sin, it is still a sin, even if you feel otherwise. He will give you straight answers, and will probably be kind about it too. There’s a lot of confusion about sin right now.

From what I understand, if you submit to a teaching of the Church in the confessional, but do not feel sorry for it in the sense that you have an emotional conversion, that is not Perfect Contrition but Imperfect Contrition.

You’re still forgiven either way. I have found that with some things, I have to accept Imperfect Contrition (where I know I’m wrong but don’t feel emotionally sorry about it) and accept that I’ve hurt my relationship with God. So I try to realize that God has forgiven me after Confession, and vow to work harder to really understand what it is that I’ve done to harm my relationship.

It seems odd, but sometimes submission has to come first, and understanding later. When I finally did understand exactly what I had done wrong, and the whys, I was devastated.

This may happen to you, so just don’t get too down on yourself, because that can lead to another can of worms!

Good luck! I hope things go well.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Well, thanks anyway but I have decided I can’t do this. I’m tired of trying to work this out. It’s just too hard. I shouldn’t have to search around trying to find a priest who tells me the right things. I’m worn out from trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong. It’s all gray, one priest even told me that. “Just remember, there is no black and white, everything is gray.” his actual words

 

[Rolypoly]

How unique is your particular situation? Maybe you can search the “Ask an Apologist” section of this website for an answer to your question asked by someone in the past. Or do a similar search on EWTN’s website. They have an FAQ section where various experts will answer questions posed by questioners.

I know it must be difficult trying to locate an orthodox priest. I wish they would all wear sashes that say “I believe everything the Church teaches in both dogma and morals.” Please accept my prayers.

 

[EmeraldWings]

Well, thanks anyway but I have decided I can’t do this. I’m tired of trying to work this out. It’s just too hard. I shouldn’t have to search around trying to find a priest who tells me the right things. I’m worn out from trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong. It’s all gray, one priest even told me that. “Just remember, there is no black and white, everything is gray.” his actual words

Anne, don’t give up, you are not doing bad or failing, you are simply going through a process, you need to be patient with yourself, as God is most certainly being patient with you, and if God is being patient with you, then what are you afraid of?
i know what you are talking about, i’ve been through that myself, and when you are attached to a particular sin, getting out of it tends to be painful, and gradual, you go through fazes, and the reason for that is because, while your soul wants one thing, you body wants another, it is a tug and pull, and it is hard i know, but i also know it will get better, and you will reach a breaking point,
but the one thing you can’t forget is that you can’t do this alone, you need Gods grace to help you at every moment. so pray at every temptation, pray every morning and night, and especially pray the rosary every day,

God is not asking you to change instantly, and He wouldn’t, He knows better than you or anyone else what you need, and He will help you and give you what you need to beat this, but you just have to be patient and take the necessary steps to get there, such as good spiritual reading(the lives and writings of the saints especially), daily prayer regimen, doing penances, practicing mortification, and doing other good works, frequenting the Sacraments,
confession is really what will help you most in overcoming this, and when the church speaks of having sorrow for your sins, they do not mean the feeling, but the regret,
you said here - “How can I confess something I don’t really feel bad about?”
that is where you are mistaken, nowhere in our faith are feelings required, all you need is the intention, or the desire to change, you don’t need to “feel” sorrow, you simply need to regret your sins and have the intention of trying to overcome them. and to regret simply means to say “I wish i didn’t do that” or, “i don’t want to do this”, and for some the regret is stronger than others, but Jesus will forgive them all the same as long as they’re sincere.
there is nothing to be afraid of, we only fall because we are weak, you are not a bad person, i can see that because you are looking for help, even though you feel despaired right now, but that will pass, and you can still continue trying, Just seek Gods help, and you will have all the help you need.

i do have a strong hunch about what sin you are referring to(although i could be wrong), and if you want to PM me about it, i’m sure i could give you much better advice on the subject(advice you can actually use)

alright, that’s all for now, hope this helps, take care.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m a little embarrassed to post this but I am so worried and anxious about it. I have to do something hard that will bring me out of a sinful state. But I keep going back and forth, back and forth on it. One day I think I will do this, the next day I have all kinds of doubts–is this really a sin?, would God not really understand?, etc.

In my heart I think I know the right thing to do (at least for a while), but then I get confused again and am not sure. I also don’t think I have enough repentance or sorrow which worries me. How can I confess something I don’t really feel bad about? I would just be doing this out of obedience to the catholic church (which I guess is God), not really believing in my heart it is a sin, or at least not sure about it.

I don’t know what I’m asking for, but I pray about this and am clear for a while and then the next day all cloudy again. Any help is appreciated.

Well since you don’t want to say what it is that you are struggling with, we can’t help you in that way. But remember that Saint Paul struggled with his natural urge to sin as well - Romans 7:15-25

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

And, Proverbs 16:25 -

There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death.

Do not let your mind confuse you - pray and let God lead you to the truth.