Have you ever been hurt by a devout Christian

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Madaglan

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Hello. I was wondering if you could perhaps help me with something. I am kinda frustrated by what has happened. I try to be a good Christian, and although I am not perfect and am perhaps not the best Catholic, I try to live my faith to its fullest. Well, I’m also single, but I can’t stand it, and I really wish I could get married. The only problem is that I would want to get married to someone who is a devout Christian, even if she be not Catholic, although this is preferable. So far in my life I haven’t met many of these kinds of these girls, but I have met some. The thing that hurts me is that, when I do meet these girls, I notice that we have the same interests and are both devout in our faith, but it’s almost as though they are uninterested in me as being anything more than an acquiatance–many don’t even consider me as a good friend. The ones that do consider me as a good friend are surprisingly not the Catholic girls, but my fundamentalist, Once Saved Always Saved, female friends.

All this seems to kind of hurt me, because I feel like I don’t belong in Catholicism. I know it probably doesn’t make any sense, but it is painfully aware to me. Although I’m going to a Catholic university which is very devout, I am still a bit worried that the majority of girls there will react to me the same way that devout Catholic girls have acted towards me in the past–with indifference, even after I start talking with them as I would to a friend.

I don’t know why, but the majority of girls who have flirted with me in the past are those girls are the “wild” ones who drink and party a lot, but who are still very friendly. I don’t know why this is so. Why can’t there be nice Christian girls who act towards me in this way?
 
Hey man, first of all: you do belong in Catholicism, and no shortage of girls will ever change that! God is calling you to be a great instrument for Him, and probably in the process you will find this woman you are looking for.

Also, hurt and pain are almost inevitable. Even in the most Christian relationship, if it is not meant to be then there will be hurt because we made ourselves vulnerable. However, it is not the end of the line. Don’t be discouraged: “A big shot is a little shot who kept shooting.” You sound like a guy who has his head on straight, so keep up the prayer, perseverance, and patience and God will take care of you.

God bless,
RockAndHoops
 
No Offense but are you sure you know what you want or how to interpret the female species? Good Catholic women would not flirt in the same way as your bad girl flirts. We honor men by letting them make the first move. At least that is the way I have always been. I know this(flirting) is what you have been taught is how women let you know they are interested. I personally always waited for the man to make the first move but gave subtle hints that I was available, like letting that person know if I would be at this function or that event. Leaving it up to them to say that they would like to go or meet me there. What if you got involved in your local parish with some sort of ministry work like volunteering your time with the music program or a prolife ministry? You would be doing a good thing and meeting Catholic women to boot. Just remember it is much preferable to become friends first then date. This would give you that opportunity. My son met his wonderful gf at Fellowship of Christian Athletes. She is not Catholic (yet) but she is a wonderful girl with good morals. They both have done volunteer work at her church and ours and have made some great friends this way. Some of their mutual friends are now dating as a result. Just remember, flirting shouldn’t be full of sexual inuendos or blatent signs that say I am available, they should leave it open to you to decide if you are interested. Don’t be afraid to take a chance with a girl that you think is not interested, she may just be shy or trying to show you she is interested in her own way.
 
BlestOne has a lot of good ideas.

My question: While I can understand why you might want to get married NOW, can you not wait on God’s good timing? Do you have a terminal illness or are you so old that it will be a burden to raise children if you don’t get married NOW???
 
Originally Quoted by OutinChgoburbs:
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BlestOne has a lot of good ideas.

My question: While I can understand why you might want to get married NOW, can you not wait on God’s good timing? Do you have a terminal illness or are you so old that it will be a burden to raise children if you don’t get married NOW???

Well, maybe not get married NOW, but at least have a relationship now. You probably don’t understand, but it’s really emotionally painful, like something is missing from my heart.
 
My dear young man (I have the right to call you that, I am 57 years old 😉 ), I do feel for you. But, I think you are being overly anxious about meeting the right girl which probably comes across in subtle ways that make you seem desperate. Young women find desperate men a turn off because they think there must be something wrong with them. Just be yourself and be friends. When the right girl comes along you’ll both know it–there’s no need to find Miss Right yet. Get to know the girls and let nature take its course instead of trying to hurry things along. And God bless you!
 
Originally Quoted by BlestOne:
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No Offense but are you sure you know what you want or how to interpret the female species? Good Catholic women would not flirt in the same way as your bad girl flirts.
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Well, I understand that bad girls don’t flirt in the same way as good Catholic girls, but I suppose that I am thinking of good Christian girls who flirt by smiling a lot when they’re around certain guys, listening to them when they talk to them, showing a genuine interest in them as a person.
Originally Quoted by BlestOne:

What if you got involved in your local parish with some sort of ministry work like volunteering your time with the music program or a prolife ministry?
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I have done some of that when I was treasurer of Newman Club at college. The problem I had, however, is social anxiety and being fairly introverted. When I went to community-work events, I tried talking with the nice Catholic girls whom I wished would at least be a good friend, but I felt almost like a ghost in that people ignored me. Actually I used almost the same terms in a journal entry I wrote on the evening of one such function. I think the introspective nature is one issue.

I also was a member of a charismatic group near me, and they were friendly, but they were all much older than me (youngest one was about 40), so I felt a bit out of place.

I think the social anxiety is one big issue. I tried various medications for it, but they all made me deathly sick and didn’t help anyhow. I’ve tried social anxiety counseling, but I’m not sure how much it has helped. I now have friends who are girls, but I only talk with them on the phone and online, since they don’t live near me.

I like your idea of making friends with a girl before dating. I think that’s the best way for me, but I really don’t have any female friends in whom I see a romantic relationship, since they live so far away and are too different with religious views.
 
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Madaglan:
Well, maybe not get married NOW, but at least have a relationship now. You probably don’t understand, but it’s really emotionally painful, like something is missing from my heart.
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OK…here it is…you need to use this time in your life to find out who and what you are. When you have discovered this:
  1. You won’t feel empty and…
  2. You will be much more attractive to the other gender.
There is nothing more attractive than a Godly man who knows who he is and isn’t afraid to show it!!!
 
Originally Quoted by BlestOne:

OK…here it is…you need to use this time in your life to find out who and what you are. When you have discovered this:
  1. You won’t feel empty and…
  2. You will be much more attractive to the other gender.
There is nothing more attractive than a Godly man who knows who he is and isn’t afraid to show it!!!
Click to expand...
Yeah, I understand what you are saying. Right now I’m being pulled between Orthodoxy and Catholicism. I think that’s one factor. I plan to reguarly attend an Orthodox church while studying at Steubenville to see where God wants me. I think that, once I feel more sure of my religious beliefs, I will probably be more attractive, since I will be more at peace when I come to a decision.

I don’t mean to offense by this post, but this is the truth.

If you could please pray that I get out of this depression that’s been going on for 4 years straight, I’d be very thankful, too. Thanks!
 
I leave for school this upcoming Wednesday. I suppose that’s why all these questions are coming to my mind and why I’m experiencing all this anxiety. I also suppose that I already know all the answers to my questions. I just need somebody to listen to me. Yeah, I think that’s what I really need…someone who is willing to listen to me and perhaps understand me. It’s more of an existentialist dilemna than anything. I appreciate people listening to me and for giving me their advice, which is much appreciated 🙂
 
Excuses, excuses

You almost sound like Moses tell God, why he cannot lead the Hebrew out of Isreal. “No God, I cannot wait any longer, I need a relationship now.” Understand that God can put a relatationship in your heart with another heart faster than in the blick of an eye. Be confident.

For one thing you complain these girls act like they want to be nothing more than aquientances. Well they might just have the same problem you do, shy, anxious and a little introverted. I’m sure many of them think the same thing, why does he just act like he wants to be an aquientance. Why don’t you just go out and do something a little stupid, just ask them out on a date. Perhaps you might need to be a little persistant.

If they are a good young catholic woman, who is really considering marriage, I bet odds on they’d like someone who has some faith, and even better a Catholic. That should atleast get your foot in the door for a date. So take some confidence in that.
 
Madaglan,

All I can say is, “Welcome to my world.” I know how you feel. Unfortunately, I don’t have any solutions. Be patient.
 
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