Have you ever held or participated in an intervention?

[Anglican77]

I have a friend who has become an alcoholic. Her drinking is out of control and few of her friends and I want to have an intervention. Has anyone ever done this or paricipated in one? Any advice or direction to offer? Many thanks.

 

[LSK]

Anglican77:

I have a friend who has become an alcoholic. Her drinking is out of control and few of her friends and I want to have an intervention. Has anyone ever done this or paricipated in one? Any advice or direction to offer? Many thanks.

I have participated in many interventions and had one done on me.

The one done on me was successful in that I began to seek help…however it was two years *after *before I was able to get a sobriety date.

Of the many interventions I have participated in some of those people continued to treat their alcoholism by drinking and others chose other ways to treat their alcoholism that did not include drinking alcohol.

It is very important that you get clear in your own mind what you want out of this intervention. What is it that YOU want the end result to be?

BTW - I LOVE your quote by Lewis…

 

[Anglican77]

Thanks Leslie! What I want out of this is to no longer sit back and watch her destroy her life. There is more to this story…isn’t there always? Not only is her drinking getting out of control but she recently divorced her husband of 5 years and has been actively dating and fornicating. This all came to a head last night when she went out with some “friends” and got so drunk she couldn’t find her car keys (thank goodness!) and took a cab home. She is having serious financial problems and as of yesterday had told me that she only had $10 to her name. Then she told me that she didn’t know whether she gave the cab driver a $20 or a $50. She has always claimed that she never buys her own drinks at the bar, but I seriously doubt that. Anyway, so then I find out that she also took a man home with her (whose name she had forgotten come morning).

I don’t need to go on for you to see that her behavior and new lifestyle is out of control. I can’t call myself a friend if I don’t try to help her, can I? So, in answer to your question, what I want is for her to acknowledge her behavior is wrong and seek help. If she is unwilling, I can’t sit back and watch so I suppose I’d have no choice but to end the friendship. Is that too harsh? I just think she needs some tough love right now.

 

[LSK]

It has been my experience that the best type of intervention is when the people involved are really clear as to what they want to have happen, what they want the result to be from the intervention. For an example, if you would like your friend to get immediate help for her alcoholism involving entry into a treatment center or a detoxification program, you will need to have a bed in such a center set up ahead of time. You’ll need to know if it is a ‘free’ bed, or if she has some kind of insurance left that can pay for it (like if she is still being carried on her husband’s insurance - some medical insurances provide for inhouse teatment programs). Then, you can contact the program, talk to an intervention specialist there and they can help you set up an actual intervention. Usually, those consist of two or three of her closest friends or family members sitting her down and telling her straight to her face what her behavior is causing THEM…the worry, the pain, the heartache…and what they will no longer be able to put up with, i.e. no more listening to tales of woe, no more money lending, no more late night phone calls, etc. The only alternative this person is given is to go into treatment, right THEN, and the bed is waiting for them…if they refuse then so be it…the door is closed on them and you walk away.

The other type of intervention is for you to aquaint yourself with the disease itself, perhaps by reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous. You can even attend an open meeting or two, and attend a meeting of Al-Anon to aquaint yourself with people who live with and love alcoholics. Then, every time the alcoholic starts to tell you another tale or adventure of woe and heartache you answer them the same way:
“That’s interesting information Jane Doe, but the real problem is that you are an alcoholic who is treating your alcoholism with alcohol. Until you decide to treat it another way you are going to continue to have those kind of things happen in your life. I can’t help you until you stop drinking. Hey, how about those Patriots, eh?”

 

[Anglican77]

I didn’t even think about attending a meeting. That’s excellent advice. Thank you so much. I will try to do that. I don’t think she is so bad that she needs to enter a clinic, but she is definitely on that path. Thanks again, you’ve been a terrific help and have put my mind at ease.

 

[LSK]

I am glad I could help … and you may contact me any time if you need to talk…so can she…